


sbider has named the chat Murder, I Guess

by itsthatkindofblue



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Multi, Polyamorous Character, Polyamorous relationship, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), SO MUCH POLYAMORY!!!!!, Texting, it’s more likely than you think, maybe a little ooc but that's a given with gc fics, mostly peter and tony centric, none of them are free of sin either, none of these losers are straight, plot?? in MY crack fic??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-05-27 19:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 48,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15031463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsthatkindofblue/pseuds/itsthatkindofblue
Summary: bless the rains:oh shit think fastbless the rains:uhhhbless the rains:FUCK ME IN THE ASS CAUSE I LOVE JESUSsbider:!!sbider:THE GOOD LORD WOULD WANT IT THAT WAYeleven:GIVE ME THAT SWEET SENSATION OF A THROBBING RATIONALIZATIONNot Cap:WHATStark™:W H A T—OR: Peter convinces Tony they should make an Avengers group chat for the sake of Communication™. Obviously, he didn’t think this through.





	1. [knife emoji x4]

**Author's Note:**

> i mean i’d love to write an actual story with actual descriptions and paragraphs and shit but i’m only good at dialogue so i'm jumping on the bandwagonh
> 
> i’ve actually been thinking of making this for a while (since civil war tbh) and i’ve already saved some stuff for it in my phone’s notes so when i showed my friend she told me to go for it and so i finally did!
> 
> i have a plot planned but i still need to introduce the rest of the characters before i start it off you’ll just have to wait and see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw underlined phrases/words in brackets are clickable(??) links

  **the q team**

_2:30pm_

**sbider:** btw mj what does your user mean

 **guy in the chair:** yeah i’ve always wondered

_4:26pm_

**sbider:** [[dontbefuckingrude.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/91sW2yLJRHcE8/giphy.gif)]

 **erik was right:** oh so When i Don’t Reply immediately it’s Rude But When you Don’t it’s Because You’re busy

 **guy in the chair:** why are you typing like that

 **erik was right:** my Phone’s Fucking broken Nedward

 **sbider:** answer the fucking question michelle

 **erik was right:** boy if u dont

 **guy in the chair:** both of you stop pls i’m v curious

 **erik was right:** Only For u My Number 1 boy

 **sbider:** i’ll come back to that later but okay

 **erik was right:** Well

 **erik was right:** i could Mean erik Lensherr Or Erik killmonger Either Way it’s True

 **erik was right:** Tbh i Think Being right Comes With the Name

 **guy in the chair:** oh shit u right

 **sbider:** damn

_4:41pm_

**sbider:** anyway NUMBER 1 BOY?? i thought we had a connection mj (angry face emoji x2)

_4:48pm_

**sbider:** i am Betrayed

 **guy in the chair:** don’t worry [B]eter i still love you

 **sbider: @** ned [heart eyes emoji x4]

 **sbider:** @mj [knife emoji x4]

_5:02pm_

**erik was right:** ALL tHREE oF US aRE DATING wHAT ARE YOU tALKING ABOUT

 **sbider:** hey ned do you hear that

 **sbider:** it’s the sound of betrayal

 **guy in the chair:** come on peter you know she loves you too

 **erik was right:** i’m Not ready to Say It yet But sure

 **sbider:** ,,,,,,

 **sbider:** fine

 **sbider:** [heart emoji x9]

 **erik was right:** soft Ho

 **sbider:** [[maybeso.gif](https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/proxy/webwLvyxsh_5DgxiFyYpVEvfP7gv12dZcJvKRVfIFTMzleqgsDqAz5NzmFNdKkexDzlmYVKYv3tSL0TXO68IsYxO4jhVTZNlndHVdA=w356-h200-nc)]

_7:29pm_

**guy in the chair:** hey peter what do you think would happen if u put all the avengers in a gc

 **sbider:** idk murder i guess

 **erik was right:** do you think they’d be in on meme culture

 **guy in the chair:**  mj you fixed your phone?

 **erik was right:** took me a while apparently it was just the screen protector

 **guy in the chair:** you need to get a new one!! if you want i can get one for you and bring it over

 **sbider:** i’m crying please bring me with you

 **erik was right:** damn makes me want to fuck up the one i already bought but i don’t want to like make you go out of your way or anything

 **guy in the chair:** aww that’s fine and i’m the one who offered anyway [blushing smiley face emoji]

 **sbider:** srsly im fucking sobbing i l ov e ned s om uch

 **erik was right:** y’all better stop or i’ll cry too

 **sbider:** you’re prob already crying stop fuckin lyin

 **erik was right:** [[yougotmethere.jpg](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/624/612/635.jpg)]

 **guy in the chair:** guys!! pls stop crying!! do you want me to cry too??

 **sbider:** how about we just have a crying party it’ll be fun

 **erik was right:** idc as long as i get to see you two nerds

_8:14pm_

**sbider:** btw i don’t really think the avengers are into memes that much

 **guy in the chair:** really?? pretty sure most of them are millennials and at least a few are prob gen z

 **sbider:** mr stark is gen x and i think cap and bucky are both greatest gen and king t’challa is gen x too and so are drs strange and banner

 **sbider:** thor was born like 1500 years ago so idk which generation he belongs to

 **erik was right:** oh my god peter

 **sbider:** it’s true tho

 **sbider:** anyway

 **sbider:** wait actually most of them are gen x and the only millennials are black widow falcon and wanda

 **guy in the chair:** does vision count as gen z?

 **erik was right:** well he probably does

 **sbider:** im not sure tbh mr stark said vision used to be his peronal ai jarvis but then i guess he “died” during the whole ultron thing with mr pym and they had to make an android with the mind stone to fight ultron and yeah he’s probably gen z

 **guy in the chair:** umm

 **sbider:** mr stark said he made jarvis sometime in the late 90s sooo

_8:19pm_

**erik was right:** so am i seeing you two idiots anytime soon orrr

 **sbider:** wait you were srs about that i’m already in my pajamas

 **erik was right:** fine i’ll just watch the sense8 finale on my own then

 **guy in the chair:** IM ON MY WAY SEE YOU GUYS IN 10

 **sbider:** WAIT NOT WITHOUT MEEDAJFHSDJFADN

 **sbider:** I WANNA WATCH WITH YOU GUYS

 **sbider:** IVE BEEN SAVING MYSELF FOR YOU

 **erik was right:** way to make it sound like you were saving your socially constructed virginity for us peter lmao

 **sbider:** ,,,,,,,

 **sbider:** [[idontknowhow2read.jpg](https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRUS05q38Z8zOnn6xW1jdLxlvwyAsUvlKlrkBJr0w7BXK9krhNoJPSkmVdj)]

 **erik was right:** WAIT WHAT

 **erik was right:** PETER

 **erik was right:** P E T E R

 **erik was right:** DONT THINK WE ARENT TALKING ABOUT THIS WHEN YOU GET HERE

_12:42am_

**erik was right:** peter

 **erik was right:** just because i let it be when you guys came over doesn’t mean i’ve forgotten

 **sbider:** Looks Like It’s Time To Be Spider-Man On A Saturday Night

 **erik was right:** it’s already sunday

 **sbider:** ned’s sleeping mj shhhh

 **guy in the chair:** ned is still awake

 **guy in the chair:** but yeah mj if peter isn’t ready to talk about it yet then maybe we should wait until he is

 **erik was right:** then maybe peter shouldn’t have brought it up

 **sbider:** maybe peter doesn’t have a filter and has trouble keeping secrets especially his own

 **erik was right:** mood but okay fine i’ll give you that

 **guy in the chair:** make sure to get home before 2 peter

 **guy in the chair:** i’ll be over in the morning to drop off some breakfast for you

 **sbider:** [[cryingseal.jpg](http://oi65.tinypic.com/34obh38.jpg)]

 **sbider:** i love you both so much sHUT UP

 **erik was right:** yeah me too

 **guy in the chair:** i love you guys too!! (heart emoji x6)(knife emoji)(heart emoji x8)

 **guy in the chair:** oh shit the knife isn’t supposed to be there

 **erik was right:** he’s planning to kill us in our sleep peter

 **sbider:** I Would Die For Ned Leeds

 **erik was right:** rt

 **guy in the chair:** nooo guuuuyyyyyssss

 **sbider:** [lipstick kiss emoji x3]

 **erik was right:** good NIGHT you two

 **guy in the chair:** good night!!

 **guy in the chair:** also peter don’t forget about the avengers gc

 **sbider:** mmmMMMMmmmmmm i’ll [B]hink about it

 **sbider:** also good night [shooting star emoji]

\--

**Boogie Woogie Woogie**

_1:06am_

**sbider:** mr stark what do you think would happen in an avengers group chat

_1:11am_

**sbider:** mr stark

 **Stark™:** go the fuck to sleep peter

 **Stark™:** also idk murder i guess

 **sbider:** that’s what i said!!

 **Stark™:** good NIGHT peter

 **Stark™:** and for the last time CHANGE THE CHAT NAME

_sbider has named the chat **This House is a Fucking Nightmare**_

**Stark™:** god help me

 


	2. the possession of steve rogers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Not Cap:** i didnt cry
> 
>  **and bUCKY:** no capitalization and punctuation he’s lying
> 
>  **Not Cap:** I’m not lying.
> 
>  **leg of legs:** i was standing right next to you you were definitely crying
> 
>  **Not Cap:** That wasn’t me.
> 
>  **New Captain:** whyualwayslyin.jpg
> 
>  **Not Cap:** I was possessed.
> 
>  **sbider:** *ryan bergara voice* this week on buzzfeed unsolved we will investigate the possession of steve rogers formerly known as captain america as part of our ongoing investigation into the question: are ghosts real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm keeping the usernames for the characters the same in every group chat for less confusion  
> also because i'm lazy i'm sorry  
> AGAIN underlined phrases/words in brackets are clickable(?) links

 

**This House is a Fucking Nightmare**

_10:02am_

**sbider:** mr stark

 **Stark™:** No

_10:29am_

**sbider:** mr stark

 **Stark™:** No peter

_10:48am_

**sbider:** MR STARK

 **Stark™:** N O peter

 **sbider:** but think about it

 **Stark™:** nyet

_11:14am_

**sbider:** tonyyyyyyy

 **Stark™:** WHAT PETER

 **sbider:** umm can i come over to the compound later? i may have damaged the suit a little and i wanted to do some repairs

 **Stark™:** Oh okay sure just text me when

 **sbider:** also a group chat can be a great way of keeping track of everyone!!

 **Stark™:** No peter it’ll be a great way of starting a trainwreck

 **sbider:** but a good one!!

 **Stark™:** FINE i’ll think about it we can talk later

\--

**the q team**

_11:16am_

**sbider:** mr stark said he’ll think about it omg

 **erik was right:** keep us updated and send us constant screenshots

 **sbider:** u didn’t even have to tell me that i was already planning to

 **erik was right:** good

 **sbider:** [heart emoji]

 **erik was right:** [knife emoji]

 **sbider:** what did i do!!

 **erik was right:** i’m returning the favor

 **sbider:** that’s fair

 **erik was right:** wait where’s ned he’s been awfully quiet

 **sbider:** he’s in my room he was a little worn out from this morning

 **erik was right:** you assholes really? without me?

 **sbider:** we didn’t do anything!!!!!!

 **sbider:** i mean not like any of us have done anything Like That together but still!!

 **erik was right:** what happened then

 **sbider:** he um yelled at me a little

 **erik was right:** …………

 **sbider:** and maybe cried too

 **erik was right:** what did you do

 **sbider:** nothing really!!

 **sbider:** i just

 **sbider:** may not have been as careful while patrolling last night

 **sbider:** and i may have a few bruises and burns

 **erik was right:** BURNS????????

 **sbider:** i didn’t say burns

 **sbider:** BUT they already look a lot better than they did last night

 **erik was right:** peter we talked about this there was a lot of yelling and crying that time too

 **sbider:** i know i’m sorry i’ll be more careful next time i promise

 **erik was right:** did you manage to tell ned that before he took a nap?

 **sbider:** yeah i’m gonna make him some tea when he wakes up and get him those bagels he likes so much from down the street

 **erik was right:** i’m coming over

 **sbider:** you don’t have to!!

 **erik was right:** bagels and my two best boys? come on how could i resist

 **erik was right:** i’ll get the bagels on my way there

 **sbider:** god i love you

 **erik was right:** i know

 **sbider:** [purple heart emoji x4]

 **erik was right:** ………

 **erik was right:** (black heart emoji x4)

 

_11:33am_

**guy in the chair:** this was so SOFT and i was asleep WHILE IT HAPPENED

 **guy in the chair:** [sad face emoji x2]

 **erik was right:** i’m getting the bagels rn it’s taking a while but we can recreate the experience later

 **guy in the chair:** [blushing smiley face emoji x2]

\--

**This House is a Fucking Nightmare**

_2:41pm_

_Stark™ has named the chat **spiders better step the fuck up**_

**sbider:** rude

 **Stark™:** You brought it on yourself

 **Stark™:** Anyway what time are you coming to the compound

 **sbider:** uhhh maybe around 3:30?

 **Stark™:** I’ll send a car for you

 **sbider:** you don’t have to!! i can just use my car or like my webs or something

 **Stark™:** Yeah no i don’t trust you driving a car

 **sbider:** i already have a license tony

**Stark™:** [[surejan.gif](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-01/29/12/enhanced/webdr09/anigif_enhanced-6732-1422551428-2.gif)]

**sbider:**!!

\--

**the q team**

_2:44pm_

**sbider:** I RETRACT MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT THAT THE AVENGERS WEREN’T INTO MEMES

 **sbider:** also did you guys get home okay

 **erik was right:** soft boi

 **sbider:** shut

 **guy in the chair:** why do you think so peter?

 **sbider:** [screenshot.jpg]

 **erik was right:** roasted by your own dad tragic

 **sbider:** he’s not my dad!!

 **guy in the chair:** ****[[surejan.gif](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-01/29/12/enhanced/webdr09/anigif_enhanced-6732-1422551428-2.gif)]

 **erik was right:** better not call him an ugly ass fuckin noodlehead to his face

 **guy in the chair:** lmao mj if he did it would be a lie

 **guy in the chair:** mr stark is sexiest man alive 2008, 2010, 2012, 2015, 2018

 **guy in the chair:** also in my heart always

 **guy in the chair:** sorry peter

 **sbider:** eh i’ll take it

 **sbider:** anyway he’s like crazy attractive i could never call him ugly

 **sbider:** or ANYONE ugly for that matter

 **erik was right:** i understand that but what about thanos

 **sbider:** he had a scrotum chin but i guess some alien civilizations find that attractive

 **erik was right:** would you still find me attractive if i had a scrotum chin

_3:01pm_

**erik was right:** i’m breaking up with you ned is my only boyfriend now

 **sbider:** sjvboarvdsbjojbJBSDAKBJDJKjk I WSA GETITN READY T OL EAVE FOR HTE COMAPOUND

 **guy in the chair:** comapound lmao

 **sbider:** it be like that sometimes

 **sbider:** also mj you’re not breaking up with me you loooooooooove me [smirky face x2]

 **erik was right:** and i regret saying it every second

 **guy in the chair:** you regret loving us mj? [sad face x3]

 **erik was right:** NOOODFFJHUYU FUCK I TAKE IT BACK

 **erik was right:** I LOVE YOU AND PETER TOO I GUESS

 **sbider:** ned is our kryptonite

 **erik was right:** he’s too powerful

 **guy in the chair:** [reverse smiley face]

_3:31pm_

**sbider:** the car’s here i’ll send updates about the gc later

 **sbider:** actually

 **sbider:** @ned wanna be the guy in the chair again and access the suits comms?

 **sbider:** so i don’t have to like constantly look at my phone while doing repairs and stuff

 **guy in the chair:** YES PLEASE THTAS A GREAT IDEA

 **guy in the chair:** @mj come over so we don’t have to use the chat for the operation

 **erik was right:** we’re not spies but okay i’ll be there in 5

 **sbider:** lmao i’ll tell you when i get there

 **erik was right:** be safe

 **sbider:** i don’t have any condoms

 **erik was right:** YOU KNWO WHAT I MEAN YOU NAS TY HO

_3:42pm_

**sbider:** i’m here

_3:46pm_

**guy in the chair:** i’m in

 **erik was right:** y’all are losers

 **sbider:** but you’re dating us anyway

 **erik was right:** [[icantreadsuddenly.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/5ETs34G31iCAg/giphy.gif)]

\--

**Spider-Man Suit Comms Transcript**

_3:48pm_

**PETER P.:** So, um, Mr. Stark…

 **PETER P.:** About that Avengers group chat…

 **TONY S.:** God, I hoped you wouldn’t bring that up.

 **TONY S.:** I just, I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Peter.

 **PETER P.:** Why not? I mean, like I said, it’ll be a great way of keep track of everyone and you guys’ll be able to communicate more with each other, and if you think about it, it’ll be a great bonding experience, and you guys can talk about your issues-

 **TONY S.:** Peter.

 **PETER P.:** Sorry, sorry.

 **TONY S.:** I hear what you’re saying, trust me, but what I’m trying to get you to understand is that our issues with each other can’t be solved just by making a group chat.

\--

**the q team**

_3:50pm_

**guy in the chair:** umm this is getting kinda heavy

 **erik was right:** that’s what she said

 **guy in the chair:** we’re in the same room mj

\--

**Spider-Man Suit Comms Transcript**

_3:51pm_

**PETER P.:** But aren’t you the only the one who has issues with the others though?

 **TONY S.:** …

\--

**the q team**

_3:52pm_

**erik was right:** PETER WHAT THE FUCK

 **guy in the chair:** STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW

\--

**Spider-Man Suit Comms Transcript**

_3:52pm_

**PETER P.:** Shit, Tony, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-

 **TONY S.:** No, kid, you’re right. That’s why I think it’s a bad idea.

 **PETER P.:** But…

 **PETER P.:** You can still try though. If it doesn’t work out, we can just delete the group chat like nothing happened.

 **TONY S.:** Why do you want this group chat thing to happen so much anyway?

 **PETER P.:** Uhhhh…

\--

**the q team**

_3:55pm_

**guy in the chair:** okay now i’m more invested in starting the avengers group chat

 **guy in the chair:** JUST LIE PETER

\--

**Spider-Man Suit Comms Transcript**

_3:55pm_

**PETER P.:** To be honest, I thought it could be fun at first. Ned, MJ, and I have one and I prefer that we have a group chat instead of individually messaging each other. Being in a poly relationship would be a lot harder if we didn’t communicate regularly and the chat helps with that.

 **PETER P.:** And now, I think the Avengers could definitely use communication. Especially you, Tony.

**TONY S.: …**

**TONY S.:** The Avengers are hardly a polyamorous relationship, Pete.

\--

**the q team**

_3:59pm_

**guy in the chair:** IT COULD BE IF YOU WANT

 **erik was right:** that's an idea

\--

**Spider-Man Suit Comms Transcript**

_4:00pm_

**PETER P.:** (small laughter) I know that, Mr. Stark. But you get what I mean, don’t you?

 **TONY S.:** Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do.

 **PETER P.:** I can make the chat myself if you want. I’ll just add everyone else.

 **TONY S.:** You do that, kid. I trust you.

 **TONY S.:** So… (clears throat)

 **TONY S.:** How’s the Q Team?

**CONNECTION LOST**

\--

**the q team**

_4:02pm_

**guy in the chair:** HE KNOWS ABOUT Q TEAM????

 **guy in the chair:** oh shit i lost the connection

_4:32pm_

**sbider:** i didn’t want you guys to hear how much i gush about you outside this chat so i turned it off

 **erik was right:** Soft Boi

 **guy in the chair:** The Softest

 **sbider:** STOP YOU’RE MAKING ME BLUSH IN FRONT OF MR STARK

 **erik was right:** pretty sure you were already blushing while talking about us

**sbider:** [[runningchicken.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/700728727919919106/zIGmXCk6.jpg)]

**guy in the chair:** so the group chat is a thing now?

 **sbider:** oh right

 **sbider:** i’m making it after i finish the repairs on the suit

 **guy in the chair:** it better be burn proof this time

 **sbider:** haha ha ah ahahaha ha… . . … . …

\--

**New Chat**

_6:41pm_

_sbider has added Stark™ to the chat_

**sbider:** this is it mr. stark

 **sbider:** if you want to back out now’s the time to do it

_Stark™ has left the chat_

**sbider:** ffs

_sbider has added Stark™ to the chat_

_sbider has changed restrictions on Stark™_

**Stark™:** What the fuck richard

 **sbider:** I DIDNT MEAN LITREALYL

 **Stark™:** Well you OFFERED

 **sbider:** nvm do you have everyone’s contacts

 **Stark™:** Unfortunately

 **sbider:** send them to me on our private chat so i can add them

 **Stark™:** Why

 **sbider:** so you don’t have to

 **Stark™:** Damn okay

 **Stark™:** They won’t be able to see these right

 **sbider:** nah for them the chat starts when they first enter

 **sbider:** they won’t be able to see any of the prev messages

 **Stark™:** good now add them before i change my mind

_sbider has added Steve, and bUCKY, stranger things, Panther King, leg of legs, eleven, Vision, pirate angel, pidgeot, ridley scott, warmachineisthebest88, bear games, and cryin high to the chat_

**sbider:** WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE USERNAMES I’M CRYING

_warmachineisthebest88 has set their name to rhodey_

**rhodey:** TONY WHAT THE HELL

 **Stark™:** BDVOSBDVJJ IM SORRY I FORGOT

_Stark™ has set rhodey’s name to platypus_

**Panther King:** Why am I here?

 **Panther King:** Who are you people?

 **and bUCKY:**  it’s like one of those group chat fanfictions i see on the internet

 **sbider:** is your username,,, a hamilton reference,,,,

 **and bUCKY:** i saw the opportunity and i took it

\--

**the q team**

_6:59pm_

**sbider:** [avengersgcscreenshot.jpg]

 **sbider:** I’M FUCKING YELLING

 **erik was right:** five bucks says leg of legs is black widow

 **guy in the chair:** you don’t have to bet it’s already obvious

 **erik was right:** yeah but have considered that i need money

 **guy in the chair:** do you accept payment in cuddles

 **erik was right:** i’ll [B]hink about it

\--

**New Chat**

_7:01 pm_

**Panther King:** So far, I have seen Anthony, Mr. Parker, Barnes, and Col. Rhodes on this.

 **Panther King:** Can any of you please explain to me what is going on?

 **sbider:** right sorry your majesty

 **sbider:** i decided to make a group chat with all the avengers because We Need Communication

 **stranger things:** We communicate just fine.

 **sbider:** sure okay let’s just say i believe you dr strange

 **sbider:** also nice username

 **stranger things:** I saw the opportunity and I took it.

 **and bUCKY:** that’s my fucking line excuse you

 **leg of legs:** i don’t want to be part of this

 **cryin high:** think of the drama nat

 **leg of legs:** damn u right

 **Stark™:** I’m sorry cryin high??

 **cryin high:** it’s like flying high except i’m crying

 **Stark™:** Oh okay then mood

 **Panther King:** Who are cryin high and leg of legs?

 **Panther King:** In fact, who is everyone?

 **leg of legs:** natasha

 **cryin high:** sam

 **sbider:** i’m spider-man or peter parker i guess p sure all of you know who i am at this point

 **stranger things:** Dr. Stephen Strange

 **sbider:** i think the others are busy

 **Stark™:** Eleven = wanda, pirate angel = thor, pidgeot = clint, bear games = bruce and i have no idea who ridley scott is

 **ridley scott:** that jokes getting old

 **Stark™:** And yet it still amuses me

 **ridley scott:** im scott lang aka ant man

 **eleven:** @strange [[you are my dad]](https://youtu.be/BsuY9lHxg88)

 **stranger things:** That’s valid.

 **sbider:** HEY that’s my meme :/

 **Panther King:** My sister wants me to add her to this chat. As much as I don’t want to, I doubt she will let it go. How do I add her?

 **sbider:** i’ll add her for you your majesty i think i have her contact somewhere

_sbider has added bless the rains to the chat_

**bless the rains:** WHAT’S UP FUCKERS

 **sbider:** WHY DO YOU HAVE MY PHONE

 **bless the rains:** BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT’S WHY

 **Panther King:** This was a mistake. Somebody please remove her.

 **bless the rains:** y u typing like that you fake

_bless the rains has removed Panther King from the chat_

**and bUCKY:** #exposed

 **bless the rains:** hey broken white boy #1

 **and bUCKY:** i may be broke but i am also broken yes

 **stranger things:** That’s a mood.

 **eleven:** rt

 **Stark™:** Bring him back he’s a king

_leg of legs has added Panther King to the chat_

_bless the rains has set Panther King’s name to Pink Panther_

**platypus:** i don’t like this place

\--

**the q team**

_7:19pm_

**sbider:** [screenshot1.jpg]

 **sbider:** [screenshot2.jpg]

**sbider:** [[thisisthebadplace.gif](https://78.media.tumblr.com/82b3ced6defbd29e8be5a3656f25187e/tumblr_ok38qiR4nE1r3sy8ko1_250.gif)]

**erik was right:** don’t back down on us now peter

 **sbider:** i’m tryin

 **sbider:** this is a goddamn mess

\--

**New Chat**

_7:22pm_

**Steve:** I am confusion.

 **Steve:** America, explain.

 **ridley scott:** y r u asking urself

 **Steve:** I was asking Sam.

 **cryin high:** hi im captain america now

_leg of legs has set Steve’s name to Not Cap_

_leg of legs has set cryin high’s name to New Captain_

**Stark™:** Well would you look at the time it’s Run From My Problems o’Clock

 **Stark™:** Fuck i can’t leave

 **Stark™:** PETER

 **sbider:** i’m sorry mr stark but this is for your own good

 **Stark™:** How do you know what’s good for me

 **sbider:**  [[thatsmyopinion.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CcfcicLXEAE6cs6?format=jpg&name=small)]

 **Stark™:**  [[squarelady.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CcfcibqW4AAtsNT?format=jpg&name=small)]

 **leg of legs:**  [[squareguy.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CcfciciWEAE0_rc?format=jpg&name=small)]

_bear games has left the chat_

_Stark™ has added bear games to the chat_

_sbider has changed restrictions on bear games_

**bear games:** I’d like to leave please

_Stark™ has set bear games’s name to jean valjean_

**Stark™:** We’re all stuck here you have to suffer with us

 **and bUCKY:** but why

 **bless the rains:** why not

 **sbider:** this place is for friendship and family

 **jean valjean:** I Hate This Fucking Family

 **Stark™:** I know you’re joking but that kinda hurts a little

 **jean valjean:** Shit sorry

 **sbider:** in this place we also validate each other

 **sbider:** if you have something to share this is the place to do it

 **sbider:** no one will judge you here

 **Stark™:** He’s lying he already sent 3 screenshots to his SO’s

 **sbider:** DO NOT EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS MR STARK

_7:48pm_

**New Captain:** id like to share something

 **sbider:** go on sam this is a safe space

 **bless the rains:** stop acting like a group theraptis peter

 **bless the rains:** therapist

 **sbider:** theraptis

 **bless the rains:** _sbider:_ _no one will judge you here_

 **sbider:** SO SAM WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE

 **New Captain:** its about steve

 **New Captain:** when he found out tony was in this chat he cried

 **Not Cap:** I DID NOT!

 **New Captain:** hes also a bad liar

 **and bUCKY:** that’s true

 **New Captain:** he thinks he has a shot at winning tonys friendship back

 **eleven:** he’s such a bad liar he won’t even be able to win A tony

 **Not Cap:** I don’t cry when it comes to my friendship with Tony.

 **jean valjean:** When i called you on the flip phone i could hear you crying because you heard my voice instead of tony’s

 **jean valjean:** I’m still salty about that btw

 **Not Cap:** i didnt cry

 **and bUCKY:** no capitalization and punctuation he’s lying

 **Not Cap:** I’m not lying.

 **leg of legs:** i was standing right next to you you were definitely crying

 **Not Cap:** That wasn’t me.

 **New Captain:** [[whyualwayslyin.jpg](https://t2.genius.com/unsafe/289x220/https%3A%2F%2Fimages.rapgenius.com%2F65f0e19395d401a7c0ef42b8cee6f8f9.786x600x1.png)]

 **Not Cap:** I was possessed.

 **sbider:** *ryan bergara voice* this week on buzzfeed unsolved we will investigate the possession of steve rogers formerly known as captain america as part of our ongoing investigation into the question: are ghosts real

 **and bUCKY:** *shane madej shakes his head and so do i*

 **Not Cap:** [[disappearingpeacesign.jpg](https://memegenerator.net/img/images/16572181.jpg)]

_Not Cap has left the chat_

**sbider:** buzzfeed solved

\--

**the q team**

_8:01pm_

**sbider:** [screenshot3.jpg]

 **sbider:** [screenshot4.jpg]

 **sbider:** [screenshot5.jpg]

 **sbider:** MY ASS IS SHAKING IM LAUGHING SO HARD

 **guy in the chair:** THE AVENGERS ARE NUTS

 **erik was right:** you made the right decision peter

\--

**New Chat**

_8:02 pm_

_sbider has added Not Cap to the chat_

_sbider has named the chat **Murder, I Guess**_

**Pink Panther:** Now what does that mean

 **bless the rain:** ah finally u show ur true colors

 **sbider:** it’s a friend meme

 **sbider:** mr stark knows about it

 **Stark™:** Don’t bring me into this peter

 **sbider:** YOURE ALREADY HERE

\--

**spiders better step the fuck up**

_8:04 pm_

**Stark™:** If you show them this chat i will never speak to you again

 **sbider:** we both know that’s a lie

 **Stark™:** Fuck

 **sbider:** and i wasn’t planning to anyway [peace sign emoji x2]

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_11:05pm_

**pidgeot:** damn i missed everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot? in MY crack fic? it's more likely than you think  
> -ALSO  
> -i'm having trouble deciding the relationships please help  
> -i think one of them's gonna be winterfalconshield but steve and bucky are queerplatonic partners  
> -i'm still not sure about tony if i want him to be with stephen tchalla or rhodey  
> -if you have any suggestions criticisms or anything please feel free to tell me This Is A Safe Space  
> 


	3. BEGGING FOR CREAM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **leg of legs:** hmm didn’t realize you and tony were close enough to be sharing game of thrones references thor
> 
>  **Stark™:** After the Thanos Incident i bought the asgardians an island off the coast of norway so they can resettle
> 
>  **Stark™:** We may have spent some time together while working out the logistics and politics so i took the opportunity to integrate him into midgardian pop culture
> 
>  **Stark™:** Anyway if you see us run towards each other in non-forecasted rain while i jump into his arms and kiss him passionately just pretend it’s normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i overdid it with the memes and vine references in the previous chapter so i toned it down on this one
> 
> also the plot is forming!!
> 
> ONCE AGAIN underlines phrases/words in brackets are clickable(?) links

**Murder, I Guess**

_3:02pm_

**bless the rains:** this chat is dead

 **sbider:** sorry

 **sbider:** it’s just that i have a love life and am spending time with my 2 wonderful SO’s

 **Stark™:** No it’s because you used to have a limited list of contacts and prior to this chat, your only contacts were your SOs

 **sbider:** fumkc

 **Pink Panther:** I think i understand the chat name now

 **bless the rains:** fuckin murdered i guess

\--

**the q team**

_3:05pm_

**sbider:** the chat is dead

 **guy in the chair:**???? we’ve been using this chat all day??

 **sbider:** no i meant the avengers gc no one’s using it

 **sbider:** not since last night at least

 **erik was right:** could be the diff time zones

 **sbider:** i don’t think so shuri and t’challa are the only ones from a diff time zone

 **sbider:** everyone else is on the east coast

 **guy in the chair:** wait what’s the time diff between wakanda and nyc

 **sbider:** lemme check

 **erik was right:** wakanda’s 7 hrs ahead

 **sbider:** there you go

 **sbider:** [avengersgcscreenshot.jpg]

 **sbider:** why does he always do this

 **erik was right:** it’s his pastime don’t judge your father

 **guy in the chair:** if wakanda is 7 hrs ahead how come the royals were awake last night for the chat

 **sbider:** even royalty have their eccentricities

 **erik was right:** btw i saw this on tumblr

 **erik was right:** [[plumpsweetnbeggingforcream.jpg](https://pics.me.me/plump-sweet-and-begging-for-cream-30532652.png)]

 **guy in the chair:** SDBVHKBSN CVSJ NC TAHTS M E

_sbider has set guy in the chair’s name to plump and sweet_

_plump and sweet has set their name to begging for cream_

**sbider:** NED NO

 **erik was right:** sending the pic was a mistake

_sbider has set begging for cream’s name to plump and sweet_

_plump and sweet has set their name to begging for cream_

_sbider has set begging for cream’s name to plump and sweet_

_plump and sweet has set their name to begging for cream_

**erik was right:** [[youbetterstop.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DHDPkvnXYAE16qs.jpg)]

 **begging for cream:** it’s the truth mj!!

 **sbider:** NED FOR MY SANITY [B]LEASE DON’T

 **begging for cream: [** [doyoulikecreme](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bh2JH0ZAyMk/)]

 **sbider:** THAT’S NOT HELPING

 **erik was right:** sending a trixya meme in this mess is such a power move omg

 **sbider:** YOU’RE NOT HELPING

 **erik was right:** GOD FINE

_erik was right has set begging for cream’s name to oh honey_

**oh honey:** i’ll take it but i’d rather have cream

\--

**spiders better step the fuck up**

_3:09pm_

**sbider:** look mr stark i know you’ve got issues with the people in the group chat but don’t take it out on me

 **sbider:** i can only be murdered so many times

 **Stark™:** You just don’t like it when i expose you

 **sbider:** it’s embarassing

 **sbider:** pls talk to them at least

 **Stark™:** How about I Don’t Want To

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** mr stark please

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** WIATHR WAHWFETDYA WHAT

 **Stark™:** Never speak to me again

\--

**the q team**

_3:09pm_

_oh honey has set sbider’s name to BEGGING FOR CREAM_

**erik was right:** BHEGDF BHFN SD

 **erik was right:** NED NO

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** THIS IS BULLYING

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** I WAS TALKING TO MR STAKRFNGJFD NSC

 **oh honey:** OH SHIT NDABJSCC C

 **oh honey:** HONEY OH HONEY

 **erik was right:** HOOOOOOOOONEY

_erik was right has changed restrictions on BEGGING FOR CREAM_

**BEGGING FOR CREAM:** WHY THE BETRAYAL MJ

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** PLS CHANGE IT I’LL DO ANYTHING

 **erik was right:** oh yeah you’ll do anything for that cream

 **oh honey:** sjvdba davjavhKHVKhvkdn

 **oh honey:** OH HONEY

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** [[zackstop.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DNhzziYVwAElKu_.jpg)]

_erik was right has changed restrictions on BEGGING FOR CREAM_

_erik was right has set BEGGING FOR CREAM’s name to sbider_

**oh honey:** aww

 **sbider:** [starkscreenshot.jpg]

 **oh honey:** I’M CRYING

 **oh honey:** IT CAME AT THE WORST TIME

 **erik was right:** _BEGGING FOR CREAM: mr stark please_

 **erik was right:** it came at the best time wyd

 **sbider:** i will never look at mr stark the same way again

\--

**spiders better step the fuck up**

_3:11pm_

**sbider:** I’M SO SORRY MR STARK

 **sbider:** IT WAS NED

 **sbider:** MR STARK I’M SO SORRY

 **Stark™:** I’m having flashbacks

 **sbider:** mr stark :(

 **sbider:** no :(

 **Stark™:** Tell ned it was a good joke though

 **sbider:** :/

 **sbider:** betrayed by my own father

 **sbider:** WAIT SHIT

 **Stark™:** OH MY GOD PETER PLEASE WORK ON YOUR FILTER

 **sbider:** IM TRYIN

\--

**the q team**

_3:12pm_

**sbider:**  i may have accidentally called tony stark my father to his face

 **sbider:** well technically it was in a chat but still

 **oh honey:** oh honey

 **erik was right:** when will you ever work on your filter

 **sbider:** i don’t knoooooooww

_4:01pm_

**oh honey:** btw have you guys seen the new beyonce and jay z vid

 **erik was right:** yeah i can’t believe they rented out a whole museum for it

_erik was right has set their username to down w/ the bourgeoisie_

**sbider:** no!! holy shit link me!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** beg for it

 **sbider:** [knife emoji]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** that’s fair

 **oh honey:** [<https://youtu.be/kbMqWXnpXcA>]

 **sbider:** thank

 **oh honey:** youre welc

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_4:08pm_

**sbider:** omg shuri have you watched the new beyonce and jay z mv yet

 **sbider:** wait no i meant

 **sbider:** the new CARTERS mv

 **bless the rains:** YES IM CRYING

 **bless the rains:** they rented out the fucking louvre for a music video god goals tbh

 **sbider:** mood

 **sbider:** one day i wanna be able to do that too

 **Stark™:** I can rent out the louvre for you peter

 **bless the rains:** oh my god

 **sbider:** what achavkfvbkda oh my god wHAT

 **sbider:** but mr stark!! i was only joking!! you don’t have to do anything omg

\--

**the q team**

_4:10pm_

**sbider:** YO WHAT THE FUCK

 **sbider:** [screenshot2.jpg]

 **oh honey:** HE ACTUALLY IS YOUR DAD

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** my username has never been more accurate

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_4:10pm_

**Stark™:** I Know I’d Give My Life For You

 **sbider:** i know that’s a miss saigon reference but you kinda already did during the Thanos Incident and i don’t want a Repeat Experience it kinda fucked me up

 **Stark™:** Now you know how i feel

 **Stark™:** But yeah too soon

 **Stark™:** I Would Do Anything For You

 **sbider:** that’s a little better i guess

 **bless the rains:** @t’challa why do you never do shit like this for me

 **Pink Panther:** Maybe because you always call me a big bitch for no reason.

 **bless the rains:** back on your bullshit of typing like a fake again i see

 **Pink Panther:** I learned it from you.

 **bless the rains:** anyway there’s always a reason for calling you a big bitch

 **Pink Panther:** And that’s why I will never do anything for you.

 **Pink Panther:** Also, I can technically rent out any major museum for you.

 **Pink Panther:** But I really don’t want to.

 **sbider:** fckin savage

 **Pink Panther:** Excuse you, you’re the savage, bisexual spider.

 **sbider:**  DBHAN JFIADKSJK IT’S JUST A SAYING

 **sbider:** IT MEANS THAT WAS HARSH BUT IN A FUNNY WAY

 **bless the rains:** relax peter he knows what it means he’s just on a roll

 **bless the rains:** also t’challa would it help if i was nice to you from now on

 **Pink Panther:** No.

 **bless the rains:** damn okay

\--

**the q team**

_4:15pm_

**sbider:** literonally only me mr stark t’challa and shuri are online

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** literonally

 **oh honey:** literonally

 **sbider:** i miss soft ned

 **oh honey:** i think it’s the username

 **oh honey:** i’m like capheus from sense8 but instead of jean claude van damme i’ve been visited by the spirit of trixie mattel

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** can you do her scream

 **oh honey:** i wish!! at best i can only do katya’s old man wheezing

 **sbider:** we have to change it it feels like i’m dating trixie mattel herself

 **oh honey:** isn’t that a good thing tho?

 **sbider:** NOT AT THE COST OF NED LEEDS

 **down w/ bourgeoisie:** you’re so soft it’s like you’ve been visited by the spirit of ned leeds

 **oh honey:** it’s the cream isn’t it

 **sbider:** sHISHKBAKB AKSDBKSKAJajbfhdj

 **sbider:** PLEASE STOP

 **sbider:** I HAVENT TYPED IN CAPS AND KEYBOARD SMASHED SO MUCH IN MY LIFE ITS PROBABLY UNHEALTHY

 **oh honey:** only because we care about your health

_down w/ the bourgeoisie has set oh honey’s name to guy ritchair_

**guy ritchair:** oh!! is that a mix of guy in the chair and guy ritchie??

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** yes i know how much you love guy ritchie movies

 **guy ritchair:** i love it!! thanks!!

 **sbider:** He Has Returned

 **sbider:** missed you babe

 **guy ritchair:**!! peteeeerr!! you know i get weak when you call me babe!!

 **sbider:** YEAH BUT I LOVE YOU

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i miss trixie mattel

 **sbider:** [[stopfuckinlyin.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/xkc4X5qZnoXoQ/giphy.gif)]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** u right u right i prefer this ned

 **guy ritchair:** you won’t love me anymore if i changed?? [sad face emoji X2]

 **sbider:** AND IIIIIIIIIIII

 **sbider:** WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

 **sbider:** IHBDAADK MICHELLE MG JONES

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** I WUOLD LO VE YUO FORVEER IF FOREVRE WAS RE A L

 **guy ritchair:** what about wakanda forever

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** then i will love you wakanda forever

 **guy ritchair:** [heart emoji x7 in different colors]

 **guy ritchair:** btw @peter mj doesn’t have a middle name??

 **sbider:** i know, the mg stands for My Girlfriend

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** Soft Boi

 **sbider:** [[trixiemattelthisagain.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/82a482700f0057b266538caefb08576b/tumblr_ozn34wnxSS1wiqxbpo1_1280.jpg)]

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_5:41pm_

**and bUCKY:** @shuri is this you

 **and bUCKY:** [[scrubsafricabath.jpg](https://media1.tenor.com/images/ff8f2ca31e460dfdd24c39b62110a230/tenor.gif?itemid=5280287)]

 **bless the rains:** HVBSKDB SAC kvj av vjhhuohS

 **bless the rains:** YE S

 **stranger things:** Quill would have loved that.

 **and bUCKY:** who the hell is quill

 **and bUCKY:** he your boyf or something

 **stranger things:** God, no. I’d rather die.

 **Stark™:** Somebody screenshot this and send it to quill

 **sbider:** p sure nobody has his contact mr stark

 **sbider:** also same @ the africa thing

 **Stark™:** Well then who does

 **pirate angel:** We could ask the rabbit and the tree

 **pirate angel:** Also, hello everyone

 **sbider:** oh my god i think im hpyervnetliatng

 **Stark™:** Literally or

 **sbider:** not literally but my heart is beating real fast

 **pirate angel:** Hello, bisexual spider

 **pirate angel:** I, too, am bisexual

 **sbider:** holy fukc i thin k im abt to psas out

 **bless the rains:** reel it in peter

 **Stark™:** Anyway

 **Stark™:** Thor my one true love

 **Stark™:** My sun and stars

 **pirate angel:** We aren’t dating, Tony

 **pirate angel:** But yes, you are in fact, the moon of my life

 **Stark™:** [side eye moon emoji]

 **pirate angel:** [side eye sun emoji]

 **pirate angel:** [[drogodanyforeheadkiss.gif](https://i.gifer.com/Nj3Y.gif)]

 **and bUCKY:** rabbit and the tree wtf is that some kind of code or smth

 **and bUCKY:** OOOHH rocket and groot gotcha

 **leg of legs:** i see the old age is getting to you

 **leg of legs:** hi thor

 **pirate angel:** Nat

 **bless the rains:** p sure the gotg are off world atm

 **pirate angel:** They’re visiting soon, I received a message from them recently

 **bless the rains:** oh okay

 **leg of legs:** hmm didn’t realize you and tony were close enough to be sharing game of thrones references thor

 **Stark™:** After the Thanos Incident i bought the asgardians an island off the coast of norway so they can resettle

 **Stark™:** We may have spent some time together while working out the logistics and politics so i took the opportunity to integrate him into midgardian pop culture

 **Stark™:** Anyway if you see us run towards each other in non-forecasted rain while i jump into his arms and kiss him passionately just pretend it’s normal

\--

**the q team**

_5:57pm_

**sbider:** [screenshot3.jpg]

 **sbider:** [screenshot4.jpg]

 **sbider:** *miley cyrus voice* what does iT MEAN

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** that’s gay and i can appreciate that

 **guy ritchair:** i thought he said the avengers weren’t a poly relationship

 **sbider:** IKR

 **sbider:** I’M SO CONFUSED

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** as opposed to your default confused nature

 **sbider:** AMERICA EXPLAIN

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_5:59pm_

**Pink Panther:** I thought you and Pepper were together, Anthony?

 **Pink Panther:** Also, what?

 **leg of legs:** lmao tony you let thor watch the notebook?

 **Stark™:** I saw the opportunity and i took it natasha

 **Stark™:** Pepper and i are still together and she’s dating hope van dyne

 **pirate angel:** IT WAS A GOOD MOVIE NATASHA

 **stranger things:** did you cry

 **pirate angel:** YES

 **stranger things:** good

 **platypus:** why do you never do shit like this with me tony

 **Stark™:** we do shit like this lots of times rhodey wyd

 **bless the rains:** [eyes emoji x4]

 

\--

**the q team**

_6:01pm_

**sbider:** screenshot5.jpg

 **sbider:** [[confusedmathlady.gif](https://media1.tenor.com/images/fb3f2d1e814190100a4ae401b1660d5b/tenor.gif?itemid=6081931)]

 **sbider:** is this,,,, jealousy,,,,,,,,

 **sbider:** my spidey sense is tingling

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** is it because king t’challa called them out or is it because dr strange stopped using capitalization and punctuation or is it war machine coming out of nowhere

 **sbider:** mmmmmMMMMMMmmm All Of Them

 **guy ritchair:** i wish the spirit of trixie mattel was still with me she would know what to do

\--

**New Chat**

_6:04pm_

_bless the rains has added Stark™, sbider, pirate angel, and bUCKY, and leg of legs to the chat_

_bless the rains has named the chat **there was something in the air that night**_

**sbider:** THE STARS WERE BRIGHT

 **leg of legs:** FERNANDO

 **Stark™:** I’m pushing 50 i can’t possibly keep track of this many group chats

 **Stark™:** Why am i here with these people

 **bless the rains:** i’m starting to doubt your genius, stark

 **bless the rains:** peter you saw it too didn’t you

 **sbider:** i may have probably most likely possibly started discussing it with my SOs

 **and bUCKY:** and what did they say

 **sbider:** You Know What They Said

 **leg of legs:** something gay is going down

 **Stark™:** AMERICA EXPLAIN

 **sbider:** [screenshot5.jpg]

 **sbider:** hey tony analyze this part of the convo for me would you

 **leg of legs:** oh shit first name better take it seriously stark

 **pirate angel:** I FELT IT TOO

 **pirate angel:** I’M QUITE SURE I MADE IT V E R Y CLEAR THAT TONY AND I WERE FRIENDS

 **Stark™:** thats ridiculous

 **Stark™:** its nothing

 **and bUCKY:** Why Do You Deny What You See

 **Stark™:** Hey barnes we’ve still got issues and i feel like that’s something you and i should talk about instead of speculating about people’s “feelings” for me

 **and bUCKY:** we can talk it out later this is just more important

 **Stark™:** Is It, Though

 **sbider:** MR STARK COME ON

 **sbider:** PLEASE

 **Stark™:** So it isn’t just cream you’re begging for i see

 **bless the rains:**  sjbavkc NSADAJbjs ajkbs WHAT

 **leg of legs:** [[laughingnervouslywtf.jpg](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-05/5/15/enhanced/webdr04/enhanced-2315-1430854102-8.jpg?downsize=715:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto)]

 **and bUCKY:** this is making me uncomfortable

 **Stark™:** Good

 **sbider:** WHAT THE FUCK TONY

 **Stark™:** Hey guys analyze this for me would you

 **Stark™:** [starkscreenshot.jpg]

 **bless the rains:** PETER that man is your FATHER

 **pirate angel:** I’d like to leave now, thanks

_bless the rains has changed restrictions on Stark™, sbider, pirate angel, and bUCKY, and leg of legs_

**bless the rains:** NONE OF YOU ARE FREE OF SIN NONE OF YOU ARE GOING ANYWHERE

 **sbider:** MR STARK WHY

 **sbider:** I TOLD YOU NOT TO TAKE YOUR ISSUES OUT ON ME

 **Stark™:** I FEEL LIKE ITS WARRANTED WITH HOW ALL OF YOU ARE SPECULATING

 **leg of legs:** tony stop exposing the poor boy and just admit it

 **leg of legs:** strange, t’challa, and rhodes were jealous even if they don’t realize it

 **pirate angel:** EVERYBODY, SHUT UP

_6:58pm_

**sbider:** i feel so betrayed

 **Stark™:** Shit i’m sorry i’ll make it up to you

 **Stark™:** That was stupid of me to do i just wanted the attention off of me

 **Stark™:** Still doesn’t justify what i did

 **sbider:** it’s okay mr stark we shouldn’t have pushed this on you when you weren’t ready

 **bless the rains:** yeah um sorry too i guess

 **and bUCKY:** im not

 **leg of legs:** we’ll work on that

 **leg of legs:** i’m sorry too btw

 **pirate angel:** I’d just like to point out that I never forced anyone to do anything they were uncomfortable with

 **pirate angel:** From now on, I will preside over the chat

 **bless the rains:** wait wtf i made this chat

 **pirate angel:** Exactly

 **Stark™:** God fine i don’t care

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_9:19pm_

**pidgeot:** why did everyone disappear

 **pidgeot:** am i late to the party again

 **leg of legs:** we’re still here

 **leg of legs:** hi clint

 **pidgeot:** oh hey nat

 **Stark™:** Birdbrain

 **pidgeot:** starkbrain

 **pidgeot:** your username is boring btw

 **Stark™:** So was your comeback

 **Stark™:** And the username sends the point across

 **New Captain:** what point

 **Stark™:** All points

 **eleven:** hi clint

 **eleven:** sorry i have a new dad now

 **pidgeot:** WHAT

 **pidgeot:** WANDA WHY

 **pidgeot:** MY ONLY DAUGHTER

 **pidgeot:** WHO IS IT I HAVE TO PROVE IM THE SUPERIOR FATHER

 **bless the rains:** woah calm down there brian from dream daddy

 **pidgeot:** I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

 **pidgeot:** WANDA WHO IS HE

 **stranger things:** It’s me.

 **pidgeot:** WHO ARE YOU

 **stranger things:** Dr. Stephen Strange, Master of the Mystic Arts.

 **pidgeot:** YEAH OKAY SURE WHATEVER CARDCAPTOR SAKURA WHO TOLD YOU YOU COULD STEAL MY DAUGHTER

 **eleven:** oh my god zack stop

 **sbider:** CARDDAPOTOR SKARUAR MIA VCDAD

 **bless the rains:** [[trixyafanningtheflames.gif](https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sites/sbs.com.au.topics/files/styles/body_image/public/tumblr_ov2dzqszcz1vhka9qo1_r1_500.gif?itok=OPKOZaqm&mtime=1515799166)]

 **Pink Panther:** Go to sleep, Shuri. You’ve been awake all night.

 **bless the rains:** YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING

 **stranger things:** [wandascreenshot.jpg]

 **stranger things:** Your “daughter” did.

 **stranger things:** Also…

 **stranger things:** Look behind you, Barton.

 **pidgeot:** whATTHEDHSGYUFCUK

_9:38pm_

**New Captain:** oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead

 **Stark™:** STRANGE WHAT DID YOU DO

 **stranger things:** I made a portal right behind him and he screamed.

 **stranger things:** clintsface.jpg

 **stranger things:** I am now the superior father.

 **New Captain:** so in addition to sorcerer supreme youre father supreme too

 **stranger things:** Yes, quite.

 **eleven:** i love my new dad

 **sbider:** ummm :/

 **sbider:** sorry dr strange :/

 **sbider:** but the title of father supreme already belongs to mr stark :/

 **stranger things:** Oh? And why would you say that?

 **sbider:** he offered to rent out the louvre for me

 **eleven:** oh shit he got you there

 **stranger things:** I can take Wanda anywhere she wants on this planet.

 **eleven:** yeah but you don’t have any money how will you support me and vision

 **eleven:** how will you pay for our wedding

 **stranger things:** I’m giving you back to Barton.

 **Stark™:** [[blinking.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/l3q2K5jinAlChoCLS/200w.gif)]

 **Stark™:** I’m sorry wedding??????????

 **eleven:** relax stark we’re not actually getting married

 **Stark™:** You better not

 **Stark™:** It’s too early for that kind of decision

 **eleven:** well looks like i have a new dad again

 **Stark™:** You’re in your mid-twenties

 **eleven:** shhhhh i’m trying to bond with you

 **New Captain:** wouldnt it be weird since vision is technically tonys son

 **eleven:** i fucked up

\--

**the q team**

_9:59pm_

**sbider:** being in the avengers gc is draining

 **sbider:** even my soul is tired

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you’ll get used to it

 **guy ritchair:** [sad face x2]

 **guy ritchair:** you want us to come over peter?

 **sbider:** but it’s late??

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** are you kidding we’re already on our way

 **sbider:** i love you guys so much holy shit

 **sbider:** be safe

\--

**Incoming Call**

**James Barnes > Tony Stark**

_11:21pm_

**TONY S.:** Hello?

 **JAMES B.:** It’s me.

 **TONY S.:** Yeah, right, douchebag. That stopped being funny in 2016.

 **TONY S.:** Who is this?

 **JAMES B.:** I know you have my contact, Stark. Stop pretending you don’t know.

 **TONY S.:** Whatever. What do you want, Barnes?

 **JAMES B.:** Look you said we should talk about our issues. This is me reaching out.

 **JAMES B.:** I know it was you who vouched for me at the ICC and the UN and it’s why I’m out here instead of behind bars.

 **TONY S.:** …

 **JAMES B.:** Stark? You still there?

 **TONY S.:** [chair sliding across the floor, a muffled thump] Yeah, I’m still here.

 **JAMES B.:** So…? What do you say?

 **TONY S.:** [huff that sounds like a laugh] I’m bad at emotions, Barnes.

 **JAMES B.:** Yeah, well, so am I.

 **TONY S.:** [heavy sigh, tongue click] If we’re going to talk, I’d prefer not to do it over the phone.

 **TONY S.:** You’re still staying in Brooklyn, right?

 **JAMES B.:** Yeah, can’t exactly go anywhere without a chaperone.

 **JAMES B.:** It’s better than nothing though.

 **JAMES B.:** Why? Wanna meet somewhere near?

 **TONY S.:** You’re the expert in the area. Like you said, you can’t go anywhere without a chaperone.

 **TONY S.:** Somewhere close to where you are would be a good idea.

 **JAMES B.:** There’s a twenty-four-hour sixties style diner a block away from my place.

 **TONY S.:** Text me the address. I’ll be there in fifteen.

 **JAMES B.:** Can’t wait to be vulnerable with you, Stark.

 **TONY S.:** Well, I can’t say the same.

 **JAMES B.:** Also, bring cigarettes. Steve doesn’t let me smoke in the apartment, and it looks like we’re gonna need it.

 **TONY S.:** Yeah, sure, whatever.

 **TONY S.:** See you.

**END CALL**

**\--**

**spiders better step the fuck up**

_2:48am_

**Stark™:** Thanks kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -suggestions, criticisms, regular comments are all welcome i need validation  
> -i'm actually proud of this chapter  
> -i still have no idea what im gonna do with tonys relationship tbh  
> -current vote count is:  
> \--rhodey = 1  
> \--t'challa = 1  
> \--stephen = 0 (rip)  
> -if you want more options for tony feel free to tell me


	4. two bottoms don’t make a top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Starkthony has removed platypus from the chat_
> 
> **sbider:** YEET
> 
>  **Starkthony:** I will not stand for this insubordination
> 
>  **and bUCKY:** yeah cause youre always bent over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY THIS UPDATE TOOK SO LONG  
> i had some stuff come up recently and also i was having trouble editing  
> hopefully this chapter makes up for it  
> im also sorry for the sudden influx of drag race gifs but not really  
> AGAIN underlined phrases/words in brackets are clickable(?) links

**spiders better step the fuck up**

_7:54am_

**sbider:** i’d like to say you’re welcome but i don’t know what for??

 **sbider:** ummm

 **sbider:** mr stark????

 **sbider:** is everything okay??

_8:41am_

**sbider:** mr stark???????????

 **sbider:** i’m getting worried pls reply soon

_8:56am_

**sbider:** that’s it i’m coming over

\--

**the q team**

_9:32am_

_sbider has named the chat **EMERGENCY**_

**sbider:** GUYS!!

 **sbider:** WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!

 **sbider:** [starkscreenshot.jpg]

 **sbider:** SO I WENT TO THE COMPOUND BUT HE! WASNT! THERE!

_9:36am_

**guy ritchair:** relax peter take a deep breath

 **guy ritchair:** also ??? you didn’t tell us you were leaving??

 **sbider:** fuck sorry i didn’t want to wake you up in case i was overreacting

 **sbider:** BUT IM NOT OVERREACTING

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** he’s probably sleeping

 **sbider:** HES MISSING IS WHAT HE IS

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** calm down joyce byers he’s probably fine

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** message the avengers gc they probably know something

 **sbider:** okay okay fuck

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_9:38am_

**sbider:** GUYS

 **sbider:** DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHERE MR STARK IS

 **and bUCKY:** shit he probably didnt tell anyone

 **and bUCKY:** hes at my place hes fine

 **sbider:** umm why is he there

 **stranger things:** and why would he be there

 **platypus:** barnes i swear to god if you’ve done something to him

 **and bUCKY:** WOAH WOAH

 **and bUCKY:** cardcaptor stephen put your capitalization and punctuation back

 **and bUCKY:** and rhodes power down the fucking suit

 **and bUCKY:** like i said HES FINE

 **platypus:** we need a little more than just your word

 **and bUCKY:** [starksleepinginguestbr.jpg]

 **and bUCKY:** thats tonys business if he wants to tell you

 **and bUCKY:** ill tell him to check the chat first thing when he wakes up

 **and bUCKY:** just put the fucking pitchforks away

 **sbider:** i was really worried

 **sbider:** is it okay if i come over and check on him myself

 **and bUCKY:** yeah sure ill text you the address

 **stranger things:** Oh, so, it’s okay if you tell Peter but not us?

 **and bUCKY:** hes the only one who noticed tony was “missing”

 **stranger things:** Okay, I’ll give you that.

_10:01am_

**platypus:** hang on why are you calling tony by his first name

_and bUCKY has left the chat_

**stranger things:** Snake.

 **Not Cap:** Hey >:(

 **Not Cap:** That’s my best friend and QPP you’re talking about >:(

_stranger things has removed Not Cap from the chat_

**\--**

**there was something in the air that night**

_10:03am_

 

 **leg of legs:** [screenshot.jpg]

 **leg of legs:** [screenshot2.jpg]

 **bless the rains:** THE STARS WERE BRIGHT

 **sbider:** FERNANDO

 **leg of legs:** they’re not being very subtle are they

 **and bUCKY:** I LEGIT THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE

 **and bUCKY:** also youve been lurking in the chat and didnt even bother to defend me???????

 **leg of legs:** i didn’t care enough

 **and bUCKY:** add steve to this chat

 **leg of legs:** i don’t think tony would appreciate that but i live for drama so i guess that rules it out

_leg of legs has added Not Cap to the chat_

**Not Cap:** America, explain?

 **and bUCKY:** STOP USING THAT FUCKING MEME STEVEN

 **Not Cap:** BUT I LIKE IT, JAMESON!

 **and bUCKY:** THATS NOT MY NAME BUT OKAY

 **and bUCKY:** also i told you last night i was gonna talk to tony why didnt YOU defend me

 **Not Cap:** In case you haven’t noticed, Bucky, I was kicked off the chat.

 **Not Cap:** Anyway, what’s this place for?

 **bless the rains:** it’s a place where we make [eyes emoji] at the tony stark stans

 **bless the rains:** aka rhodes strange and my idiot brother

 **bless the rains:** hold up

 **and bUCKY:** they dont love you like i love you

 **bless the rains:** nice but srsly

_bless the rains has named the chat [ **eyes emoji]**_

**bless the rains:** wait @peter where are you

 **sbider:** i’m driving home i kind of left my SOs w/o a word and they woke up w/o me

 **Not Cap:** Don’t use your phone while driving!

 **sbider:** i’m at a red light dw

 **and bUCKY:** message us when you get home kid

 **sbider:** [thumbs up emoji x2]

_10:19am_

**sbider:** i’m home

 **sbider:** also ny traffic is the worst

 **bless the rains:** you’re a new yorker don’t you already know this

 **sbider:** yeah but i still hate it shuri

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_10:21am_

**Stark™:** Sorry for making you worry guys

 **Stark™:** But bucky’s right i’m fine

 **platypus:** we need more context, tones

 **Stark™:** Wait i gotta add him back i don’t wanna discuss anything without him here

 **stranger things:** are you two

 **stranger things:** dating now

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_10:22am_

**Stark™:** [screenshot3.jpg]

 **Stark™:** BUC KY WE HVE A P ROBLEM THEY THIKN WERE DTAING

 **and bUCKY:** THNE ADD ME BACK SOWE CAN EXPLIN

 **leg of legs:** explin

 **and bUCKY:** IM PNICKIN NARASHA

 **bless the rains:** narasha

 **Stark™:** N O T THE TIM E

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_10:22am_

**Stark™:**??????????? No?????????

_Stark™ has added and bUCKY to the chat_

_and bUCKY has added Not Cap to the chat_

**and bUCKY:** WEERE NO T DATIGN WTF

 **and bUCKY:** I ALREDAY HAVE A BOYF

 **and bUCKY:** FU C K

_and bUCKY has left the chat_

**Stark™:** FOR FUCKS SAKE BARNES

_Stark™ has added and bUCKY to the chat_

**leg of legs:** WE GET IT STOP YELLING WE CAN TALK ABT YOUR SECRET BOYFRIEND LATER

 **sbider:** I LEAVE YOU GUYS FOR ONE MINUTE AND EVERYTHING HAS GONE TO HELL

_sbider has changed restrictions on 13 chat members_

**sbider:** NONE OF YOU ARE LEAVING THIS CHAT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS CLEARED! UP!

 **sbider:** mr stark please start

 **Stark™:** Okay so bucky invited me over last night

 **platypus:** :/

 **Stark™:** TO TALK ABOUT OUR ISSUES

 **Stark™:** We met at a diner in brooklyn for some food then walked around the neighborhood for a while before we ended up at his apartment complex’s rooftop

 **Stark™:** We kind of spent almost 4 hrs talking there was some crying and surprisingly no yelling

 **Stark™:** But we’re okay now i think

 **and bUCKY:** thats why were on a first name basis now

 **platypus:** okay fuck sorry i was just really worried

 **and bUCKY:** i get it its fine

 **sbider:** dr strange??

 **stranger things:** I think I’m sorry, too.

 **sbider:** that’s good enough i guess

 **sbider:** OKAY now that that’s over pls don’t start any drama in this chat for the rest of the day bc i wanna spend some qt with my partners now

_sbider has changed restrictions on 15 chat members_

**bless the rains:** use protection

 **sbider:** dhskaavdKHVKacDkh NOT LIKE THAT!!

_\--_

**EMERGENCY**

_10:58am_

_sbider has named the chat **the q team**_

**sbider:** it isn’t right

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you’re in the bathroom peter

 **sbider:** i’m taking a shit i just can’t come out and yell it while doing my business

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** fucking gross tmi

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_1:21pm_

**bless the rains:** i have finally finished stranger things

 **sbider:** oh so that’s why you’re always up so late

 **stranger things:** I’ve heard Stranger Things and I’m here.

 **eleven:** i’ve heard stranger things and i’m here

 **sbider:** woah

 **stranger things:** Daughter.

 **eleven:** father who has disowned me

 **stranger things:** I can take you back?

 **eleven:** what a privilege

 **eleven:** but sure whatever

 **bless the rains:** [clapping emoji x3] YES BACK TO MY THING PLS THANKS

 **bless the rains:** as of this moment the only steve i stan is steve harrington

 **Not Cap:** :(

 **and bUCKY:** why do you keep typing out emojis tf

 **Not Cap:** I don’t like emojis.

 **bless the rains:** you claim bucky is your qpp and yet when he needs to be defended you don’t

 **and bUCKY:** you just lurk like natasha

 **and bUCKY:** youre both fakes

 **leg of legs:** [monkey see no evil emoji]

 **Not Cap:** That’s fair.

 **stranger things:** Steve Harrington knows what he feels and does something about it.

 **stranger things:** And although reluctantly, he will help anyone who needs it.

 **stranger things:** He doesn’t leave people be.

 **and bUCKY:** [eyes emoji x7]

 **bless the rains:** well to be fair steve harrington lets someone go if they’re not happy with him

 **and bUCKY:** oh shit steve

 **and bUCKY:** they’re onto you

 **leg of legs:** he’s sweating right now isn’t he

 **New Captain:** hi guys

 **New Captain:** also yeahhdksnvbsbviOHSADBIdhsabkhKBSA

 **bless the rains:** oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead

 **sbider:** why does this always happen

 **Not Cap:** I’M BREAKING UP WITH SAM!

 **New Captain:** HE FUCKING TACKLED ME

 **Stark™:** I’m having flashbacks

 **Not Cap:** Tony :(

 **Not Cap:** No :(

 **Stark™:** [[disappearingpeacesign.jpg](https://memegenerator.net/img/images/16572181.jpg)]

_Stark™ has left the chat_

**sbider:** FUCK I DIDNT PUT RESTRICTIONS BACK ON HIM

_sbider has added Stark™ to the chat_

_sbider has changed restrictions on Stark™_

**leg of legs:** *dua lipa voice* you’ve made your bed now sleep in it

 **Stark™:** I Am Full Of Regret

 **and bUCKY:** you know you and steve need to talk about what happened

 **and bUCKY:** you didnt even mention anything abt it during the Thanos Incident

 **Stark™:** But i’m bad at emotions james

 **and bUCKY:** so am i but we managed just fine

 **sbider:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **and bUCKY:** NOT LIKE THAT YOU NASTY HO

 **bless the rains:** NO! ANCIENT! MEMES! IN! MY! LOBBY!

 **Stark™:** Ugh ugh ugh

 **Stark™:** Do i have to

 **Stark™:** Also @peter keep that up and you’ll be saying goodbye to the louvre

 **sbider:** mr stark i trusted you

 **Stark™:** FUCK okay i was lying

 **sbider:** :)

 **Not Cap:** …………

 **Stark™:** God i’m so bad at this

 **Stark™:** We can talk later i guess

 **Not Cap:** :)

 **and bUCKY:** oh my god steve is peter your son

 **Not Cap:** No, Bucky, what the fuck.

 **sbider:** that’s okay i already lost one father this isn’t new

 **Not Cap:** I mean, unless he wants to be.

 **Stark™:** Fuck off get your own son

 **sbider:** [shocked face emoji]

_leg of legs has set sbider’s name to starkling_

**bless the rains:** we were talking about stranger things how did we get here

 **starkling:** i’m glad this chat is serving its purpose

\--

**the q team**

_2:34pm_

**starkling:** you guys get home okay?

 **guy ritchair:** yup!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** tf is up with your username

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** how will you shove the gay agenda down people’s throats now

 **starkling:** i can think of a few things i can shove down my throat

 **guy ritchair:** PTER N O

 **guy ritchair:** HES BENE VISTIED BY ETH SPIRT OF TOY N STRAK

 **starkling:** toy n strak i love it

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** we’re changing it

 **starkling:** NO what if mr stark gets offended

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** then change it in the avengers gc tf

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_2:36pm_

_starkling has set their name to sbider_

**sbider:** sorry mr stark but i don’t want people to think i’m straight

 **Stark™:** I’m one of the least straight people in this chat but sure whatever

 **Stark™:** Also what a mood tf

 **sbider:** i need to assert my dominance

 **bless the rains:** you’re a bottom wyd

 **sbider:** IM A MNIOR I CNAT TAKL ABT THIS HEER

 **bless the rains:** yeah bt you’re turning 18 soon

 **sbider:** IN A TYAER

 **bless the rains:** idk what a tyaer is

 **Stark™:** THIS IS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE

 **Stark™:** @SHURI THAT IS MY SON

_bless the rains has set sbider’s name to BEGGING FOR CREAM_

_bless the rains has changed restrictions on BEGGING FOR CREAM_

**bless the rains:** i will never forget

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** SHURI WHAT THE FUCK

 **jean valjean:** UMM WTF

 **jean valjean:** I LOG ON BC I GOT TIRED OF IGNORING MY NOTIFS

 **jean valjean:** BUT IF THIS IS WHAT I COME BACK TO THEN IM STAYING AWAY FOREVER

_jean valjean has left the chat_

**BEGGING FOR CREAM:** i forgot to set restrictions back on him too fucj

_BEGGING FOR CREAM has added jean valjean to the chat_

_BEGGING FOR CREAM has changed restrictions on jean valjean_

**jean valjean:** NO I DONT WANT TO BE HERE

 **jean valjean:** I THINK IM STRESSING OUT

 **Stark™:** LIVE WITH IT WE ALL HAVE TO

 **Stark™:** PETER CHANGE YOUR USERNAME BEFORE ANYBODY ELSE SEES

 **bless the rains:** they can still scroll up tho lmao

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** I CNT SHURI DID SMETHING

 **eleven:** oh my god

 **stranger things:**  I feel violated.

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** HWO DO Y OU THNIK I FEL DR STARNG E

 **BEGGING FOR CREAM:** SHURIS PL S

 **bless the rains:** i only wanted to hear you beg

_Pink Panther has left the chat_

**bless the rains:** fucking weak

_bless the rains has set BEGGING FOR CREAM’s name to sbider_

_bless the rains has added Pink Panther to the chat_

_bless the rains has changed restrictions on Pink Panther_

**bless the rains:** what do you say when somebody does something for you peter

 **sbider:** IM NTO GRATEFUL

 **bless the rains:** don’t make me do it bitch

 **sbider:** fine thanks i guess

 **Pink Panther** Shuri, I don’t want to ever hear you talk about these things ever again.

 **bless the rains:** YOURE SUCH A PRUDE THIS IS WHY YOU DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND

 **Pink Panther:** THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND EITHER!

 **bless the rains:** FUCKIN

_bless the rains has removed Pink Panther from the chat_

**Stark™:** Fuckin savage

 **bless the rains:** it’s what he deserves

 **Stark™:** I was talking about his comeback

_bless the rains has removed Stark™ from the chat_

**sbider:** NO

 _sbider has added_ _Stark™ and Pink Panther to the chat_

_sbider has changed restrictions on bless the rains_

**bless the rains:** wtf Richard

 **sbider:** you have too much power

 **sbider:** [[jodiefoster.gif](https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sites/sbs.com.au.topics/files/styles/body_image/public/tumblr_oz1buzlown1wuia7mo1_500.gif?itok=KyeN0ko1&mtime=1515798798)]

 **Pink Panther:** Shuri, this is why you’re in R&D.

 **bless the rains:** the fucking insolence

\--

**the q team**

_2:42pm_

**sbider:** [screenshot4.jpg]

 **sbider:** [screenshot5.jpg]

 **sbider:** i’m taking shuri off my christmas list

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** but it’s the truth??

 **sbider:** [[eatachizit-stfu.gif](https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sites/sbs.com.au.topics/files/styles/body_image/public/tumblr_or3xwpnhe41vi8rg3o1_500.gif?itok=FXXh-3Nu&mtime=1515799166)]

 **guy ritchair:** SO PETER

 **guy ritchair:** MR STARK IS OKAY THEN??

 **sbider:** we talked about that when i came back this morning??

 **guy ritchair:** i’m trying to change the subject peter

 **sbider:** oh right thanks lmao

_2:47pm_

**guy ritchair:** remember the time we all got high while may was out of town and you cried because i wouldn’t let you swing out of the balcony w/o your suit

 **sbider:** thanks for that btw that would’ve been a disaster

 **guy ritchair:** you almost did bc mj locked me in the closet good thing i came out in time

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** nice coming out pun

 **guy ritchair:** thanks i was waiting to use that

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i still wanna see peter swing out the balcony as himself tho

 **sbider:** so do i tbh

 **sbider:** but that was also the first night i kissed you two

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** Soft Ho

 **sbider:** i’m reminiscing mj don’t ruin it

 **sbider:** i kinda regret that i was high when i first kissed you guys bc what if i didn’t remember but at the same time not bc i wouldn’t have had the guts to do it at all

 **sbider:** i’m so fucking glad i didn’t forget it was one of the best things that ever happened to me

 **sbider:** i just love you guys so much

_2:55pm_

**sbider:** [[latriceunprofessionalism.gif](https://assets.rbl.ms/10622201/980x.gif)]

 **guy ritchair:** IM SORYR I GTO SO OVREWEHLMED I M CYRNG SO HRD

 **sbider:** OH MY GOD I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY IM SORRY

 **guy ritchair:** DON T BE IM JST SO M O V E D

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i don’t have any feelings

 **guy ritchair:** she’s crying too don’t listen to her peter

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** I HAVE A REPUTATION

 **sbider:** it’s okay i love you

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** hello 911 yes i would like to request for a new boyfriend to replace peter paker he was so soft he made me cry

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** hello

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** they hung up on me

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i guess i’m stuck with you

 **sbider:** [heart emoji x10]

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_4:20pm_

**and bUCKY:** blaze it

 **Not Cap:** :/

 **ridley scott:** bucky whos your bf

_and bUCKY has left the chat_

**leg of legs:** ffs

_leg of legs has added and bUCKY to the chat_

_leg of legs has changed restrictions on and bUCKY_

**leg of legs:** answer the fucking question barnes

 **and bUCKY:** id literally rather die

 **Not Cap:** How about don’t.

 **leg of legs:** i’m guessing steve already knows

 **and bUCKY:** whats it to you

 **leg of legs:** why are you being defensive

 **leg of legs:** it’s someone in this chat isn’t it

 **and bUCKY:** yeah its tony

 **Pink Panther:** Sgt. Barnes, if you would so kindly mail your arm to the address I will be sending you in our private chat.

 **and bUCKY:** WTF I WAS JOKING

 **Pink Panther:** Yes, in poor taste.

_\--_

**[eyes emoji]**

_4:23pm_

**and bUCKY:** [screenshot6.jpg]

 **and bUCKY:** LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCJ

 **and bUCKY:** STARK CONTAIN YOUR BOYFRIEND

 **Stark™:** He’s not my boyfriend??

 **bless the rains:** [knife emoji x4]

 **Stark™:** You keep roasting him why are you defending him now

 **bless the rains:** he may be a big bitch but he’s unfortunately still my brother

 **leg of legs:** who’s your fucking boyfriend barnes

 **Not Cap:** It’s Sam.

 **leg of legs:** i knew it

 **sbider:** uhhhhh

 **bless the rains:** i am confusion

 **Stark™:**???? why are you here??

 **Stark™:** Also i thought wilson was YOUR boyfriend

 **Not Cap:** It’s called polyamory, guys.

 **Stark™:** Yeah okay you got me there

 **sbider:** wait so bucky you’re dating steve too??

 **and bUCKY:** god fucking dammit steve

 **and bUCKY:** but no im not were just qpps

 **bless the rains:** good for you i guess

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_4:34pm_

**ridley scott:** hi im still here and still curious

 **eleven:** do you have another gc w/o us

 **Stark™:** No

 **and bUCKY:** no why would we

 **sbider:** that’s stupid we already have one here

 **Not Cap:** no

 **eleven:** yeah steve gave it away

 **and bUCKY:** DAMMIT STEVE

 **Stark™:** I see you’re still a bad liar

 **Not Cap:** :(

 **leg of legs:** save it for the Talk™, tony

 **Stark™:** [peace sign emoji x2]

 **pirate angel:** Yes, we do have another group chat

_leg of legs has removed Not Cap and pirate angel from the chat_

**bless the rains:** thanks widow

 **leg of legs:** no snakes in our lobby right?

 **bless the rains:** hibvvb marry me

 **Pink Panther:** Do not.

_Pink Panther has added Not Cap and pirate angel to the chat_

**pirate angel:** EXCUSE YOU

 **pirate angel:** IF ANYONE DOES THAT AGAIN, I’LL ZAP THEM WITH 5000 VOLTS

 **leg of legs:** [[thanksbutimgay.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJFh9u7W4AQI7zU.jpg)]

 **Pink Panther:** Who’s your boyfriend, Barnes?

 **and bUCKY:** WHY DO YALL WANNA KNOW SO MUCH

 **New Captain:** its me

 **and bUCKY:** yeah

 **pidgeot:** what sam i thought you were dating steve

 **pidgeot:** what happened to being bird pals yoU NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING

 **New Captain:** youre too sensitive clint

 **pidgeot:** BUT WERE FRIENDS

 **New Captain:** anyway i AM dating steve im just dating bucky too unfortunately

 **and bUCKY:** bitch

 **New Captain:** fuck you

 **Not Cap:** Sam has two hands.

 **and bUCKY:** two gay hands

 **ridley scott:** so why arent bucky and steve dating too

 **and bUCKY:** i love the dork but were more comfortable staying friends

 **Not Cap:** And when we both started dating Sam, we thought why not be queerplatonic partners, too?

 **eleven:**  that’s gay and good

 **sbider:** [[criesinbisexual.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d1/e3/56/d1e356a70fef55277263e1fe7e1d9d73.jpg)]

 **Stark™:** Bitch me too the fuck

_5:29pm_

_sbider has set Stark™’s name to BIron Man_

**BIron Man** I love it

 **sbider:** [blushing smiley face emoji]

_bless the rains has set BIron Man’s name to BICON Man_

**BICON Man:** It sounds like bacon man

_leg of legs has set BICON Man’s name to Bacon Man_

**Bacon Man:** GUYS STOP

 **eleven:** sounds like bitcoin

_jean valjean has set Bacon Man’s name to Bitcoin Man_

**Bitcoin Man:** ET TU BRUCE

 **jean valjean:** it’s the most accurate so far

_Bitcoin Man has set their name to Top Stark_

**platypus:** you’re a bottom wyd

 **bless the rains:** FUCKIN EXPOSED

 **sbider:** THIS IS R18 TALK IM A MINOR PLS DON’T

 **bless the rains:** stop being fake peter

 **sbider:** :/

 **Top Stark:** shut UP rhodey i trustED YOU

 **stranger things:** I’m sorry, Tony, but I don’t think this will work anymore.

 **Top Stark:**?? idk what you’re talking about????

 **stranger things:** Two bottoms don’t make a top.

 **New Captain:** IM CRYING WTF

_sbider has set Top Stark’s name to Starkthony_

**sbider:** sorry mr stark but it was making me uncomfortable :/

 **bless the rains:** ffs peter

 **Starkthony:** I’ll take it

 **platypus:** yeah bc you’re a bottom

_Starkthony has removed platypus from the chat_

**sbider:** YEET

 **Starkthony:** I will not stand for this insubordination

 **and bUCKY:** yeah cause youre always bent over

 **sbider:** [[ohbitch.gif](https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sites/sbs.com.au.topics/files/styles/body_image/public/tumblr_ovhau5dwju1w21rpco1_500.gif?itok=EiCRaTnp&mtime=1515798798)]

 **Starkthony:** Don’t do it james

 **leg of legs:** i’m bringing him back

 **Starkthony:** Ffs natalie nO

 **leg of legs:** just for that, natalie YES

_leg of legs has added platypus to the chat_

**platypus:** i’m friend breaking up with you tony

_sbider has removed platypus from the chat_

**sbider:** HES SENSITIVE AUBREY

 **Starkthony:** Noooo :(

 **Starkthony:** I can’t go on without my baby :(

_Starkthony has left the chat_

**sbider:** WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING TO PUT RESTRICTIONS BACK ON HIM

 **eleven:** WTF THATS SO EXTRA

 **pidgeot:** HE KICKED RHODEY OUT FIRST IM YELLIN

 **Not Cap:** I don’t like talking about Tony while he isn’t here. Someone add him back.

 **and bUCKY:** why bc youll leave too if he’s gone for long

 **New Captain:** steve: *sweats* no

 **Not Cap:** no

 **New Captain:** lmaosajv os vadQB AOJ

 **and bUCKY:** he fucking dead

_and bUCKY has set New Captain’s name to ms keisha_

**sbider:** this chat was a mistake

_5:43pm_

**Pink Panther:** Is anyone actually going to add Anthony and James back?

 **and bUCKY:**?? im still here

 **and bUCKY:** oh wait

 **leg of legs:** i have to do fucking everything in this house

_leg of legs has added platypus and Starkthony to the chat_

_leg of legs has set Starkthony’s name to Stark™_

**leg of legs:** you’re your own brand and i got used to it

 **Stark™:** thanks boo

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_6:01 pm_

_leg of legs has added ms keisha to the chat_

**Stark™:** Are we just gonna add everyone to this chat what’s the point of the other one then

 **ms keisha:** for fucks sake bucky

 **and bUCKY:** i didnt add you tho

 **ms keisha:** no i know that i was talking about my username

 **and bUCKY:** yeah but steve kills you a lot its appropriate

 **ms keisha:** i didnt realize you knew big words

 **and bUCKY:** im leaving you

 **ms keisha:** good

 **Not Cap:** Guys :(

 **Stark™:** Hi i’d like to remind everyone this chat is about me take your banter to the main one

 **and bUCKY:** sam if you really hate your new username then change it

 **ms keisha:** no fuck you im keeping it

 **pirate angel:** Im trying to sleep shut up

 **leg of legs:** then put your phone on silent

 **sbider:** it’s only 6 pm??

 **pirate angel:** Im 6 hours ahead

 **sbider:** sorry pls get some rest you beautiful creature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to make this chapter 6k words to make up for not updating but i ran out of ideas im sorry  
> current vote count:  
> -t'challa = 1  
> -rhodey = 5  
> -stephen = .5  
> -quill = .5  
> -thor = .5  
> -bucky = .5  
> -everyone = .5  
> cast your votes guys lmao  
> btw if you vote for more than one person, i'll give each of your choices half a vote sorry i don't make the rules  
> and i’m lowkey thinking of making the next chapter 7k words give or take


	5. Thirsting Over Thor Thing™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **tathor thots:** [valkyrie.jpg]
> 
>  **jean valjean:** god what an icon
> 
>  **jean valjean:** wearing shades and 6 inch heels lounging in a pool chair in the middle of an empty parking lot at night
> 
>  **jean valjean:** cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other
> 
>  **tathor thots:** And wearing only a Gucci kimono
> 
>  **leg of legs:** it’s the aesthetic edgy people wish to have but can never pull off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy fourth of july Americans  
> last chapter i said i wanted to reach 7k words for this one but alas i only got to 4.5k  
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> \--nothing major or explicit, just some mention of attempted sexual assault but not on or by any of the main characters  
> \--jic you want to skip it, the convo starts at 9:34 am and ends at 10:16 am  
> \--the only important thing that happened is that peter met deadpool  
> ONCE AGAIN underline phrases/words in brackets are hyperlinks  
> HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY

**the q team**

_9:21am_

**guy ritchair:** hey so as much as i like staying indoors with you guys

 **guy ritchair:** it’s the summer

 **guy ritchair:** summer in the greatest city in the world

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i know you’re quoting hamilton but that’s debatable

 **sbider:** [[ninkiminjaj.jpg](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/4PRbjMEwBBk/mqdefault.jpg)]

 **guy ritchair:** i’m not comfortable with the sea peter

 **sbider:** that’s only cause a jellyfish stung you that one time literally a decade ago

 **guy ritchair:** IT WAS A TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE OKAY

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** breaking out the caps before 10 am is my favorite coffee flavor

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** oh and peter i found your vape yesterday

 **sbider:** that’s a vibrator

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [petersvape.jpg]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i didn’t realize vibrators released clouds of vapor

 **sbider:** it’s a new feature

 **guy ritchair:** kinda funny how our gen thinks having a vibrator is less embarrassing thn having a vape

 **sbider:** ITS NOT EVEN MINE

 **sbider:** ITS FLASHS VAPE

 **guy ritchair:** why do you have flash’s vape????

 **sbider:** remember that one project we had for lit

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** oh yeah you never told us what happened

 **sbider:** we were working on it in the library and it fell out his bag so i took it

 **sbider:** i was planning to give it back but he made fun of you guys so i never did

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** even when you’re petty you’re soft

 **guy ritchair:** you never told us what your project was about tho

 **sbider:** OH YEAH

 **sbider:** fuck it was so embarrassing he wanted to write spider-man fanfic for the project

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** omg pls tell me you did

 **sbider:** :/

 **sbider:** i have never wanted to literally become a spider in that moment and have someone just

 **sbider:** squish me to death

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** kinky

 **sbider:** [[idontwanttodothiswithyouanymore.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/9a75705c862173443edca5a88ea9fb92/tumblr_inline_p2zwczFIL51szf7zt_540.png)]

_9:34am_

**guy ritchair:** oh!! speaking of spider-man how was patrolling last night peter?

 **sbider:** surprisingly light

 **sbider:** stopped a b&e altho i don’t think they were even trying bc they ran as soon as they saw me

 **sbider:** chased and apprehended a mugger

 **sbider:** oh and i met deadpool

 **sbider:** we stopped an attempted r*pe

 **sbider:** convinced deadpool from killing the guy

 **sbider:** you know light stuff

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** wait hold up

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you met DEADPOOL??

 **sbider:** i know it was totally random

 **sbider:** he flirted w/ me and i didn’t know how to tell him i was underage w/o giving away my identity

 **guy ritchair:** so you just let him flirt with you??

 **guy ritchair:** shit that must’ve been uncomfortable

 **sbider:** yeah it was but i told him so and he stopped

 **sbider:** he’s a nice guy if you look past all the killing and maiming

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** was the person okay?

 **sbider:** yeah he’s kinda funny

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i mean the one who was almost assaulted

 **sbider:** oh right yeah she was a little shaken but she was okay

 **sbider:** took her to the hospital after deadpool took care of the guy

 **guy ritchair:** that’s good i’m glad she’s safe

 **sbider:** btw

 **sbider:** did i tell you she goes to our school?

 **sbider:** she’s a freshman

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** fuck i hope you gave that asshole a good kick in the nuts

 **sbider:** i may have snuck in a hit or two

 **guy ritchair:** good

_10:16am_

**guy ritchair:** you guys wanna go on a lush date?

 **sbider:** you mean lunch date?

 **guy ritchair:** no i mean lush the store

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** sure i’m out of my fave cleanser anyway

 **sbider:** what time?

 **guy ritchair:** in 30 mins if that’s okay

 **sbider:** yeah i’m in maybe we can go grab lunch after

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** see you losers

\--

**Murder, I Guess**

_12:21pm_

**leg of legs:** i spy with my little spider eye

 **leg of legs:** a little sbider on a date

 **leg of legs:** [petermjnedinacafe.jpg]

 **Stark™:** Thanks for not telling us you were back from dc i guess

 **leg of legs:** i just got in this morning

 **pidgeot:** is that deadpool doing a peace sign

 **Stark™:** fuck where

 **pidgeot:** the one in the i heart dp shirt

 **Stark™:** someone get him away from my son

 **leg of legs:** on it

_12:25pm_

**leg of legs:** It Is Done

 **Stark™:** There’s a bottle of your favorite rosé waiting at the compound for your good work

 **leg of legs:** this is why you’re my favorite

 **leg of legs:** [lipstick kiss emoji]

 **Stark™:** I knew you only wanted me for my money

 **leg of legs:** i did a job for you and i expected to get paid

 **Stark™:** Tucci

_12:36pm_

**sbider:** i think it’s creepy that you took a picture of me and my partners on our date widow

 **sbider:** and lmao i knew that scream sounded familiar

 **leg of legs:** [paparazzichoruslyrics.jpg]

 **pirate angel:** What’s a tucci?

 **Stark™:** It’s supposed to be touché but i got lazy typing it out

 **sbider:** mood

 **sbider:** oh shit i gotta go mj’s giving me the Death Look for being on my phone

 **sbider:** talk later guys

 **ridley scott:** i think its fucked that a 17 y/o has a fulfilling love life and im single

 **pirate angel:** Is this where I say ‘mood’?

 **Stark™:** Yes

 **pirate angel:** Alright then, mood

 **Stark™:** You Are Learning

 **Stark™:** I am proud of you my sun and stars

 **pirate angel:** Thank you, moon of my life

 **ridley scott:** wtf thor you cant just say mood then pull this sappy bullshit

 **pirate angel:** It isn’t my fault I have charisma and you don’t

 **Stark™:** This is why i’m literally in love with you

 **ridley scott:** I Came Out To Have A Good Time And I’m Honestly Feeling So Attacked Right Now

_leg of legs has removed ridley scott from the chat_

**bless the rains:** thanks widow

 **bless the rains:** can i say the thing

 **leg of legs:** be my guest

 **bless the rains:** NO ANCIENT MEMES IN MY LOBBY

_12:41pm_

**and bUCKY:** this is some double standard right here

 **and bUCKY:** @tony stark stans whats good assholes

 **and bUCKY:** i make a joke about dating tony and i almost die

 **and bUCKY:** but lord of thots here makes got references with tony and suddenly its quiet

 **ms keisha:** thats fair but look at yourself

 **ms keisha:** look at thor

 **and bUCKY:** THAT MEANS NOTHING TO ME

 **ms keisha:** what am i supposed to believe you wouldnt leave me alone if i looked like thor

 **and bUCKY:** i wouldnt leave you AT ALL if you looked like thor

 **ms keisha:** i will drop kick you into the atlantic

 **and bUCKY:** [[trymebitch.gif](https://media1.tenor.com/images/2687cf6063d7f6510903015a29e06c7b/tenor.gif?itemid=6232209)]

 **pirate angel:** Please do continue

 **pirate angel:** I appreciate all the attention

 **jean valjean:** as much as i’m loving this thirsting over Thor thing that’s going on

_leg of legs has named the chat **thirsting over thor thing**_

**jean valjean:** thanks nat but please respect my intellectual property

_leg of legs has named the chat **Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**_

**jean valjean:** i love it

 **jean valjean:** ANYWAY

 **jean valjean:** Strange is acting weird he’s floating and doing this head banging thing but with more heads

 **jean valjean:** is that normal

 **Stark™:** Yeah he does that a lot don’t mind him

 **Stark™:** How’s living at the sanctum

 **jean valjean:** aside from this shit, it’s been pretty normal actually

 **Stark™:** You sure you don’t wanna stay at the compound

 **jean valjean:** i can visit from time to time but i'd rather stay here, Strange is a really good meditating partner

 **jean valjean:** and he makes really good tea

 **Stark™:** Okay tell me if you change your mind

 **Stark™:** Is he still doing the head banging

 **jean valjean:** yeah i’m getting a little worried

\--

**Awesome Facial Hair Bros**

_12:47pm_

**Stark™:** You’re freaking bruce out zack stop

 **stranger things:** I stopped when he left the room.

 **stranger things:** And I only looked into the future a little.

 **Stark™:** What for

 **Stark™:** And stop worrying bruce over nothing He’s A Sensitive Boy

 **stranger things:** Banner should be used to seeing weird things. He transforms into a giant green rage monster, for God’s sake.

 **Stark™:** Why do you type like that

 **stranger things:** I am a professional.

 **Stark™:** Whatever

 **Stark™:** The exoskeleton working okay?

 **stranger things:** Yes, my hands are shaking less than they used to.

 **stranger things:** Thanks again for making them.

 **Stark™:** Eh it’s fine

 **Stark™:** I have to make a new set that’ll help stop the shaking completely though

 **stranger things:** These are fine, Tony. In fact, they’re more than enough.

 **Stark™:** I’m still making them anyway

 **stranger things:** You’ve started them already, haven’t you?

 **Stark™:** Maybe

\--

**Bleecker Street Boys**

_12:52pm_

**stranger things:** Wong i’m GAY

 **stranger things:** [facialhairbrosscreenshot.jpg]

 **that is NOT correct:** I know, Stephen.

 **stranger things:** WHY IS HE THIS WAY

 **that is NOT correct:** I don’t know, Stephen.

**\--**

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_2:12pm_

**bless the rains:** i’m a smol lesbean i don’t think i can relate

 **Pink Panther:** I can.

\--

**Wakanda Shoes Are Those**

_2:12pm_

**bless the rains:** what you’re not thirsting over tony anymore

 **Pink Panther:** I still am dw

 **Pink Panther:** But I mean Thor’s a literal god have you seen him

 **bless the rains:** just pick one t’challa oh my god

 **Pink Panther:** I’ve touched Thor’s muscles you wouldn’t understand

 **Pink Panther:** If Anthony’s the one who awakened my sexuality then Thor cemented it

 **bless the rains:** that’s fucking gay

 **Pink Panther:** Right and have you found a girlfriend yet

 **bless the rains:** [[imakelonelinessworkforme.gif](https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sites/sbs.com.au.topics/files/styles/body_image/public/tumblr_ougv86gwdu1vbdnkbo1_500.gif?itok=EiU5OW3M&mtime=1515799166)]

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_2:13pm_

_pirate angel has added ridley scott to the chat_

**ridley scott:**  thanks thor

 **leg of legs:** all lesbians are thor excluding lesbians shuri

 **bless the rains:** i mean

 **bless the rains:** i guess

 **pirate angel:** Aside from my friend, that is true

 **bless the rains:** who is this lesbian friend tathor thots introduce us please

 **bless the rains:** this could mean i can finally get a gf

 **pirate angel:** Tathor thots, I like it

_pirate angel has set their name to tathor thots_

_tathor thots has added 2 shots of vodka_

**2 shots of vodka:** im bisexual thor

 **2 shots of vodka:** just bc im not into you doesnt make me any less bi

 **tathor thots:** You’re right but I’m still the most attractive and also most powerful avenger

 **2 shots of vodka:** debatable

 **tathor thots:** This is Brunhilde aka Valkyrie, she’s my childhood hero

 **2 shots of vodka:** just call me val

 **bless the rains:** hi i’m gay

 **2 shots of vodka:** good for you

 **leg of legs:** i’m gay too nice to meet you

 **tathor thots:** The first gay is Shuri and the second gay is Natasha

 **2 shots of vodka:** nice to meet you gays i guess

 **2 shots of vodka:** okay can i leave now

 **tathor thots:** But why??

 **2 shots of vodka:** bc i want to

 **tathor thots:** Fine then, go

_2 shots of vodka has left the chat_

**bless the rains:** that was the best 2 mins of my life

 **Pink Panther:** If this Valkyrie is Thor’s childhood hero, exactly how old is she?

 **Stark™:** Simba out here asking the real questions

 **Pink Panther:** Simba was a lion, Anthony.

 **Stark™:** Semantics

 **tathor thots:** Give or take 3000 years

 **bless the rains:** wow somehow i’m gayer than before

 **leg of legs:** thor do you have a picture of her

 **tathor thots:** [valkyrie.jpg]

 **jean valjean:** god what an icon

 **jean valjean:** wearing shades and 6 inch heels lounging in a pool chair in the middle of an empty parking lot at night

 **jean valjean:** cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other

 **tathor thots:** And wearing only a Gucci kimono

 **leg of legs:** it’s the aesthetic edgy people wish to have but can never pull off

 **bless the rains:** what are those markings on her eyes

 **jean valjean:** they’re all the people she’s killed

 **tathor thots:** I already told you, Bruce, they’re some of the markings of a Valkyrie

 **jean valjean:** but aren’t those the ones on her forearms

 **tathot thots:** Yes, but those are permanent. The ones on her eyes are removable

 **jean valjean:** still doesn’t convince me

 **bless the rains:** if thor has cemented t’challa’s sexuality then this woman has cemented mine

 **Stark™:** Wow nice lighting esp in the dark

 **Stark™:** Who took the picture

 **tathor thots:** Loki did

 **Stark™:** He’s never allowed in this groupchat or this country do you hear me

 **tathor thots:** :/

 **tathor thots:** He’s better now :/

 **Stark™:** He threw me out of a 110 story window

 **Stark™:** And also destroyed like half of manhattan

 **Stark™:** And threatened world domination

 **tathor thots:** He needed some milk :/

 **jean valjean:** i can’t help but notice that strongest avenger comment Thor

 **jean valjean:** we’ve been over this

 **jean valjean:** I’M the most powerful avenger

 **tathor thots:** WHAT? Who told you

 **jean valjean:** Tony did

 **tathor thots:** Moon of my life, how could you

 **Stark™:** It’s not you it’s me

 **Stark™:** Please take me back my sun and stars

 **tathor thots:** Okay

 **tathor thots:** But in all seriousness, Bruce, I literally ‘yeeted’ my axe into Thanos’ chest which automatically makes me stronger

 **eleven:** i bought us some time with my powers while emergency shutting down my boyfriend you’re not special

 **tathor thots:** Okay, I’ll give you that

 **bless the rains:** speaking of vision, where is he

 **bless the rains:** i’ve never seen him in this chat

 **eleven:** he muted it

 **eleven:** i’ve tried to get him to say hi at least 6 times but every time he just makes the windows shutting down noise

 **Stark™:** I’ve raised him well

 **Stark™:** How’s Scotland treating you guys

 **eleven:** it’s humid and rainy but it’s nice

 **Stark™:** If vision starts short circuiting just put him in rice and hope for the best

 **eleven:** i tried that once he didn’t like it

_2:51pm_

**bless the rains:** wait where’s peter

 **bless the rains:** @peter you’re missing a lot

 **sbider:** i’m still on my date i’ll scroll up later

 **bless the rains:** wtf how do i get a date

 **Pink Panther:** You have to talk to people.

 **bless the rains:** [[trixiemattelbackhand.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CMtqf8QWUAAfCAT.jpg)]

\--

**the q team**

_3:28pm_

**guy ritchair:** you guys get home okay??

 **sbider:** yeah i’m home

 **sbider:** fuck i can’t wait to try all my new skincare i’m so excited

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you didn’t want to get them at first

 **sbider:** that’s bc ever since that spider bite i stopped breaking out

 **guy ritchair:** god i’m so jealous

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** that skin is wasted on you you never take care of it

 **sbider:** bc i never have to michelle

 **guy ritchair:** anything exciting happen in the avengers gc??

 **sbider:** wait lemme check

_3:34pm_

**sbider:** yeah i can’t screenshot everything

 **sbider:** but long story short the avengers are Nuts

 **guy ritchair:** you can show us when you guys come over for dinner

 **sbider:** fuck im so excited for your mom’s chicken adobo

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_4:33pm_

**sbider:** [lushstuff.jpg]

 **sbider:** look at all this shit

 **sbider:** i literally blew all my money today

 **leg of legs:** those probably cost around 50 dollars overall

 **sbider:** yeah all my money

 **sbider:** WAIT MR STAR K WHT THE FUMK

 **and bUCKY:** what what happened

 **sbider:** SMEONE TRANSFRED 10K TO MY BA NK ACCT

 **eleven:** WHAT who

 **eleven:** POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

 **sbider:** M RSTARK

 **Stark™:** idk what youre talking abt

 **sbider:** i cANT ACCPT T H IS

 **Stark™:** It’s already there i’m not taking it back

 **sbider:** BT TORNY

 **Stark™:** Who’s torny

 **sbider:** aADBV CSSAK YOU KNO WHT I MEAN

 **Stark™:** I’ll Give You A Million Things I’ll Never Own

 **leg of legs:** but you can own everything if you want

 **Stark™:** You’ll never catch these queer hands anywhere near crocs

 **sbider:** thanks mr stark but the crocs turned me off

 **Stark™:** Well there’s not a lot of musicals i can quote that deals with parenthood peter

 **sbider:** how abt waitress

 **Stark™:** That was one song and her kid wasn’t even born yet

 **Stark™:** And it’s too close to home

 **and bUCKY:** i didnt peg you for a theatre nerd tony

 **Stark™:** Only pepper can peg me :/

 **sbider:** GOOD FUCKING BYE

_sbider has left the chat_

**bless the rains:** he disappoints me

_Stark™ has added sbider to the chat_

_Stark™ has changed restrictions on sbider_

**Stark™:** I’m a rich person living in nyc james if i don’t go to the theater every once in a while what kind of entitled new yorker would i be

 **and bUCKY:** you could invite the rest of us broke ass bitches

 **Stark™:** But i don’t want to

 **sbider:** i don’t want to hear about your sex life mr stark

 **Stark™:** It’s part of parenthood

 **Stark™:** If you can’t permanently scar your kids with the dirty shenanigans you get up to then you’re not being a good parent

 **sbider:** :/

 **platypus:** tony invites me to the theater every first sunday of the month

 **Stark™:** It’s a nice tradition

 **platypus:** if you say so

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_4:38pm_

**leg of legs:** tony stop leading on the poor boy

 **Stark™:** IT /IS/ A TRADITION WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 **Stark™:** ITS BEEN A TRADITION FOR ALMOST T W O  D E C A D E S

 **tathor thots:** Have there been any more traditions?

 **Stark™:** We have brunch overseas on the anniversary of us first meeting each other

 **Stark™:** And a trip to the maldives or fiji islands every 3 years

 **Stark™:** If at any time we’re both free we leave the country for either amsterdam or naples and maybe kyoto if we feel like it

 **and bUCKY:** youve been dating for most of your friendship no wonder rhodes is getting mixed signals

 **Stark™:** THERE ARE NO SIGNALS

 **Stark™:** BARELY EVEN A BAR BECAUSE THERE IS NO! RECEPTION! HERE!

 **sbider:** if only i had the money to do all those things with my partners

 **Stark™:** I gave you ten thousand dollars just a few minutes ago

 **sbider:** YOURE RIGHT HOLY SHIT

 **sbider:** but i’m thinking i should save it for college you know

 **Stark™:** Do you really think this will be the only time i give you money

 **Stark™:** And do you really think i’m not going to pay for your college

 **sbider:** MR STAKR SRSYL

 **sbider:** jusT BC I ACDENTAKYL CLALED YUO MY FATEHR THAT ONE TME DOENST MENA YOU HAV TO DO STUFF FOR ME

 **Stark™:** Do you really think all of this is out of obligation

 **sbider:** ummmm

 **Stark™:** Hey come on this me committing to our father son relationship

 **sbider:** i’m crying rn i hope youre happy

 **Stark™:** Shhhh save the tears for your undergrad thesis

 **bless the rains:** this chat is for discussing 3 grown men who have schoolkid crushes on you don’t fill it w/ this wholesome bullshit

 **sbider:** :/

\--

**the q team**

_4:48pm_

**sbider:** [eyesemojiscreenshot.jpg]

 **sbider:** oh yeah btw mr stark transferred 10k to my bank acct

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** down with the bourgeoisie

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i expect a nice dinner date sometime this week

 **sbider:** i’m already making reservations

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** good

 **guy ritchair:** he does all this lavish stuff for mr rhodes that’s so pure

 **sbider:** RIGHT

 **sbider:** the others don’t even stand a chance

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** but one of them is literally a king

 **sbider:** well to be fair if anyone should make the first move it should be him

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** hmm

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** should we start making bets

 **sbider:** that’s my dad’s love life we’re betting on :/

 **guy ritchair:** that’s not a no

 **sbider:** i think we should wait before we start making bets

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[cantwaittoseehowthisturnsout.gif](https://assets.rbl.ms/10622194/980x.gif)]

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_7:47pm_

**pidgeot:** wheres steve he hasnt been on all day

 **and bUCKY:** taking a ride on this dICK

 **pidgeot:** id believe you if i didnt already know you were qpps

 **and bUCKY:** fuck

 **pidgeot:** i miss my red white and blue dinner plate :(

 **ridley scott:** are you

 **ridley scott:** talking about his shield orrr

 **pidgeot:** no i was talking about his abs

 **ms keisha:** those abs are mine to eat off of you second rate bird bitch

 **pidgeot:** I WAS JOKING WHAT THE FUCK

 **sbider:** hi i’m about to have dinner with my partners and i don’t appreciate you people talking about things like this

 **bless the rains:** you never appreciate anyone talking about anything

 **sbider:** isn’t it almost 3 am where you are

 **bless the rains:** genius never sleeps binch [peace sign emoji x2]

 **Stark™:** rt

 **pidgeot:** no but seriously wheres steve

 **ms keisha:** he muted the chat because he actually wanted to get some shit done for the day

 **bless the rains:** what a snake where’s his american spirit

 **sbider:** you’re from wakanda

 **bless the rains:** you know what you can suck

 **bless the rains:** my whole dick

 **sbider:** :/

 **sbider:** well i have to go anyway or else mj’ll break up with me if i keep my phone at the table

 **bless the rains:** whipped

 **sbider:** at least i have a girlfriend [kissy face emoji]

 **bless the rains:** IF I STILL HAD POWER OVER THIS CHAT I WILL KICK YOU OUT

 **Not Cap:** I see Peter has taken after his dad.

 **pidgeot:** STEEEEEEEVE

 **pidgeot:** your boyfriend is bullying me

 **Not Cap:** Sam does that to everyone, Clint.

 **Not Cap:** OH MY GOD, BUCKY, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

 **and bUCKY:** lmaoooo

 **and bUCKY:** if we were dating you would totatlly do it you bottom bitch

 **ridley scott:** captain americas a bottom who knew

 **ms keisha:** im a switch scott

 **ridley scott:** i was talking about the old cap

 **Stark™:** Literally why are you acting brand new

 **Stark™:** Everybody knows this

 **Not Cap:** I don’t appreciate this slander.

\--

**the q team**

_9:52pm_

**sbider:** tell your mom thanks again for having us over ned [heart emoji x2]

 **guy ritchair:** sure!!

 **guy ritchair:** you guys get home okay?

 **sbider:** i just dropped mj off and im omw home

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you better not be texting while driving

 **sbider:** i’m at a 7 11

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** 10k dollars richer and still shopping at a convenience store tragic

 **sbider:** I WS THRSTY

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you’re always thirsty what’s new

 **guy ritchair:** i miss you guys already [sad face emoji]

 **sbider:** [purple heart emoji]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [black heart emoji]

 **guy ritchair:** [yellow heart emoji]

 **guy ritchair:** be safe on your patrol tonight peter!!

 **sbider:** i will!! i’ll update you guys tomorrow

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** if you see deadpool again tell him i’m a stan

 **sbider:** :/

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_11:36pm_

**Stark™:** Uhhhh

 **Stark™:** Did anyone leave this at the compound

 **Stark™:** [100lbsofvibranium.jpg]

 **Stark™:** @shuri ?

 **bless the rains:** nooo????

 **bless the rains:** also thanks for waking me up :/

 **Stark™:** Sorry but not really

 **Stark™:** Seriously though anyone??

 **leg of legs:** maybe you should ask t’challa

 **bless the rains:** he’s training with the dora

 **Stark™:** wait there’s a note

_11:45pm_

**bless the rains:** way to leave us hanging stark

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_11:46pm_

**Stark™:** SHURI WHAT THE FUCK

 **bless the rains:** I DIDNT DO ANYTHING

 **bless the rains:** AND ITS TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR CAPS LOCK

 **Stark™:** It’s 11 pm what

 **bless the rains:** i’m 7 hrs ahead did you forget

 **bless the rains:** but what what happened

 **Stark™:** [vibraniumnote.jpg]

 **bless the rains:** OH SHIT I DIDNT THINK HED HAVE THE GUTS

 **leg of legs:** ah young love

 **Stark™:** What do i do???????????

 **leg of legs:** well usually when someone receives a gift they thank the one who gave it to them

 **Stark™:** YEAH BUT HOW

 **leg of legs:** oh my god you poor child

\--

**IronPool [peach emoji x2]**

_12:31am_

**Captain Deadpool:** hey Stark i Think Its Fucked what u Made Black widow do To Me

 **Stark™:** I told you to stop typing like that

 **Captain Deadpool:** i Am A queer Edgelord

 **Captain Deadpool:** But srsly Why Would u do That To Me

 **Captain Deadpool:** i Only Ever Loved u

 **Stark™:** I needed you to stay away from my son

 **Captain Deadpool:** u could Have Just told Me so

 **Stark™:** Now where’s the fun in that baby boy

 **Captain Deadpool:** fuck Whyd You have to Go and flip The Script Like that

 **Captain Deadpool:** Thats My line

 **Captain Deadpool:** wait you Have a Son

 **Captain Deadpool:** Is he Illegitimate

 **Captain Deadpool:** Oh My god tony who Is he

 **Captain Deadpool:** im Showering Him with So Many Gifts

_12:39am_

**Captain Deadpool:** Dont Ignore me Wtf

 **Stark™:** I’d rather you don't give him gifts at all considering there’s a high chance they’d be severed human limbs

 **Captain Deadpool:** Shhhh Its Part of the Surprise

 **Captain Deadpool:** but That Cant be the Reason Why u Set black Widow On Me

 **Captain Deadpool:** of All the Kids U could have Why Care abt this One

 **Stark™:** He’s not actually my son but he might as well be with how often we joke abt it

 **Stark™:** Wait so

 **Stark™:** You don’t know who he is? like his identity and stuff?

 **Captain Deadpool:** Youre acting Like I should Know him

 **Captain Deadpool:** should I

 **Stark™:** I’ve been talking abt spiderman this whole time wilson i thought you knew

 **Captain Deadpool:** OH my GOD spiderman Is Your SON???????????????

 **Captain Deadpool:** I respect People’s Privacy it Hurts that You Think So little of Me :(((((((((((

 **Captain Deadpool:** i Thought We had a Connection :(((((((((((

 **Stark™:** Why does it have so many chins

 **Stark™:** I couldn’t be too sure

 **Captain Deadpool:** Hey I may Look Like I ate a Lot Of radioactive Testicles that they Devoured Me from The Inside out but I dont Really Act Like It

 **Stark™:** How to those people act like then????

 **Captain Deadpool:** Idk Like a Fuckboy maybe

 **Stark™:** So you walk the fuckboy walk but don’t talk the fuckboy talk got it

 **Captain Deadpool:** Exactly

 **Captain Deadpool:** Im glad the Author Of this Fic Put us both in A Chat

 **Captain Deadpool:** its About Time

 **Stark™:** There’s no fourth wall to break wade

 **Captain Deadpool:** Thats What u Think

_1:15am_

**Captain Deadpool:** Wait if uve Adopted Spiderman then I Prob should Tell U that i Flirted W/ Him that One time

 **Stark™:** WHAT THE FUCK WADE HE’S A MINOR

 **Captain Deadpool:** WHAT

 **Captain Deadpool:** OH MY GOD IM A CRADLEROBBER

 **Captain Deadpool:** THAT MUST BE WHY HE WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE

 **Captain Deadpool:** Well To be Fair I stopped When He Told Me he was Uncomfortable

 **Captain Deadpool:** BUT I SWEAR IF I KNEW HE WAS A MINOR I WOULDNT HAVE EVEN TRIED

_1:23am_

**Captain Deadpool:** Stark??

 **Captain Deadpool:** Staaaaaarrrk???

 **Captain Deadpool:** mr Staaaaaarkkk??

 **Captain Deadpool:** Mr rdj?????

 **Captain Deadpool:** Mr robert Downey Jr????????????

 **Captain Deadpool:** Robert???????

 **Captain Deadpool:** tony??

 **Captain Deadpool:** Umm

 **Captain Deadpool:** U Know ur Read receipts Are On right

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_1:25am_

**Stark™:** Nat you still awake

 **leg of legs:** yeah why

 **Stark™:** I have another job for you

 **leg of legs:** it’s deadpool isn’t it

 **Stark™:** I’ve already ordered and paid for your wishlisted skincare and makeup from sephora they’ll be here in two days

 **leg of legs:** always a pleasure working for you mr stark

 **Stark™:** Believe me ms rushmanoff the pleasure’s all mine

 **pidgeot:** rest in fucking pieces wade wilson

 **bless the rains:** [[nowsashayaway.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/RPdLHpiOnL2pO/giphy.gif)]

\--

**the q team**

_1:37am_

**sbider:** don’t you just love being lulled to sleep by the sound of deadpool’s distant screams

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** it’s my favorite lullaby

 **guy ritchair:** i can’t sleep without it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PART OF THE UPDATE  
> THE VOTE COUNT  
> -t'challa = 2  
> -rhodey = 6  
> -stephen = 1.5  
> -quill = 1.5  
> -thor = .5  
> -bucky = .5  
> -everyone = .5  
> i want to make a 4th of july chapter but i am Not American so i guess i'll have them mention it next chapter and that's it  
> also ned is filipino because jacob batalon is filipino and ya girl needs filipino representation in the mcu  
> ALSO DONT FORGET TO VOTE


	6. I Want To Know What Love Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **ms keisha:** look steve was abt to bounce on my dick this better be worth it
> 
>  **Not Cap:** WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP TELLING THEM THAT?!
> 
>  **sbider:** [clapping emoji] STOP [clapping emoji] THIS [clapping emoji]
> 
>  **and bUCKY:** oh my god you guys AGAIN
> 
>  **ms keisha:** steve is the thirstiest bottom can you blame me
> 
>  **ms keisha:** i bottom for you this is the only time i get to top
> 
>  **sbider:** IM LITERALLY GOING TO YEET MYSELF INTO THE HUDSON
> 
>  **Stark™:** Guys for the minor’s sake pls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT  
> -so like i made this chapter around 7k words (i rounded up) bc it's what you guys deserve after waiting so long  
> -ANYWAY in this au hilary clinton is the us president bc i said so  
> -time also works differently bc i'm a lazy piece of shit who doesn't fix plot holes  
> -this is the video peter was trying to recreate just take out the spaces: https:// www. instagram.com /p/ BVnsywyhkvb/  
> -also i told you guys i'm bad at writing descriptions and paragraphs  
> -AGAIN UNDERLINED PHRASES/WORDS IN BRACKETS ARE HYPERLINKS  
> -HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY

**the q team**

_7:21am_

**sbider:** look at my skin!!

 **sbider:** [holyshitporeshavedisappeared.jpg]

 **sbider:** my pores have disappeared what the fuck

 **sbider:** well technically they’re still there but still!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i told you lush would do you good

 **sbider:** How Lush Saved My Skin NOT CLICKBAIT!!!

 **guy ritchair:** it’s summer why are you guys up so early

 **guy ritchair:** also good morning my loves

 **sbider:**!! good morning!!!!!!!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** morning

 **guy ritchair:** your skin looks great peter

 **sbider:** RIGHT omg

 **sbider:** why have i never done this before

 **guy ritchair:** me too god all my breakouts from last week calmed down finally

 **sbider:** oh may’s calling me for breakfast

 **sbider:** talk to you guys later!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** he’s too energetic this early in the morning

 **guy ritchair:** it’s contagious i’m already up and making my bed

_8:24am_

**sbider:** may’s washing the dishes with bleach again :/

 **sbider:** this is how spiderman dies

 **sbider:** not from superheroing

 **sbider:** but from his aunt forgetting which bottle the actual dishwashing soap is in

 **sbider:** this is how i die

 **guy ritchair:** i thought you were over your emo phase??

 **sbider:** Emo Never Dies

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** but my chemical romance does

 **sbider:** [knife emoji]

 **sbider:** but srsly tho

 **sbider:** can one drop of bleach clean dishes

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** if you’re dedicated enough then probably

 **sbider:** she could be trying to kill me

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** p sure she’d be less subtle about it if she was

 **guy ritchair:** wash them again with regular dishwashing soap when she leaves for work

 **sbider:** good idea

_8:38am_

**sbider:** ahibvBJKBnAKOJKN SHE CAGHUT ME

 **sbider:** the second she left the door i went for the sink

 **sbider:** BUT THEN SEH CME BACK BC SHE FRGOT SMTHING

 **guy ritchair:** what did she do!!

 **sbider:** nothing she just stared at me in disapproval

 **sbider:** then left w/o getting what she came back for

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** but why didn’t you just wait until you were sure she was at work

 **sbider:** look i don’t need you people questiong my life choices

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** no you’re only dating us

 **sbider:** [[runningchicken.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/700728727919919106/zIGmXCk6.jpg)]

_9:25am_

**sbider:** okay now that i know may isn’t coming back from work until tonight

 **sbider:** i have to show you guys something

 **guy ritchair:**??

 **sbider:** open your skype

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** peter is a camboy #confirmed

 **sbider:** NO MJ WAHT THE FJUVK

 **guy ritchair:** okay wait a minute

\--

**Skype Call**

**Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones, Peter Parker**

_9:27am_

The screen flickers to life. NED is in his living room, sitting comfortably on the couch, curiosity evident in his posture. MICHELLE is on the balcony, chewing something and squinting at the screen. PETER’s bedroom is visible from his end of the call, but it’s empty.

 **Ned L.:** Peter? You’re not in the frame?

 **Michelle J.:** He’s getting ready to strip.

NED snorts and covers his mouth, hiding a smile and MICHELLE smirks as she reaches for a bag of chips in her lap. A verse of Carly Rae Jepsen’s Cut to the Feeling starts playing and NED laughs. MICHELLE raises an eyebrow as she raises a chip to her mouth.

 **Ned L.:** Oh my god, I know where this is going.

PETER appears on screen in the Spider-Man suit with a bisexual flag draped across his shoulders like a cape as well as what looks like several colored wigs on his masked head. He starts taking the wigs off one by one as the chorus plays, revealing different shades of pink, purple, and blue wigs. When he only has one left on his head, he pulls out a large fan from behind and opens it, showing off the same colors as the wigs. As the chorus nears to the end, PETER slowly pulls the last wig off his head, shaking it so the confetti hidden inside falls out. The music then stops and PETER laughs, loud and satisfied with his work.

 **Ned L.:** Peter! Oh my god!

 **Michelle J.:** You fucking gay loser.

MICHELLE is cackling and NED is in tears from laughing so hard. PETER takes off his mask, revealing a huge grin. He sits down at his desk, laying his chin on his hand.

 **Michelle J.:** Hey, Ned. You recorded that, right?

 **Ned L.:** Yeah, I can’t wait to show this to May.

PETER gasps, sputtering and nearly falling off his chair.

 **Peter P.:** What?! No! Don’t you dare!

 **Michelle J.:** How about the Avengers?

 **Peter P.:** How about no! That’s even worse!

Ned giggles then looks at his phone. He frowns a little and types something before looking back at his laptop screen.

 **Ned L.:** Hey guys, I gotta go. My mom’s asking me to help her with the groceries.

 **Peter P.:** Aww.

 **Ned L.:** I’ll talk to you guys later?

 **Michelle J.:** Not like we do anything else nowadays but sure.

 **Ned L.:** Bye! Love you!

 **Peter P.:** I love you, too!

 **Michelle J.:** Love you guys, too, I guess.

 **Peter P.:** MJ!

**END CALL**

**\--**

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_10:27am_

**Stark™:**  [[bleeckerstreetboysbrunch1.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BWmJSo7BSpt/)]

 **Stark™:**  [[bleeckerstreetboysbrunch2.jpg](http://www.instagram.com/p/Bi2gyfinxV9)]

 **Stark™:**  [[bleeckerstreetboysbrunch3.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BVnsywyhkvb/)]

 **Stark™:** Backstreet’s back alright

 **and bUCKY:** and you didnt invite any of us because??

 **Stark™:** I don’t like large crowds

 **and bUCKY:** right

 **jean valjean:** we just started if any of you want to rush over

 **platypus:** i’m already omw

 **Stark™:** I can’t wait to see you light of my life [heart eyes emoji]

 **tathor thots:** Hey, what about me

 **Stark™:** You’re my sun and stars there’s a diff

 **platypus:** there can only be one tony

 **Stark™:** There IS only one me

 **tathor thots:** THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE, TONY

 **Stark™:** Yeah, it’s wong

 **platypus:** :/

 **pidgeot:** yall fuck you im still in dc

 **leg of legs:** too bad

 **leg of legs:** im already on my way guys

 **sbider:** can i come? i mean i had breakfast a few hours ago but i love free food more so

 **Stark™:** Sure why not

 **sbider:** [blushing smiley face emoji]

 **ms keisha:** me and steve are still in dc :/

 **and bUCKY:** ill eat enough for you

 **ms keisha:** you already eat too much

 **and bUCKY:** says who

 **ms keisha:** the muscle difference between your metal and real arm

 **and bUCKY:** if you were here for me to yeet i will

 **Stark™:** Wait bucky, i thought you needed a chaperone At All Times

 **leg of legs:** i’m his unofficial chaperone when steve and/or sam are gone

 **Stark™:** Oh so that’s where you’ve been staying this whole time

 **Stark™:** I thought you just came and went as you pleased

 **ms keisha:** in some ways natasha is steves ass

 **sbider:** i am an innocent minor no more of this talk

 **and bUCKY:** lmao dont let him see that

 **ms keisha:** dw imBHK ASDOADSk nsdkad knnljsBK

 **and bUCKY:** he fucking dead

 **Pink Panther:** Are Shuri and I invited?

 **Stark™:** Who said you weren’t??

 **Stark™:** It’ll probably be over before you guys get here tho even with a quinjet and all

 **Pink Panther:** Hm, that’s true.

 **tathor thots:** King T’Challa! I don’t believe we’ve ever spoken to each other in this chat

 **Pink Panther:** I don’t think we have, your majesty. I do think I’ve told you before that you can call me by just my name?

 **tathor thots:** Well then, T’Challa, please call me by mine [smiley face emoji]

 **bless the rains:** i bet t’challa’s grinning like a little kid right now

 **bless the rains:** lmao i can hear him running to my lab

 **bless the rains:** oh shITAFVBAJ babsj jHKAbkbaknBA

 **sbider:** that’s so sad karen play africa by toto

_10:38am_

**bless the rains:** t’challa better step the fuck up before he gets smacked the fuck up

 **Pink Panther:** Don’t make me do it, Shuri.

 **bless the rains:** I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABT YOUR EMPTY THREATS

 **jean valjean:** soooo is anyone else coming?

 **ridley scott:** im in california [sad face emoji x4]

 **ridley scott:** and its like 7 am here

 **ms keisha:** so why are you awake

 **ridley scott:** cassie and i are going to the beach

 **bless the rains:** who’s cassie

 **ridley scott:** my daughter??

 **bless the rains:** stop being wholesome it’s not allowed

 **ridley scott:** :/

 **Pink Panther:** Stop it, Shuri, that’s rude.

 **bless the rains:** or what bitch

 **Pink Panther:** I’ll remove you.

 **bless the rains:** you’re not my babysitter!!!!!!!!!

 **Pink Panther:** No, I’m only your brother.

_Pink Panther has removed bless the rains from the chat_

**ridley scott:** im in love [heart eyes emoji x2]

 **Pink Panther:** Uhh… Thank you? I guess?

_eleven has added bless the rains to the chat_

**eleven:** hey shuri you missed a lot

 **pidgeot:** it was only 2 messages wyd

 **eleven:** a lot

 **bless the rains:** i am going to kill t’challa

 **Pink Panther:** That’s regicide. You would be tried for treason.

 **bless the rains:** don’t question my decisions

 **eleven:** ANYWAY

 **eleven:** _ridley scott: im in love [heart eyes emoji x2]_

 **eleven:** _Pink Panther: Uhh… Thank you? I guess?_

 **bless the rains:** surprisingly i ship it

 **bless the rains:** but unfortunately for you lang his heart already belongs to someone else [single tear emoji x2]

 **Pink Panther:** Don’t make me remove you a second time.

 **ridley scott:** im not in love like literally i mean im already dating someone

 **eleven:** [eyes emoji]

 **eleven:** who is it

 **pidgeot:** what the fuck what is it with you people and not telling me abt your significant others

 **eleven:** you just can’t be trusted

 **pidgeot:** excuse you

 **pidgeot:** who is it lang

 **ridley scott:**  my fbi agent

 **ridley scott:** the one who monitored me while i was under house arrest

 **bless the rains:** must be some love story

 **ms keisha:** wait you said you were single yesterday

 **ridley scott:** he asked me out to dinner that same day

 **ridley scott:** i mean he also asked me out when he took off my ankle monitor but i said no bc i thought hope and i were srs at the time

 **bless the rain:** that’s so sad alexa play despacito

 **ms keisha:** WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 **ms keisha:** I KEEP SEEING IT EVERYWHERE

 **bless the rains:** tf kind of gay are you why aren’t you updated on them Fresh Memes

 **Stark™:** Guys shut up we’re trying to eat here

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_11:46am_

**leg of legs:** strange kept making moon eyes at tony the Whole Time

 **sbider:** it’s true and mr rhodes was so annoyed when he noticed

 **Stark™:** Shut up you gys oh my god

 **Stark™:** NOTHING HAPPENED

 **and bUCKY:** we were there we know what we saw

 **and bUCKY:** its a miracle banner didnt notice

 **leg of legs:** he prob did he just didn’t want to say anything

 **tathor thots:** I wish I was there to witness it first hand

 **Stark™:** So why weren’t you

 **tathor thots:** Moon of my life :(

 **Stark™:** I’m kidding tf

 **bless the rains:** should’ve let me and t’challa go

 **bless the rains:** god all the drama we could’ve had

 **bless the rains:** gone because tony stark had to be logical

 **Stark™:** Hey [angry face emoji]

 **and bUCKY:** shes right tho

 **Stark™:** I should’ve let you choke on that cigarette when we were on the rooftop That One Time

 **and bUCKY:** [butyoudidnt.gif]

 **and bUCKY:** p sure you were the one who almost choked right after

 **ms keisha:** bitch excuse me

 **sbider:** uhhh

 **sbider:** is that innuendo orr

 **and bUCKY:** ALMOST CHOKED ON A CIGARETTE GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER

 **Not Cap:** YOU LET TONY SMOKE?!

 **and bUCKY:** ONLY LIKE ONE AND A HALF

 **leg of legs:** one and a half??

 **Not Cap:** HE HAS REDUCED LUNG CAPACITY, BUCKY!

 **and bUCKY:** I KNOW THAT

 **and bUCKY:** HE TOLD ME DURING THE FIRST ONE SO I TOLD HIM IT WAS THE ONLY HE COULD HAVE

 **and bUCKY:** IT WOULDVE BEEN RUDE IF I DIDNT OFFER AT LEAST /ONE/ OKAY

 **ms keisha:** oh so youre worried abt being rude now

 **and bUCKY:** only to people who arent you

 **Not Cap:** So, why was it one and a half?

 **Stark™:** Oh my god zack stop

 **bless the rains:** looks like the drama’s all here

 **tathor thots:** Shh don’t interrupt them

 **bless the rains:** i’ll allow that bc i love you

 **and bUCKY:** i didnt notice he snuck in a second one until he was halfway through so i grabbed it

 **and bUCKY:** it was why he almost choked

 **and bUCKY:** btw dont smoke kids

 **bless the rains:** i don’t dw

 **sbider:** does weed count because i definitely have never done that like ever i mean i never smoked grass

 **Stark™:** PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

 **sbider:** oh shit

 **sbider:**  [[disappearingpeacesign.jpg](https://memegenerator.net/img/images/16572181.jpg)]

_sbider has left the chat_

**bless the rains:** oh the drama

 **leg of legs:** it’s what all of us truly live for

_Stark™ has added sbider to the chat_

_Stark™ has changed restrictions on sbider_

**sbider:** this was a mistake

 **Stark™:** You will explain yourself young man

 **sbider:** okay it was a few times and always with my partners never in public and the joints weren’t even that big i promise and i never did my spider-man stuff whenever we did

 **Stark™:** Drugs Are Bad

 **leg of legs:** but

 **Stark™:** Shh natalie

 **leg of legs:** okay i’ll let it go for now

 **sbider:** i know mr stark i’m responsible with it i swear

 **Stark™:** You better be or i’m putting you in rehab

 **ms keisha:** thats a little extreme

 **Stark™:** I only know extremes

 **tathor thots:** Well, now that that is over

 **tathor thots:** Steve has been awfully quiet during all this “weed” talk

_Not Cap has left the chat_

**bless the rains:** oh my god captain america does weed

 **and bUCKY:** it’s why sam is captain america now

_leg of legs has added Not Cap to the chat_

**leg of legs:** step the fuck up kyle

 **Not Cap:** It was one time.

 **ms keisha:** its true he didnt even make it through the first hit

 **bless the rains:** disappointing

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_12:10pm_

**bless the rains:** #unexplainedtonystarkphotos

 **bless the rains:**  [[easterbunnyts.jpg](http://www.instagram.com/p/BhCmxPMDrjd)]

 **bless the rains:**  [[treehuggerts.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BgbjvZ_jlDs)]

 **bless the rains:**  [[mickeymousegasmaskts.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BgHSXU3jGaH/)]

 **bless the rains:**  [[pooppencilts.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BdvqrBNDKsN)]

 **bless the rains:**  [[donutloungets.jpg](http://www.instagram.com/p/BYn_Zp6ji0l)]

 **bless the rains:**  [[cloverpigsts.jpg](http://www.instagram.com/p/BRvuTkFDl9h)]

 **bless the rains:**  [[karatekidts.jpg](http://www.instagram.com/p/BEo1ZMHRUvG)]

 **bless the rains:**  [[tiggerts.jpg](http://www.instagram.com/p/9M4YzFRUpY)]

 **bless the rains:**  [[idontneedadegreetobeaclothinghangerts.jpg](http://www.instagram.com/p/1_hXNHRUrr)]

 **pidgeot:** WHA THE FCUK

 **pidgeot:** WHAT

 **pidgeot:** WHO TOOK THEES

 **pidgeot:** I WNNA KNO

 **Stark™:** what the FUCK exCUSE yOu

 **Stark™:** HOW DID YOU FIND THESE

 **eleven:** OH MY GOD

 **sbider:** that pic where he’s a clothing hanger is a mood

 **sbider:** I DON’T NEED A DEGREE TO BE A CLOTHING HANGER

 **ms keisha:** proof that tony stark is a furry

 **Stark™:** I’m not the one with the fucking animal as my superhero name FALCON what’s GOOD

_ms keisha has left the chat_

_and bUCKY has added ms keisha to the chat_

**and bUCKY:** @steve our boyfriend is a furry

 **ridley scott:** is it a furry if its a bird tho

 **and bUCKY:** semantics

 **ms keisha:** OH SHES EDUCATED

 **ms keisha:** SHE KNOWS BIG WORDS

 **ms keisha:** [red angry face emoji]

 **and bUCKY:** thats not the only thing thats big abt me babe

 **sbider:** sTOP THIS

 **bless the rains:** superheroes with animal names: do not interact

 **leg of legs:** this is insect and arachnid erasure

_bless the rains has removed Pink Panther, ridley scott, pidgeot, leg of legs, ms keisha, and sbider from the chat_

**and bUCKY:** IM CRYING SHURI WTF

 **eleven:** that’s so sad @vision play despacito

 **Vision:** [[despacito](https://open.spotify.com/track/7CUYHcu0RnbOnMz4RuN07w?si=0CfPMZcmTFydu-K49TbJRA)]

 **eleven:** HE ACTYUALYL DID IT WAHT THE FUKC

 **Not Cap:** BRING THEM BACK!

_Not Cap has added ms keisha, Pink Panther, sbider, leg of legs, pidgeot, and ridley scott to the chat_

**bless the rains:** excuse you

 **Pink Panther:** You dishonor our ancestors with your actions, Shuri.

 **bless the rains:** i can’t believe i’m mulan

 **sbider:**  [[dishonoronyouandyourcow.gif](https://media1.tenor.com/images/f0e92dd505455c8a2d5ce25af88a7e7a/tenor.gif?itemid=9285437)]

_sbider has changed restrictions on bless the rains_

**sbider:** your reign of terror is over

 **bless the rains:** fuck this if i were a hacker i would smoke all you bitches

 **sbider:** my boyfriend’s a hacker

 **bless the rains:** i’ll pay him to hack the chat for me

 **sbider:** he’s too wholesome for your bullshit he won’t do it

 **bless the rains:** that’s what you think

 **sbider:** you’re just jealous i have a significant other and you don’t [blowing kiss emoji x2]

 **bless the rains:** [[ifeelveryattacked.gif](https://i.imgur.com/hbmcJ10.mp4)]

 **Not Cap:** Hey, T’Challa, shouldn’t you defend Shuri?

 **Pink Panther:** No. It’s what she deserves.

 **bless the rains:** i’m putting itching powder in your suit don’t test me

_12:28pm_

**and bUCKY:** hey stark ive never seen that house from the pics

 **Stark™:** I have a place in the hamptons

 **bless the rains:** you bourgeoise bitch

 **and bUCKY:** youre an actual princess wyd

 **bless the rains:** i don’t need you telling me what i am white man

 **and bUCKY:** excuse yourself from this chat

 **bless the rains:** I WOULD IF PETER HADNT BETRAYED ME

 **sbider:** NO TIME FOR FASCISTS

 **Pink Panther:** did you just call us fascists

 **Pink Panther:** do not group us with the same piece of shit you americans almost elected as president

 **bless the rains:** oh he went there

 **sbider:** bA bssakbh NN IM SORRY IT WSA A JKE BUT I WETN TOOO FAER

 **Stark™:** This is on me i haven’t properly taught him about politics

 **Pink Panther:** Then it shall be corrected soon, I presume?

 **Stark™:** Absolutely

 **Pink Panther:** I trust you.

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_12:18pm_

**platypus:** STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE

 **Pink Panther:** No, go away.

 **stranger things:** I regret that none of us can leave this chat.

 **platypus:** you’re the one who made it

 **stranger things:** Doesn’t make me regret it any less.

 **Captain Deadpool:** I Still Dont know why Im here

 **Captain Deadpool:** Me And tony Hooked Up That one time

 **Captain Deadpool:** There Are No leftover Feelings

 **Captain Deadpool:** If there Were Even Any

 **platypus:** youre the only one we trust enough to not leak this chat to anyone

 **Captain Deadpool:** Im Really Flattered that You trust me

 **stranger things:** It’s a very fragile trust.

 **Captain Deadpool:** Im Still Flattered

 **Pink Panther:** Please stop typing like that. It hurts my eyes.

 **Captain Deadpool:** Be Patient mr Boseman

 **Captain Deadpool:** The Author will get Tired Of It Soon enough

 **platypus:** i’m tired of you not making any sense

 **Pink Panther:** I hate this place and I hate the name.

 **Captain Deadpool:** Look You Guys chose Me to Supervise The Chat

 **Captain Deadpool:** Against My will

 **Captain Deadpool:** Its only Fair That I get to Choose The Chat name

 **stranger things:** Please stop.

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_12:20pm_

**sbider:** okay i know what i said was shitty but did any of you else see THAT

 **bless the rains:** almost makes me feel less attacked

 **bless the rains:** almost

 **sbider:** HAKFdabddhN M I RLY AM SORRY

 **bless the rains:** relax tf i believe you

 **Stark™:** I’m not mad i’m just disappointed

 **sbider:** yeah but look at it this way

 **sbider:** he said he truuuuuuusts you

 **and bUCKY:** lmao he’s blushing so hard

 **bless the rains:** oh you guys are still at brunch??

 **leg of legs:** no we finished a little while ago barnes and i are at the compound with the others

 **and bUCKY:** rhodey’s also like glaring at his phone and typing really hard

 **bless the rains:** but there’s no new messages in the main chat

 **sbider:** he could be messaging your brother

 **sbider:** telling him to like back off or something

 **bless the rains:** we can only hope

 **leg of legs:** speaking of hope

 **leg of legs:** @tony i haven’t seen pepper around lately

 **Stark™:** She’s in california w/ hope

 **Stark™:** But she’s leaving for ny next week for our anniversary

 **sbider:** omg that’s adorable

 **Stark™:** I’m not adorable

 **leg of legs:** you were blushing literally less than 2 mins ago you’re adorable

 **Stark™:**  jadabddka SHUT UP

 **and bUCKY:** awwwww

 **tathor thots:** So, does that mean if Tony enters a relationship with another person, we would have to stop our interactions?

 **tathor thots:** [sad face emoji]

 **Stark™:** They either have to deal with it or they won’t be getting any of this

 **Stark™:** You are after all my sun and stars

 **tathor thots:** Moon of my life :’)

 **bless the rains:** this is so fucking gay

 **sbider:** says the lesbian

 **bless the rains:** [[dontbefuckingrude.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/91sW2yLJRHcE8/giphy.gif)]

 **ms keisha:** look steve is trying to ride my dick here rn can yall like maybe shut the fuck up

 **Not Cap:** SAM! WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT!

 **sbider:** EW GROSS NONE OF THAT IN MY LOBBY

 **bless the rains:** you weak bitch

 **and bUCKY:** your ass is mine when you come back wilson

 **ms keisha:** youll have to catch it first [blowing kiss emoji x2]

 **Stark™:** there is one (1) minor in this chat stop this

 **sbider:** YES THANK YOU MR STARK

\--

**the q team**

_2:14pm_

**sbider:** okay so since i have ten thousand dollars

 **sbider:** and it’s like a week or so until patd’s nyc show

 **sbider:** do you gys want to go with me

 **guy ritchair:** YEAH DUH

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** I NEED MY PAN REPRESENTATION

 **sbider:** woah that was fast

 **guy ritchair:** AND HAYLEY KIYOKO IS OPENING FOR THEM

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** LESBIAN JESUS

 **sbider:** HOLY SHIT WERE RLY GONNA DO THIS

 **sbider:** IM SO EXCITED WTF

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** wait are you okay w/ spending your money tho

 **sbider:** i gotta ask mr stark first fck

 **guy ritchair:** i’m sure he’ll say yes

\--

**spiders better step the fuck up**

_2:16pm_

**sbider:** hey mr star

 **Stark™:** Yes i am in fact a star

 **sbider:** YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN but yeah

 **sbider:** soooooooo,,,,,,,,

 **sbider:** can i like,,,,,,,

 **sbider:** use the money you gave me to pay for concert tickets????????

 **Stark™:** Why are you asking me

 **Stark™:** It’s your money??

 **sbider:** yeah but you gave it to me

 **Stark™:** Which means it’s yours why is this confusing to you

 **sbider:** OH MY GOD REALLY??????

 **sbider:** SO LIKE I CAN USE IT FOR ANYTHING??????????????????

 **Stark™:** Chill with the question marks kid

 **Stark™:** But yeah it’s yours after all

 **sbider:** OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU THNK YOU

 **Stark™:** *Maui voice* you're welcome

 **sbider:** well in some ways you kinda are maui

 **Stark™:** Are you calling me fat

 **sbider:** WHAT NO

 **sbider:** drax has the same physique as maui

 **sbider:** would you call drax fat???????

 **Stark™:** Shit you right

\--

**the q team**

_2:19pm_

**sbider:** HE SAID YES

 **guy ritchair:** THAT’S SOME GOOD SHIT

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE

 **sbider:** literally stop with the ancient memes or i take it all back

 **guy ritchair:** yeah i cringed the second i sent it

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[good shit meme](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/39bwkl/good_shit_go%E0%B1%A6%D4%81_shit_thats_some_goodshit_rightthere/)]

 **sbider:** zack stop

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง THE UNSEEN DONGER IS THE DEADLIEST (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง

 **sbider:** OH MY GOD ZACK STOP

 **sbider:** i swear i’m gonna remove you

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:**  no you won’t

 **sbider:**  fuck

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:**  [[i dont have a sugar daddy](https://www.reddit.com/r/rupaulsdragrace/comments/4wkiqa/drag_race_emoji_paragraphs/d7mc38p)]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[you're perfect you're beautiful you look like linda evangelista](https://www.reddit.com/r/emojipasta/comments/6iz3ay/youre_perfect_youre_beautiful_you_look_like_linda/)]

 **guy ritchair:** the drag race memes are fine

 **sbider:**  [[backrolls.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/tG2PPAXybVbe8/giphy.gif)]

 **guy ritchair:**  [[imnotjokingbitch.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/y7ReRvodmF1gA/giphy.gif)]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[roxxxy read u wrote u verse](https://www.reddit.com/r/emojipasta/comments/68isro/im_roxxxy_andrews_and_im_here_to_make_it_clear/)]

 **sbider:** [[the same parts](https://www.reddit.com/r/rupaulsdragrace/comments/5ecpsh/this_piece_is_entitled_the_same_parts/)]

 **guy ritchair:**  [[kennedy's death becomes her explanation](https://www.reddit.com/r/rupaulsdragrace/comments/4wkiqa/drag_race_emoji_paragraphs/d67strj)]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[laganja's stand up routine](https://www.reddit.com/r/rupaulsdragrace/comments/4wkiqa/drag_race_emoji_paragraphs/d68ks6n)]

 **sbider:** okay if we’re just gonna send each other drag race memes then we should just binge it

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i’m down

 **guy ritchair:** whose place??

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** my parents aren’t home

 **sbider:** i see that ancient meme you think you’re slick enough to sneak in

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** fuck

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** it’s true tho

 **guy ritchair:** so meet at mj’s place in 30 mins?

 **sbider:** okay

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** see you dorks

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_3:52pm_

**bless the rains:** okay so t’challa left his phone in my lab time to do some digging

 **Not Cap:** Isn’t that an invasion of privacy?

 **bless the rains:** does it look like i care

 **Not Cap:** Fair enough.

 **bless the rains:** gv wibba bojBd HAOB kdasbkj K

 **sbider:** what holy shit what is it

 **sbider:** it better be good i paused all stars 3 for this

 **sbider:** shuri my partners are gonna kill me if i pause it for long just say it

 **leg of legs:** shuri you just can’t leave after that we need to know

 **and bUCKY:** t’challa couldve caught her

 **Stark™:** rip in pieces

 **bless the rains:** NO HOLY SHIT

 **ms keisha:** look steve was abt to bounce on my dick this better be worth it

 **Not Cap:** WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP TELLING THEM THAT?!

 **sbider:** [clapping emoji] STOP [clapping emoji] THIS [clapping emoji]

 **and bUCKY:** oh my god you guys AGAIN

 **ms keisha:** steve is the thirstiest bottom can you blame me

 **ms keisha:** i bottom for you this is the only time i get to top

 **sbider:** IM LITERALLY GOING TO YEET MYSELF INTO THE HUDSON

 **Stark™:** Guys for the minor’s sake pls

 **tathor thots:** STOP IT AREADY, I’M VERY CURIOUS NOW

 **ms keisha:** only for you thor [blowing kiss emoji]

 **bless the rains:** GUYS SHUT UP

 **bless the rains:** [iwanttoknowwhatloveischat.jpg]

 **leg of legs:** THEY HAVE DEADPOOL AS THE SUPERVISOR IM CRYING

 **sbider:** LMAO ARE THEY LIKE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

 **sbider:** THEY HAVE A GROUP CHAT TO DISCUSS THEIR CRUSH IM YODELING

 **and bUCKY:** TONY IS BLUSHING SO HARD

 **tathor thots:** I’m gonna ask to be in the chat

 **Stark™:** WHAT THOR NO

 **tathor thots:** IT’S A CHAT FOR PEOPLE WHO DISCUSS THEIR LOVE FOR YOU!

 **Stark™:** Aw you love me??

 **tathor thots:** I call you the moon of my life all the time, of course I do

 **Stark™:** My sun and stars [heart eyes emoji]

 **ms keisha:** get that gay shit out of here

 **Not Cap:** You should leave the chat then, since you have two boyfriends.

 **ms keisha:** WELL YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN KISS MY DICK GOODBYE

 **Not Cap:** SAM, NO!

 **and bUCKY:** this loyal hoe wont leave your ass sam

 **ms keisha:** id rather you did

 **and bUCKY:** WHAT KIND OF FUCKING DOUBLE STANDARD

 **sbider:** i’m tired of this i’m gonna unpause drag race now so y’all can yell about your sex lives all you want i don’T CARE ANYMORE

 **sbider:** IM LEAVING

 **sbider:** fuck i can’t leave

 **bless the rains:** that is the saddest string of messages ever

 **Stark™:** I’ll remove you i can add you back in when they’re done

 **sbider:** thanks mr stark

_Stark™ has removed sbider from the chat_

**Stark™:** Look what you horny assholes did [red angry face emoji x2]

 **and bUCKY:** youre the one who removed him

 **Stark™:** BECAUSE HE WAS SUFFERING

 **ms keisha:** thats fucked up man

 **ms keisha:** what we cant talk abt our relationships now

 **leg of legs:** not when it’s nsfw with a minor in the chat

 **tathor thots:** I have no relationship to talk about because I am tragically single

 **bless the rains:** so stark is just chopped liver then

 **Stark™:** My sun and stars [sad face emoji]

 **tathor thots:** Do you

 **tathor thots:** Want to have a relationship??

 **tathor thots:** I’m confused

 **Stark™:** Okay so can we like be qpps like bucky and steve??

 **tathor thots:** I WOULD LOVE THAT MOON OF MY LIFE

 **Stark™:** BABE

 **bless the rains:** that’s fine

 **bless the rains:**  [[imakelonelinessworkforme.gif](https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sites/sbs.com.au.topics/files/styles/body_image/public/tumblr_ougv86gwdu1vbdnkbo1_500.gif?itok=EiU5OW3M&mtime=1515799166)]

 **leg of legs:** you’ll find a gf soon shuri dw

 **bless the rains:** i fucking better

 **tathor thots:** Why are Steve and Sam silent

 **ms keisha:** hes giving me the succ as an apology

 **and bUCKY:** so why are you sending shit

 **ms keisha:** its a Power Move

 **Stark™:** Okay you know what Fucking Stop

 **Stark™:** I’m adding peter back

_Stark™ has added sbider to the chat_

**sbider:** what sfw content did i miss

 **Stark™:** Thor and i are qpps now

 **sbider:** CONGRATS OMG

 **sbider:** THAT’S SO PURE

 **and bUCKY:** get back to the main chat rhodey’s getting suspicious

 **bless the rains:** yeah and i think t’challa’s on his way to get his phone

 **sbider:** oh shit

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_4:38pm_

**ms keisha:** so did i ever tell any of you abt the time steve cried after our first time together bc i made him top

**\--**

**[eyes emoji]**

_4:38pm_

**Stark™:** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WILSON

 **sbider:** YOU KNOW WHAT IM TURNING OFF MY NOTIFS GOOD FUCKING BYE

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_4:38pm_

**pidgeot:** NO HOLY SHIT??????

 **stranger things:** I’m strangely curious.

 **eleven:** lmao you mean Strangely curious

 **stranger things:** Yes, I am Strangely curious.

 **Not Cap:** YOU KNOW WHAT, SAM?

 **Not Cap:** I DON’T NEED THIS EXPOSURE!

 **Stark™:** No but you deserve it

 **Not Cap:** Okay.

 **bless the rains:**  [[youhaveappealedtomycuriousnature.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/3e857775d24ac8d0e25d1efaada56645/tumblr_inline_p2l675F1k51qc7ied_540.jpg)]

 **platypus:** oh my god i can’t wait to see this

 **Pink Panther:** This is not something I want to know.

_leg of legs has changed restrictions on Pink Panther_

**Pink Panther:** EXCUSE YOU

 **Pink Panther:** LET ME LEAVE

 **Pink Panther:** LET ME /LIVE/

 **bless the rains:** we’re not setting you free until this is over

 **ms keisha:** okay so steve has a huge dick

 **ridley scott:** im having lunch with my daughter please dont

 **and bUCKY:** then fucking mute the chat you prude

 **ridley scott:** WELL I JUST FUCKING MIGHT

 **ms keisha:** he has like 9 inches with an alright girth

 **Stark™:** I can vouch for that

 **ms keisha:** yes thank you stark but i didnt need your butting in

 **Stark™:** I will put glitter in your wings

 **ms keisha:** anyway im not too bad myself

 **and bUCKY:** me and steve can vouch for that he has 8 inches and its like real thick

 **Not Cap:** I’d rather not.

 **ms keisha:** STOP INTERRUPTING ME

 **ms keisha:** so we get naked and i see his dick and i was like yeah i want that in me im a proud switch

 **ms keisha:** i tell him i want to bottom and he seemed alright with that

 **ms keisha:** we do the do i ride him we fall asleep

 **stranger things:** The pinnacle of romance.

 **ms keisha:** shut up

 **ms keisha:** theni wake up to him and bucky talking over the phone and steve was crying

 **ms keisha:** so i was like shit did i do something wrong

 **ms keisha:** bucky continue

 **and bUCKY:** oh so NOW you want me to talk

 **Not Cap:** I’m only letting you guys do this because of Tony.

 **Not Cap:** And also, looking back, it was a little funny.

 **eleven:** JUST CONTINUE I’M ALREADY INVESTED

 **and bUCKY:** FUCK FINE

 **and bUCKY:** so steve calls me and hes crying and i was like holy shit ill have to break up with sam he probably huRT STEVE

 **ms keisha:** excuse you

 **and bUCKY:** but steve just says “he made me top” and hes fucking sobbing

 **bless the rains:** oh my god

 **and bUCKY:** and i was like what and steve says “sam made me top after all the effort i went through to get myself clean i douched and shaved and everything” AND HE WAS STILL CRYING

 **Stark™:** MY TITS ARE SHAKING IM LAUGHING SO HARD

 **ms keisha:** i was awake for that part and i honestly didnt know if i should laugh or comfort him so i kept pretending to sleep

 **Not Cap:** Wow, thanks.

 **ms keisha:** anyway that was the whole story thanks for coming to our ted talk

 **jean valjean:** wtf did i just read

 **jean valjean:** i think i’m dissociating

 **jean valjean:** or maybe having a stroke

 **jean valjean:** or an aneurysm

 **jean valjean:** holy shit who am i

 **Stark™:** jean valjean

 **Stark™:** It’s like literally your username

 **jean valjean:** can someone remove me from this chat please set me free

 **bless the rains:** no suffer with us banner

 **jean valjean:** fuck

 **tathor thots:** I think I’m dead

 **tathor thots:** This whole story felt like a fever dream

 **Not Cap:** HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL, THOR?!

 **eleven:** rip to the bottomest bitch to ever bottom

 **eleven:** he was even more of a bottom than tony stark

 **platypus:** it’s true

 **platypus:** when steve and tony were still together tony kept complaining abt steve wanting to bottom All The Time

 **Stark™:** He has a nice dick don’t judge me

 **Stark™:** I mean yeah i’m a switch but i’m a BOTTOM LEANING switch i can only top so many times

 **pidgeot:** thats so sad alexa play despacito

 **leg of legs:** what’s bucky’s dick size

 **and bUCKY:** uhhhhhh

 **and bUCKY:** what why would you ask that

 **Stark™:** We already know sam’s and steve’s what’s yours

 **and bUCKY:** Well you can find out for yourself doll

 **Pink Panther:** I will rip your other arm off.

 **stranger things:** bitch if you dont stop

 **platypus:** BARNES WHAT THE FUCK

 **and bUCKY:** I KNEW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN BUT I STILL DID IT ANYWAY IM CRYING

 **and bUCKY:** IM SORRY I REGRET EVERYTHING

 **bless the rains:** fuck this i’m going to sleep

 **and bUCKY:** SHURI HELP ME

 **bless the rains:** you’re on your own bye

 **ms keisha:** HES 7 INCHES AND SO THICK THAT I CANT FIT HIS DICK IN MY MOUTH OKAY

 **eleven:** SKBIHAVD VKdnnsak m IM LTREALLIEY DIYNBFG

 **ms keisha:** tbh yall might as well call me moby dick bc buckys dick is my white whale

 **tathor thots:** WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING

 **and bUCKY:** the only time you ever compliment me and you compliment my dick

 **ms keisha:** your dicks the only thing worth complimenting about you

 **sbider:** WHTA RTHE FUKC GUYSASBH

 **sbider:** I TURN MY NOTIFS ON AND THIS IS THE FIRST THING I SEE

 **sbider:** THIS CHAT WAS A MISTAKE

\--

**the q team**

_7:01pm_

**down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you guys get home okay

 **guy ritchair:** yup!!

 **sbider:** yeah i’m okay

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** good

 **sbider:** maybe tomorrow we can go to coney island??

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** why

 **sbider:** BC I WANT TO HOLD HANDS WITH YOU GUYS AND FEED YOU COTTON CANDY AND WIN YOU RIGGED GAME PRIZES OKAY

 **guy ritchair:** soft [B]eter!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** so soft

 **sbider:** please stop this

 **sbider:** so are we going or not

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** oh we’re def going

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_7:48pm_

**tathor thots:** whoever just privately message me is going to get fried by lightning i was sleeping

 **tathor thots:** OH

 **tathor thots:** It’s the guardians! They’re arriving on earth tomorrow!

 **Stark™:** Tomorrow from your time zone or tomorrow from our time zone

 **tathor thots:** I’m not sure they weren’t very specific

 **sbider:** omg space indiana jones

 **sbider:** wait fuck i’m going on a date with my partners tomorrow

 **tathor thots:** They said they’ll spend a few days in Asgard before leaving for New York

 **tathor thots:** You can see them after

 **Stark™:** Oh god i’m actually dreading this

 **stranger things:** They were nice. After we fixed the Thanos Incident.

 **Stark™:** Yeah well the only one i’m looking forward to seeing is nebula

 **Stark™:** She’s like an angrier natasha

 **leg of legs:** i did always like her

 **leg of legs:** she’s great

 **pidgeot:** you can finally get a girlfriend!!

 **pidgeot:** FUCKING SUPERB YOU FUNKY LITTLE LESBIAN

 **leg of legs:** OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT

 **leg of legs:** i’m asking her out the second she sets foot in new york

 **and bUCKY:** maybe wait until she gets used to the environment

 **leg of legs:** I Could Show Her The World

 **eleven:** how tho you’re like broke

 **leg of legs:** I Could Show Her My Driveway

 **Stark™:** She has a a stash of money hidden somewhere in the compound don’t let her fool you

 **leg of legs:** fuck how’d you know about that

 **Stark™:** Friday shows me things

 **Stark™:** Things i can never unsee

 **Stark™:** Like the time clint was twerking naked to girls just wanna have fun

 **pidgeot:** WHAT THE FUCK YOU SAW THAT

 **sbider:** oh my god

 **Stark™:** I WAS UPDATING THE SECURITY MEASURES AND I SAW YOU ON ONE OF THE CAMERAS

 **pidgeot:** thats an invasion of privacy

 **Stark™:** You were at the gym and we all agreed the gym was a public space you fucking exhibitionist

 **pidgeot:** I THOUGHT THE CAMERAS WOULDNT SEE ME IN THAT ONE SPOT

 **jean valjean:** for a superspy, you’re really bad at this sort of stuff

 **pidgeot:** fucking bite me bruce

 **jean valjean:** what if you turn radioactive

 **jean valjean:** holy shit

 **jean valjean:** if i bite people, can i turn them radioactive

 **jean valjean:** will they be able to turn into their own hulk

 **jean valjean:** am i like a radioactive version of a zombie

 **jean valjean:** why have i never thought about this before

 **Stark™:** Uh are you okay

 **jean valjean:** is anyone

 **stranger things:** Yeah, I think I have to bring him some sleepy time tea before he starts biting people.

 **Stark™:** That’s probably a good idea yeah

 **jean valjean:** it’s only 7, don’t do this to me, Stephen

 **eleven:** just go to sleep old man

 **jean valjean:** excuse me, if anyone’s old, it’s the supersoldiers

 **jean valjean:** they’re senior citizens

 **and bUCKY:** where the fuck is my senior citizen id

 **and bUCKY:** you mean all this time i could have had discounts on shit and i never knew

 **and bUCKY:** all that money wasted

 **and bUCKY:** do they want my arm too

 **Not Cap:** How about don’t give them the arm.

 **Stark™:** Yeah it’s like made out of vibranium

 **Stark™:** It probably costs more than a top of the line mclaren

 **sbider:** woah seriously

 **and bUCKY:** i have all this money this whole time

 **and bUCKY:** what if i sell it

 **Pink Panther:** What if you don’t.

 **sbider:** isn’t it 2 am in wakanda rn??

 **Pink Panther:** The buzzing from my phone woke me up.

 **Stark™:** Mute the chat and go to sleep

 **Stark™:** You’re a king you need it

 **Pink Panther:** Hmm, yes, I just might.

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_8:01pm_

**platypus:**  [[stopfuckinlyin.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/xkc4X5qZnoXoQ/giphy.gif)]

 **platypus:** you were awake all this time so you can get tony to talk to you

 **Pink Panther:** You cannot prove anything.

 **platypus:** your read receipts are on

 **Pink Panther:** fuck

 **Pink Panther:** What about you? You haven’t sent anything to the main chat.

 **platypus:** bc i’m not as thirsty as you guys

 **stranger things:** Don’t call me thirsty.

 **platypus:** wong showed me your private chat

 **stranger things:** I don’t know her.

 **Captain Deadpool:** Do Any Of you Know Spidermans contact

 **platypus:** literally will you ever learn to stay away from him

 **Captain Deadpool:** HES MY FAVORITE SUPERHERO OKAY

 **stranger things:** Didn’t Romanoff do Unspeakable Things to you so you would stay away.

 **Captain Deadpool:** Hey Ive Changed

 **Captain Deadpool:** Im Just Gonna ask If Hes patrolling Tonight

 **platypus:** tony’s gonna kill me for this

_platypus has sent contact details for sbider to the chat_

**platypus:** don’t make me regret this Wilson

 **Captain Deadpool:** I Am A responsible Adult

 **Pink Panther:** Sure.

\--

**New Chat**

_10:01pm_

**Captain Deadpool:** So Are you Patrolling tonight

 **sbider:** holy shit deadpool??

 **sbider:** fuck how’d you get my contact

 **sbider:** does this mean yuo knwo my idebtiry

 **sbider:** shit i thnjk im hvibg a panid atyacj

 **Captain Deadpool:** Woah Hey calm Down I Have no Idea Who You are outside Spiderman

 **Captain Deadpool:** You Value Your privacy im Not gonna Be A Douchebag and Violate that

 **sbider:** oh thank god

 **sbider:** wait why do you type like that

 **Captain Deadpool:** Im Edgy

 **sbider:** sure

 **sbider:** btw to answer your question i’m going out on patrol in an hour then i’ll be done by 1 probably

 **Captain Deadpool:** Okay

 **sbider:** why do you wanna know anyway

 **Captain Deadpool:** Bc Youre my Favorite And i wanna Patrol With you

 **sbider:** thanks i guess

 **sbider:** umm meet me at the rooftop of that rundown building near the briarwood station??

 **Captain Deadpool:** OH MY GOD REALLY

 **Captain Deadpool:** IM SO EXCITED YOURE LITERALLY MY HERO

 **sbider:** mr stark is going to kill me

 **Captain Deadpool:** Oh Yeah Sorry abt Flirting with you

 **sbider:** nah it’s fine

 **sbider:** it’s just i’m a minor and it’s a little uncomfortable

 **sbider:** but you didn’t know so

 **Captain Deadpool:** Still I should’ve Asked

 **Captain Deadpool:** I Feel Like a Creep

 **Captain Deadpool:** Me and My Bf killed A Bunch of Pedophiles on Our First Date

 **sbider:** congratulations but first rule of patrolling together is that you don’t kill anyone

 **Captain Deadpool:** Thats Gonna Be hard but Fair Enough

 **Captain Deadpool:** What Are the Other rules

 **sbider:** that’s the only rule

 **Captain Deadpool:** Fuck Fine

 **Captain Deadpool:** okay i think the authors tired of making me type like an edgelord

 **Captain Deadpool:** so im gonna type like this from now on

 **sbider:**????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK i posted this twice because the copypastas weren't showing and i HATE IT WTF AO3 I DON'T HAVE THE TIME OR PATIENCE TO CODE  
> okay so time for the vote count for tony's LI  
> \- rhodey = 14  
> \- stephen = 5.5  
> \- t'challa = 2  
> \- everyone = 3  
> \- quill = 2.5  
> \- thor = 1.5  
> \- bucky = .5  
> \- deadpool = 1  
> I REPEAT you guys can vote for anyone else not on this list and that if you vote for more than one person i'll give half a vote for each


	7. the good lord would want it that way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **bless the rains:** oh shit think fast
> 
>  **bless the rains:** uhhh
> 
>  **bless the rains:** FUCK ME IN THE ASS CAUSE I LOVE JESUS
> 
>  **sbider:**!!
> 
>  **sbider:** THE GOOD LORD WOULD WANT IT THAT WAY
> 
>  **eleven:** GIVE ME THAT SWEET SENSATION OF A THROBBING RATIONALIZATION
> 
>  **Not Cap:** WHAT
> 
>  **Stark™:** W H A T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8K WORDS WTF  
> -the guardians are here!!  
> -btw i'll now be updating 2-3x a month so i have more time to think of ideas  
> -and that's it basically  
> ENJOY

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_4:20am_

**and bUCKY:** blaze it

 **Stark™:** It’s 4 in the morning bucky what the fuck

 **and bUCKY:** But youre awake

 **Stark™:** I’m on a work binge and i can’t afford to be distracted by your addiction to doing grass

 **and bUCKY:** :/

 **and bUCKY:** it helps with my bad back :/

 **Stark™:** You don’t have a bad back wyd

 **bless the rains:** i’m also on a work binge so can you guys please shut up

 **Stark™:** Barnes started it

 **and bUCKY:** FINE GOD ILL GO AWAY

 **and bUCKY:** wait before i go do you guys know if my arm is supposed to do this

 **and bUCKY:**  [metalhandmiddlefinger.jpg]

 **bless the rains:** GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP OLD MAN

 **Stark™:** the fucking audacity

 **sbider:** pls sleep im goin gon a dte w/ my pratners in 5hrs n ur keeping me up w/ the bzzng i nd enegry

 **Stark™:** Shit sorry

 **bless the rains:** double standards

 **Stark™:** It’s 11 am where you are so not really

_7:13am_

**Stark™:** Since most of you are probably awake now

 **Stark™:** Mamma mia 2 viewing tomorrow 9pm est ipic theater south street seaport

 **Stark™:** I rented out the whole theater 2 months ago for this viewing i also checked your schedules so i know all of you are free tomorrow which is why i won’t accept any flakers

 **sbider:** OH MY GOD CAN I BRING MY PARTNERS

 **Stark™:** Everyone in this gc can bring anyone

 **Stark™:** If the guardians are on earth by that time they can come too

 **Stark™:** Max 2 people tho bc i don’t think we’ll all fit in one cinema if there’s more

 **Stark™:** HOWEVER plus 2s can be transferrable

 **sbider:** i’m so excited omg

 **bless the rains:** what abt the rest of us who live in different fucking time zones

 **Stark™:** I thought i was clear when i said EVERYONE in this chat

 **bless the rains:** good bc im already dragging t’challa to the quinjet

 **bless the rains:** expect us there in 1 1/2 hours

 **sbider:** i’d be excited to see you again but i’d already be on my date when you get here

 **bless the rains:** stop reminding me just how single i am asshole

 **eleven:** hey do i have to fly on vision’s back or are we getting a quinjet

 **Stark™:** How abt you head to new asgard and go with thor

 **eleven:** yes binch

 **tathor thots:** OH

 **tathor thots:** I’M BRING VAL WITH ME BUT CAN WE BRING LOKI TOO?

 **Stark™:** Thor we’ve talked abt this you bring loki here and im never speaking to you again

 **tathor thots:** Moon of my life, you don’t mean that [sad face emoji]

 **Stark™:** I could if i wanted to BUT FINE

 **Stark™:** Slightest incident and i’m kicking him all the way too antarctica

 **Stark™:** He’ll feel right at home

 **tathor thots:** HE WON’T LET YOU DOWN, I PROMISE

 **tathor thots:** Oh, the Guardians are arriving in 8 hours give or take

 **tathor thots:** As soon as they arrive we’ll get ready to head to new york then we’ll leave soon after the movie tomorrow

 **leg of legs:** NOOOO

 **leg of legs:** CAN NEBULA STAY

 **tathor thots:** You could ask? But that’s up to her

 **leg of legs:** cranking up the gay so i have a better chance

 **tathor thots:** I respect that but I thought you liked Val

 **leg of legs:** polyamory’s a thing??

 **tathor thots:** Hmm

 **ridley scott:** thx for wking me at 4am bt yes i will be going

 **ridley scott:** cn i take my duaghter and my bf

 **Stark™:** Children make everything better i guess

 **ridley scott:** rad

 **Stark™:** Yeah im gonna ignore that

**\--**

**the q team**

_7:32am_

**sbider:** RISE AND SHINE MY LOVES

 **sbider:** WE’RE LEAVING IN 1 1/2 HOURS LET’S GO

 **sbider:** btw may’s gonna borrow my car bc hers broke down so we’re taking the train instead

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** oh my god why are we going so early

 **sbider:** you chose the time you don’t get to complain

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** ugh ugh ugh

 **guy ritchair:** don’t forget breakfast guys!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** okay now that i’m a little more coherent why are we going at 9 am when the park doesn’t open till 10

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** the train only takes 30 mins

 **sbider:** maybe we can have breakfast before we leave

 **guy ritchair:** that sounds better can we go to jollibee

 **sbider:** YES PLEASE OMG AND IT’S RIGHT NEAR A STATION TOO

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you know for the white kid you’re more excited to go to jollibee than the filipino kid

 **sbider:** [knife emoji x2] i can’t help that i have good taste in both significant others and fast food okay

 **guy ritchair:** awwwwww

 **guy ritchair:** lmao mjs not replying i bet shes blushing so hard rn

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** ifhdbsvdakb SHUT UP

 **sbider:** ANYWAY

 **sbider:** better get ready so we still have enough time to eat

 **sbider:** also i have something very exciting to tell you guys later omg

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** are you pregnant

 **guy ritchair:** did you finally lay some eggs

 **sbider:** WHAT NO GUYS WTF

 **sbider:** you guys haven’t watched mamma mia 2 yet right??

 **guy ritchair:** i haven’t

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** me neither

 **sbider:** GOOD clear your schedules for tomorrow 9 pm

 **sbider:** i’ll tell you the rest of the details later

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** why can’t you just tell us now

 **sbider:** I WANNA SEE YOUR REACTIONS OKAY

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** fucking fine

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** imma go shower now

 **guy ritchair:** don’t slip

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** why would you say that now i’m gonna worry abt slipping wtf

 **guy ritchair:** I’M SORRY LMAO I JUST WANTED THE LAST WORD

 **sbider:** tragic

_8:01am_

**down w/ the bourgeoisie:** should i or should i not wear makeup today

 **sbider:** that’s up to you??

 **guy ritchair:** you rarely wear makeup tho why do you wanna do it today

 **guy ritchair:** NOT TRYING TO BE ONE OF THOSE FUCKBOYS WHO TELL PEOPLE THEY’RE PRETTIER W/O MAKEUP

 **guy ritchair:** just curious

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** there was this one guy on the train yesterday and he told me i “wasn’t like the other girls” bc i was “donning a natural face and none of that makeup crap”

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** little did he know i was wearing lip gloss and mascara

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** so basically i want to wear makeup to spite all the fuckboys and misogynists who think it’s a compliment to tell people they look better without makeup

 **guy ritchair:** yes omg what a babe

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** and also bc i’ve been rewatching queer eye and knowing you losers you’re gonna dress up for me while i look like i’ve done the bare minimum

 **sbider:** you always look good tho?? wdym

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** bwfbaksdnkbsn YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

 **guy ritchair:** we really don’t you always look 11/10

 **guy ritchair:** i dress up for you bc i always end up looking like I’VE done the bare minimum

 **sbider:** well /I/ always look like i’ve done the bare minimum you guys just turn up looking fine as hell

 **sbider:** but mj if you wanna wear makeup that’s really up to you

 **sbider:** whether you wanna spite the train douche or you wanna wear it for us or for yourself it doesn’t matter

 **sbider:** you always look amazing but this time you’re just gonna blind us with that anastasia highlight

 **guy ritchair:** highlight brighter than my future

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** my ego’s getting bigger from all these compliments

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** anyway

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** red lipstick or nah

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[thosebrowsandhighlightbinch.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BhDP7onh0d-/)]

 **sbider:** WOW SUDDENLY I AM HETEROSEXUAL

 **guy ritchair:** I LOVE ONE (1) FEMALE WOMAN

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** that doesn’t answer my question

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** also ew hets

 **sbider:** you do you babe i’m literally in love either way

 **guy ritchair:** [heart eyes emoji x3]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** okay imma put it on then im omw to jollibee in 15

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you guys better not be late or i’m ditching you for coney island myself

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_9:15am_

**sbider:** OKAY CAN I SHOW YOU GUYS PICS OF MY PARTNERS BC THEY LOOK FUCKING AMAZING TODAY

 **sbider:** not that they don’t look amazing all day every day

 **sbider:** but today is extra special bc we’re going on a proper date that we planned and everything

 **sbider:** SO CAN I

 **bless the rains:** YES

 **bless the rains:** t’challa and i are at the compound already btw

 **sbider:** NICE

 **sbider:** BUT YEAH

 **sbider:** SORRY IM TYPING IN CAPS I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH

 **pidgeot:** AWWWWWWWW

 **leg of legs:** i can’t believe this 17 y/o has a love life and yet here i am still tragically single

 **pidgeot:** not for long

 **sbider:** BACK TO MY THING PLS

 **sbider:** [[mjholyshit.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BRZXWPSBucE/)]

 **sbider:** [[nedmybae.jpg](http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/comic-book-shopping-jacob-batalon-1.jpg)]

 **bless the rains:** fuck can this smol lesbian date your gf too pls

 **sbider:**  [[elizabethswannknife.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/72cfb9f08499475d87d8fa234f8dd7ec/tumblr_inline_nqu9f7NhII1qmjtsb_1280.jpg)]

 **sbider:** no get your own

 **bless the rains:** :/

 **bless the rains:** [[katyaidontgetanylove.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/326664cd9c1adc87d483933fe8a80308/tumblr_inline_p5v9aqPcck1shgs7r_500.png)]

 **sbider:** b savkdBOD FJKOLdi a

 **Stark™:** Umm tf just happened

_sbider has added guy ritchair to the chat_

**sbider:** hi i’m mj peter’s girlfriend i stole his phone

 **sbider:** ned introduce yourself wyd

 **guy ritchair:** holy shit

 **guy ritchair:** oh fuck sorry

 **guy ritchair:** OMG SORRY

 **guy ritchair:** hi omg i’m ned leeds peter’s boyfriend

 **Stark™:** That’s adorable

 **Stark™:** I’ve yet to meet you two in person

 **Stark™:** Did peter tell you about the mamma mia 2 screening yet

 **guy ritchair:** omg mr stark uh yeah he did we’re so excited and we really really really appreciate that you allowed peter to bring us omg i’m very grateful

 **sbider:** i personally don’t approve of how you did it but i assume you offered to pay the theater employees more than enough?? And that you did not steal paid tickets away from those who wanted to watch tomorrow??

 **Stark™:** I did and no i made sure there wasn’t anyone who bought tickets to any movie scheduled for tomorrow i’m not a moster

 **sbider:** good then i slightly approve of you as peter’s father

 **Stark™:** Uhh thanks?? I guess????

 **tathor thots:** Why is Peter speaking differently?

 **Stark™:** Scroll up

 **tathor thots:** OH

 **tathor thots:** HELLO, PETER’S PARTNERS

 **tathor thots:** He talks about you two frequently and with such adoration. He is lucky to have you

 **guy ritchair:** oh my god it’s thor

 **guy ritchair:** mr thor thank you so much but tbh we’re the lucky ones

 **sbider:** yeah i took this photo of him a while ago

 **sbider:** [[peterlookinglikeasnacc.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BZJKFpeABjX/)]

 **Stark™:** [[wonderwomanababy.gif](https://78.media.tumblr.com/9a9821d49973c1b46c18237c53ec84b4/tumblr_pcc22btvU31rmalxko3_540.gif)]

 **bless the rains:** binch if i wasn’t a raging homosexual

 **guy ritchair:** OH you must be princess shuri [blushing smiley face emoji] hi i’m ned

 **bless the rains:** omg you’re precious

 **bless the rains:** peter’s a lucky piece of shit

 **sbider:** i know

 **sbider:** oh he’s trying to get his phone back time to go

 **sbider:** ned remove yourself

 **guy ritchair:** aww but i haven’t met everyone yet

 **leg of legs:** you’ll meet us all tomorrow

 **guy ritchair:** omg black widow

 **sbider:** now ned i can only distract him with jollibee for so long

 **guy ritchair:** :/

_guy ritchair has left the chat_

**sbider:** I AM SO SORRY

 **sbider:** WHAT DID THEY SAY

 **sbider:** oh that wasn’t too bad

 **bless the rains:** i’m surprised they distracted you for that long

 **sbider:** my weaknesses are food and my partners

 **sbider:** and my partners feeding me food

 **eleven:** that’s so pure what the fuck

 **sbider:** aww thanks wanda

 **bless the rains:** did you beg them for the cream

 **sbider:** LITERALLY FUCK OFF IM TRYING TO FORGET MY SHAME

 **bless the rains:** lmao i will never forget

 **sbider:** [knife emoji x7]

 **sbider:** oh we have to go i probably won’t be in the chat till later this afternoon

 **Stark™:** Have fun don’t do anything i wouldn’t do

 **sbider:** i won’t do anything you would do either

 **sbider:** i’ll stay in the gray area

 **Stark™:** Good man

 **Stark™:** Now go

 **sbider:** [peace sign emoji x2]

\--

**IronPool [peach emoji x2]**

_11:32am_

**Captain Deadpool:** spiderman told me abt the avengers gc last night

 **Captain Deadpool:** add me to the chat

 **Captain Deadpool:** tony

 **Captain Deadpool:** add me tony

 **Captain Deadpool:** what the fuck richard dont ignore me and add me

 **Stark™:** No

 **Captain Deadpool:** add me to the chat

 **Stark™:** No wade

 **Captain Deadpool:** add me to the chat mr downey

 **Captain Deadpool:** heh mr downey

 **Captain Deadpool:** mr downy

 **Stark™:** Ffs sake wade i said no

 **Captain Deadpool:** but why

 **Stark™:** Bc you’re not an avenger

 **Stark™:** And if you do you’ll only make life difficult for yourself wade

 **Captain Deadpool:** thats my superpower tony

 **Captain Deadpool:** i think i said that in one of my comics once

 **Captain Deadpool:** but it was to steve instead

 **Stark™:** I see you finally stopped typing the way you usually do

 **Captain Deadpool:** the author got tired

 **Captain Deadpool:** shes kinda lazy considering this whole thing should have a more accurate timeline

 **Captain Deadpool:** pretty hard to believe that all these crazy things happen every day for 6 days straight

 **Captain Deadpool:** 7 if you count today

 **Captain Deadpool:** almost as if theyre chapters

 **Captain Deadpool:** tony whered u go

 **Stark™:** Look i have no clue whatever the fuck it is you’re saying

 **Stark™:** I’m trying to understand but i honestly just can’t

 **Captain Deadpool:** thats okay sometimes i cant even understand me

 **Captain Deadpool:** my bf pretends for my sake which is one of the things i love abt him

 **Stark™:** Who’s he again

 **Captain Deadpool:** his names cable

 **Captain Deadpool:** well technically his names nate summers but he wants everyone else to call him cable

 **Captain Deadpool:** its not even a superhero thing

 **Captain Deadpool:** anyway he looks like a hotter and more human version of thanos except with more metal and w/o the scrotum chin

 **Stark™:** You don’t even know what thanos looked like

 **Captain Deadpool:** or do i

 **Stark™:** Oh my god wade i literally have better things to do than talk abt thanos

 **Captain Deadpool:** WAIT

 **Captain Deadpool:** spiderman also messaged me this morning abt the mamma mia 2 screening for the avengers tomorrow

 **Captain Deadpool:** if u let me come

 **Captain Deadpool:** lmao if u let me come

 **Captain Deadpool:** anyway if u let me come i wont bother u abt the avengers gc anymore i promise

 **Stark™:** Tempting

 **Stark™:** I’ll think abt it

 **Captain Deadpool:** pls say yes

 **Stark™:** I said i’ll think abt it wade

 **Captain Deadpool:** ill be here waiting for ur inevitable yes

_11:56am_

**Stark™:** Wait why were you w/ spider-man last night

 **Captain Deadpool:** we patrolled together btw dudes fucking hilarious

 **Stark™:** I thought i told you to stay away from him

 **Captain Deadpool:** i didnt do anything to him i swear!!!!!!!!!

 **Captain Deadpool:** u could even ask him if u want!!!!!!

 **Captain Deadpool:** he said he never lies to you so you have to believe him

 **Stark™:** Hmm

 **Stark™:** We’ll see

\--

**aMEriCUH**

_1:02pm_

**and bUCKY:** so am i going to the thing tomorrow alone or

 **Not Cap:** We’re just waiting for the mission briefing then we’re leaving DC as soon as we can.

 **Not Cap:** It probably won’t be until tomorrow morning though.

 **Not Cap:** Sorry :(

 **and bUCKY:** oh

 **ms keisha:** are you okay?

 **ms keisha:** is it a bad day?

 **ms keisha:** i read you were awake at 4 am in the main chat and you only get high when youve been having one of those days

 **and bUCKY:** i was but im getting better natasha was there to help me

 **and bUCKY:** i kinda feel guilty for waking her up at 2 am just to smoke weed

 **Not Cap:** Hey, what did we tell you about feeling guilty over things you have no control over?

 **and bUCKY:** yeah but ive been this way for so long

 **and bUCKY:** i should be better already

 **ms keisha:** recovery always takes time

 **ms keisha:** that youre asking someone for help is already a big step

 **and bUCKY:** still feel bad for waking nat so early tho

_ms keisha has added leg of legs to the chat_

**ms keisha:** hey nat are you mad at bucky for waking you up at 2 am for having a bad night??

 **leg of legs:** no???

 **leg of legs:** he’d do the same if it was me

 **leg of legs:** in fact i’m glad he woke me up instead of going through it alone

 **Not Cap:** See?

 **and bUCKY:** yeah i guess

 **and bUCKY:** thanks guys

 **leg of legs:** no problem

_leg of legs has left the chat_

**and bUCKY:** i miss you guys

 **and bUCKY:** its only been a few days but god i miss you so much

 **Not Cap:** I miss you, too, Buck.

 **ms keisha:** yeah i miss you too

 **ms keisha:** and i know we give each other a lot of grief bucky but you know i love you right

 **ms keisha:** bc i do

 **ms keisha:** i really love you

 **ms keisha:** sometimes so much that i dont even fucking know what do with myself

 **and bUCKY:** fuck youre making me cry i love you too

 **and bUCKY:** and you too stevie

 **and bUCKY:** steve??

 **and bUCKY:** hes crying isnt he

 **ms keisha:** lmao more like bawling

 **Not Cap:** SHUT UP! NO, I’M NOT!

 **and bUCKY:** so do you love me or not

 **and bUCKY:** bc if not then we cant be qpps anymore and im firing you as my best friend

 **Not Cap:** OF COURSE I LOVE YOU!

 **and bUCKY:** good

 **ms keisha:** steves heart is thiccer than his booty confirmed

 **and bUCKY:** thicc and soft

 **Not Cap:** Stop this.

**\--**

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_1:34pm_

**ms keisha:** would you guys agree if i said steves heart is thiccer than his ass send receipts go

 **eleven:** yes once he kissed me on the forehead when i played a song abt my brother on the guitar for the first time. i messed up a lot and was crying the whole time but he made me go on as if it was normal

 **ridley scott:** he gave me a hug once and i literally felt my soul lift up to the good place

 **leg of legs:** once when i broke my ankle on a mission he gave me a shoulder ride until i told him i was fine which was like 2 hrs later i never felt so tall in my life

 **pidgeot:** i have four kids but he never fails to give them all equal attention and never once made any of them feel left out

 **sbider:** i’m back to say that one time i was having a really bad panic attack and he stayed with me until it was over

 **tathor thots:** He never liked my sibling but when I told him Loki had died (the second time), he let me cry for as long as I wanted, after which he gave me one of his infamous hugs

 **Pink Panther:** He apologized over and over for putting the lives of my people in danger even though it was to help save the universe. I told him they understood the risk but he didn’t stop calling himself a hypocrite for saying we don’t trade lives and that he “put” the lives of my people in danger.

 **bless the rains:** right after the uh Dusting™ i was crying over t’challa and he made sure i wasn’t alone even though he’d also lost bucky and sam

 **platypus:** for a long time i felt really bummed abt my legs but he helped me get my confidence back and never once looked at me with pity

 **ms keisha:** woah this keeps getting more emotional i didnt plan this

 **and bUCKY:** holy shit

 **jean valjean:** he’s one of the people who never made me think that i was less important than the hulk

 **stranger things:** We aren’t close but when the other half came back from the soul world, he took the time to make sure I was okay even though we hadn’t properly met before.

 **Not Cap:** ima c ryin g so much rn its disdguting

 **leg of legs:** holy shit that’s adorable

 **Stark™:** lmao

 **and bUCKY:** tony youre the only who hasnt said anything

 **Not Cap:** bcyku nno ist fien he dosent hav to sya nytahign

 **Stark™:** No uh i think i do

 **Stark™:** Back when we were dating i had a bad night and i was on the balcony of the prev avengers tower w/o an iron man suit on

 **Stark™:** I was 4 months sober at the time and i really wanted a drink and to [redacted] so i went outside and sat on the edge

 **Stark™:** He found me and stayed w/ me until the sun came up and didn’t stop telling me abt the different things he loved abt me until he fell asleep on my shoulder

 **Stark™:** That night was the first time i ever told him i loved him too

 **and bUCKY:** oh

 **ms keisha:** oh wow

 **stranger things:** This feels Strangely like an awkward moment but also not.

 **ms keisha:** well congrats guys hes fucking sobbing on the floor and so am i

 **Stark™:** fuck sorry i shouldnt have said anything

 **Stark™:** i made it awkward right

 **Stark™:** god im so sorry sam hes your boyfriend and i spring this stupid story on you fuck

 **ms keisha:** HEY WOAH ITS FINE

 **ms keisha:** no srsly im glad you said something

 **ms keisha:** it means a lot to him that you did i can tell

 **and bUCKY:** hes probably relieved you acknowledged that after everything that happened between you two

 **Stark™:** Yeah well i’ve been ignoring it for so long and i just don’t want to hold anymore grudges you know

 **Stark™:** It’s bad for my heart

 **Stark™:** Literally and figuratively

_2:14pm_

**sbider:** peter looked at his phone for literally 5 seconds then started crying what did you do to him

 **sbider:** this is mj btw

 **bless the rains:** scroll up

 **sbider:** oh

 **sbider:** that’s none of my business but if he cries during our date again

 **sbider:** well idk what’s gonna happen but something definitely will

 **sbider:** bye

 **platypus:** did she just

 **platypus:** threaten the avengers

 **platypus:** i like her peter’s a lucky guy

 **Stark™:** She’s like a mini pepper

 **Stark™:** Holy shit rhodey he and his partners are literally you me and pepper

 **platypus:** huh you’re right

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_2:17pm_

**platypus:** what is UP FUCKERS

 **platypus:** I WIN

 **platypus:** BOOM

 **stranger things:** You haven’t won anything.

 **platypus:** lmao not yet but i will

 **platypus:** oh i WILL

 **Pink Panther:** [[staybackslut.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/e8d7b754b25fa1f14e9678da2fa36bb3/tumblr_inline_pbdnhd8Ioe1w2it1e_1280.jpg)]

 **platypus:** binch why you mad you’re like all over thor now

 **stranger things:** You use memes now? Since when?

 **Pink Panther:** What, I can’t like more than one person at the same time?

 **Pink Panther:** Since Shuri discovered the internet.

 **Pink Panther:** She was 5 years old at the time.

 **Captain Deadpool:** do the others kno abt this

 **Captain Deadpool:** bc im betting theyre betting on u guys

 **platypus:** they’re probably suspicious

 **Pink Panther:** They have a group chat where they talk about us.

 **stranger things:** How do you know?

 **Pink Panther:** Shuri keeps using her phone and messaging a chat but not the main chat.

 **platypus:** she could literally be messaging anyone else

 **Pink Panther:** Wakandans don’t use phones, we have kimoyo beads to communicate with each other.

 **Captain Deadpool:** so y do u guys use phones then

 **platypus:** bc they’re stark phones wilson and his majesty here is a thirsty ho

 **Pink Panther:** Never call me that again.

 **Pink Panther:** They were personalized, it would be rude not to use them.

 **stranger things:** [[surejan.gif](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-01/29/12/enhanced/webdr09/anigif_enhanced-6732-1422551428-2.gif)]

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_2:19pm_

**leg of legs:** oh my god stark have you chosen already

 **Stark™:** I literally have no idea what you’re talking about

 **and bUCKY:** that THINg abt comparing your relationship with rhodey and pepper with peter and his partners!!!!!!

 **Stark™:** It was just an observation!!

 **bless the rains:** that you clearly didn’t think through bc peter’s relationship is p romantic for all 3 of them

 **Stark™:** SHUT UP

 **tathor thots:** Tony do you think Rhodey will be alright with us being queerplatonic partners?

 **Stark™:** What babe of course he would you’re my sun and stars

 **tathor thots:** Moon of my life :’)

 **ms keisha:** what if we ask the main chat now

 **Not Cap:** That’s right, you never announced it to them.

 **Stark™:** Oh fuck

 **Stark™:** Wait steve are you okay though??

 **Stark™:** I didn’t make anything awkward or anything??

 **Not Cap:** Of course not!

 **Not Cap:** I’m really glad that you said something even though you didn’t have to.

 **Stark™:** Are you sure??

 **Not Cap:** Definitely :)

 **bless the rains:** this is so wholesome it’s disgusting

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_2:24pm_

**Stark™:** Oh thor and i have announcement

 **stranger things:** are you dating

 **Stark™:** What no

 **Stark™:** But we are now officially queerplatonic partners

 **stranger things:** Oh, congratulations!

 **tathor thots:** Thank you, Stephen!!

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_2:24pm_

**bless the rains:** did anyone else think that was sarcastic or bitter orrr

 **and bUCKY:** i think hes actually genuinely okay with it

 **bless the rains:** hmmm

 **bless the rains:** i don’t trust people who use proper capitalization and punctuation

 **bless the rains:** we’ll see

 **Not Cap:** Hey!

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_2:25pm_

**platypus:** that’s great tones!!

 **pidgeot:** thats great but this better be a recent development bc im gonna be real bitter if this has been going on for a while now

 **Stark™:** No it’s very recent

 **Stark™:** Like yesterday recent

 **Stark™:** Also thanks!!

 **eleven:** that’s adorable you guys are great together

 **Pink Panther:** They’re not Together together but this is great news. Congratulations, Anthony, Thor.

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_2:26pm_

**stranger things:** Tone down on the jealousy, your majesty.

 **Pink Panther:** I’m not! I was just stating a fact.

 **platypus:** uh huh

 **Captain Deadpool:** wait whats happening

 **Captain Deadpool:** whats the bees knees

 **Captain Deadpool:** the hot goss

 **Captain Deadpool:** the 411

 **platypus:** how the fuck do you type so fast

 **stranger things:** Thor and Tony are now queerplatonic partners.

 **Captain Deadpool:** oh shit good for them

 **Captain Deadpool:** damn i want thor as my qpp too

 **Captain Deadpool:** or a partner in general

 **platypus:** don’t we all

 **Pink Panther:** The name of the main chat IS Thirsting Over Thor Thing™ after all.

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_2:27pm_

**tathor thots:** Thank you, T’Challa :)

 **eleven:** hey what about me

 **Stark™:** Thanks wanda

 **eleven:** [ok hand sign emoji x2]

 **jean valjean:** hey Thor we’re best friends but you never bothered to tell me any of this??

 **tathor thots:** Does it help if I say I was distracted by the joy of making the nature of our relationship official??

 **jean valjean:** only a little

 **jean valjean:** congrats btw

 **tathor thots:** Thank you, 2nd strongest Avenger

 **jean valjean:** okay, now that’s just rude

 **ridley scott:** thats fucking superb good on you guys

 **Stark™:** Thanks whoever it is you are

 **ridley scott:** it was never funny stark

 **Stark™:** It is to me

 **tathor thots:** I’m going to interrupt the well wishing to say that the Guardians have finally arrived!!

 **Stark™:** Oh shit

 **Stark™:** Did you get the stark phones i sent you

 **tathor thots:** Yes. I’ll be gone for a while to introduce them to the environment and teach them how to use the phones

 **Stark™:** Okay come back soon my sun and stars

 **tathor thots:** Of course, moon of my life [heart emoji]

 **bless the rains:** ugh happy people

\--

**take on me, TAKE ME ON**

_3:04pm_

**Stark™:** Btw love thor and i are qpps now

 **salt:** That’s great, honey!

 **salt:** But why not just add him to our relationship?

 **Stark™:** He and i don’t love each other in a romantic way

 **salt:** I could love him in a romantic way.

 **Stark™:** But do you

 **salt:** The fact that I could is enough.

 **Stark™:** Lmao me too tbh

 **Stark™:** Can’t wait to see you next week [heart emoji x2]

 **Stark™:** Only four more days

 **Stark™:** You sure you don’t want to come to the mamma mia 2 screening with the rest of us??

 **salt:** Oh, I would love to but I already saw it with Hope :/

 **salt:** And I still have so much to do here.

 **Stark™:** Oh well it was a worth a try

 **salt:** I’ll see you in 4 days for our anniversary though!

 **salt:** We could watch it again if you want.

 **Stark™:** OH MY GOD CAN WE

 **salt:** Yes, you overgrown man-child.

 **Stark™:** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

 **salt:** I love you, too.

\--

**the q team**

_4:15pm_

**sbider:** thanks for today guys!!

 **sbider:** i love you so much!!

 **sbider:** hope you got home okay!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** thanks for winning us all those prizes

 **guy ritchair:** yeah!! the person was so annoyed i almost felt bad

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** they deserved it for rigging the game

 **sbider:** are you guys excited for tomorrow bc i am

 **guy ritchair:** I TOTALLY FORGOT BUT NOW THAT YOU REMINDED ME I AM DEFINITELY EXCITED

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i’m lowkey excited

 **sbider:** lmao you know you’re highkey excited

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[maybeso.gif](https://media3.giphy.com/media/35iDQ9U6aSzbq/200.gif)]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** okay but this

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[ipictheatreinterior.jpg](https://static.ipictheaters.com/2011102503/cache/Content/images/locations/15/1.jpg)]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** is what one of the cinemas look like

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** what about those in a non-monogamous relationship how are we supposed to cuddle

 **sbider:** this is bullshit

 **guy ritchair:** i’m actually conflicted rn [sad face emoji]

 **guy ritchair:** i don’t want us to sit separately

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i mean we could sit in the regular seats

 **sbider:** but cuddling :(((((((((((

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** u right u right

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_4:26pm_

**sbider:** [[heytheredemonsitsmeyaboy.gif](https://78.media.tumblr.com/f8fb9a8f85544a400959a5dab0517b6e/tumblr_oxscl97g3h1rx1y5co1_400.gif)]

 **sbider:** oh mr stark you finally told them!!

 **Stark™:** shhh

 **sbider:** excuse me

 **platypus:** wait you already knew

 **sbider:** oh that’s why

 **bless the rains:** oh shit think fast

 **bless the rains:** uhhh

 **bless the rains:** FUCK ME IN THE ASS CAUSE I LOVE JESUS

 **sbider:**!!

 **sbider:** THE GOOD LORD WOULD WANT IT THAT WAY

 **eleven:** GIVE ME THAT SWEET SENSATION OF A THROBBING RATIONALIZATION

 **Not Cap:** WHAT

 **Stark™:** W H A T

 **Pink Panther:** WHAT IS THIS

 **and bUCKY:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **jean valjean:** kids these days with their worship for Jesus through anal intercourse

 **Stark™:** DON’T ENCOURAGE THEM BRUCE

 **leg of legs:** they need context guys

 **bless the rains:** ugh old people

 **bless the rains:** [[the loophole vid](https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY)]

_4:38pm_

**ms keisha:** steve has his earphones in and is just staring into space with his mouth hanging open which one of you did this to him

 **leg of legs:** scroll up

 **ms keisha:** lmao oh that video

 **ms keisha:** WAIT WTF YOU MADE STEVE WATCH THAT

 **ms keisha:** LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **and bUCKY:** you know abt this what the fuck richard

 **ms keisha:** get off my dick

 **and bUCKY:** im a top so nah

 **sbider:** guys pls not again

_4:49pm_

**bless the rains:** hey peter i’m curious how did mj find out you were spider-man

 **Stark™:** Yeah i thought she didn’t know

 **sbider:** haha so

 **sbider:** it was on a weekend sometime in february and i was over at ned’s place bc we were building a millennium falcon lego set

 **bless the rains:** fuckin nerds

 **sbider:** do you want to know the story or not

 **bless the rains:** fine go ahead

 **sbider:** anyway i was abt to leave for a patrol and bc mj was arriving soon for a history project she and ned had

 **sbider:** i was out ned’s window hanging upside down w/o my mask on

 **sbider:** at this point i already had massive crushes on both of them and at that time i was looking at ned and thinking oh i could kiss him right now and karen was goading me on

 **sbider:** now my spidey-sense has gotten a lot more accurate lately BUT it still gets weird whenever i’m distracted

 **sbider:** which was how i didn’t notice mj coming into the room until i leaned in to kiss ned and she cleared her throat apparently she had been there for 3 mins already while ned and i just stared at each other

 **sbider:** she already had her suspicions so she wasn’t at all surprised that i was spider-man

 **Stark™:** Wait was that when you left me a message of you screaming into the phone for 2 mins

 **sbider:** lmao yeah

 **tathor thots:** I hate to interrupt but

 **tathor thots:** I’m adding the Guardians, be cool

 **sbider:**!!

 **Stark™:** Oh lord no

 **tathor thots:** I’m actually only adding Rocket, Quill, Nebula, Gamora, and Drax

 **tathor thots:** Groot just made a gagging noise and Mantis keeps dropping her phone

_tathor thots has added Rocket, Nebula, Quill, Gamora, and Drax to the chat_

**Quill:** Yello

 **Stark™:** Oh god he still lives in the 80s

 **Quill:** I left earth in the 80s so kinda accurate

 **sbider:** hey mr lord!!

 **Quill:** Let me guess, little peter?

 **sbider:** yes!!

 **Quill:** I missed you mini me!!

 **sbider:** i missed you too!!!!

 **stranger things:** Oh great, it’s you again.

 **Quill:** I don’t know what you’re referencing with your username but i’m assuming you’re houdini

 **stranger things:** Literally never call me that ever again.

 **Gamora:** Be nice, Peter.

 **Rocket:** i have better things to do than be here

 **and bUCKY:** hey raccoon

 **Rocket:** well if it isnt the sound of music

 **Stark™:** You know earth references??

 **Rocket:** blame quill

 **Quill:** Hey

 **leg of legs:** is nebula here

 **Nebula:** yes i am why who are you

 **leg of legs:** it’s me natasha

 **Nebula:** oh hey

 **leg of legs:** hey so

 **leg of legs:** i wanna take you out

 **Nebula:** i’ve never done anything bad to you why would you want to kill me

 **and bUCKY:** LMAO

 **leg of legs:** WHAT no i meant take you out on a date

 **Nebula:** oh

 **Nebula:** what’s that

 **Gamora:** It’s what Peter, Drax, and I do when we have a day off. Like go out for a nice meal or have a picnic.

 **Drax:** Sometimes we engage in sexual activities.

 **Quill:** DUDE

 **sbider:** oh my god not them too

 **Nebula:** okay then sure

 **Nebula:** that sounds mildly pleasant

 **leg of legs:** omg that’s great

 **leg of legs:** when are you guys gonna arrive in new york we can plan the date when we see each other

 **tathor thots:** We’ll be leaving in 15 hours

 **Stark™:** MY SUN AND STARS I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN

 **tathor thots:** I FEEL THE SAME MOON OF MY LIFE

 **Quill:** Wow that’s fucking gay

 **Stark™:** You’re just jealous

 **Quill:** No i’m not.

 **Gamora:** Yes, he is.

 **Quill:** NO I’M NOT

 **Drax:** He is very jealous.

 **Quill:** My partners are both assholes

 **Drax:** We do not remotely look anywhere close to anuses.

 **Gamora:** It’s an insult, Drax.

 **Drax:** But, Peter, why would you say that? I thought you loved us?

 **Quill:** I’ll make up for it??

 **sbider:** not in this chat i hope

 **bless the rains:** these usernames are boring

 **Quill:** And you are??

 **bless the rains:** shuri, princess of wakanda

 **Quill:** Oh good to meet you your higness

 **Rocket:** he never has any manners so this is a rare thing

 **Quill:** I already have the perfect usernames for everybody

_Peter Q. has set their name to Captain Kirk_

_Captain Kirk has set Gamora’s name to mean and green_

_Captain Kirk has set Drax’s name to green and unseen_

_Captain Kirk has set Nebula’s name to moonhead_

_Captain Kirk has set Rocket’s name to easter bunny_

**easter bunny:** i will fucking kill you

 **Stark™:** How dare you soil kirk’s name

 **Captain Kirk:** Yo what the fuck

 **moonhead:** change this i don’t like it

 **moonhead:** now or i’ll stab you in your sleep

 **Captain Kirk:** GOD FINE

 **Stark™:** Change yours too

_Captain Kirk has set moonhead’s name to the terminator_

_Captain Kirk has set their name to Ziggy Stardust_

**Ziggy Stardust:** Btw has bowie released new music since i was gone

 **and bUCKY:** oh

 **ms keisha:** oh honey

 **sbider:** that is so sad karen play heroes by david bowie

 **Ziggy Stardust:** What you’re scaring me

 **Stark™:** Oh quill you sweet summer child

 **stranger things:** I honestly almost feel sorry.

 **Ziggy Stardust:** What are you talking abt you’re srsly scaring me

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Wait

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Wait no

 **Ziggy Stardust:** NO

 **leg of legs:** yes unfortunately

 **green and unseen:** Peter’s crying, what’s happening?

 **Ziggy Stardust:** WHAT THE FYCK

 **pidgeot:** dont worry i cried too

 **Ziggy Stardust:** I’m gonna need some time to process my loss

 **Stark™:** By process do you mean curl up in a fetal position and cry while listening to david bowie’s entire discography

 **Ziggy Stardust:** No i’m going to dance around a bonfire naked chanting fleetwood mac lyrics until i collapse in exhaustion and fairies come take me away to a magical place where bowie is still alive

 **Ziggy Stardust:** OF COURSE IM GOING TO CURL UP INTO A BALL AND CRY

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Wait don’t tell me stevie nicks also

 **sbider:** no she’s fine and still amazing

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Okay good

 **Ziggy Stardust:** But BOWIE

 **Ziggy Stardust:** I can’t even

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Bye i’m gonna cry in my lavish asgardian room now

 **easter bunny:** what a fucking drama queen

 **easter bunny:** wait i told him to change my fucking username

_easter bunny has set their name to bitchin_

**bitchin:** that’s better

 **eleven:** the stranger things crew omg

 **bitchin:** i have no idea what you’re talking about

 **Stark™:** Hey thor can you show them how to use netflix

 **Stark™:** P sure quill’s gonna enjoy stranger things

 **tathor thots:** Of course!!

 **mean and green:** What are these things and why are they strange?

 **bless the rains:** it’s a tv series you’ll understand when you watch it

 **mean and green:** We’ll see.

\--

**New Chat**

_7:24pm_

_sbider has added bless the rains, leg of legs, and bUCKY, jean valjean, pidgeot, tathor thots, eleven, ms keisha, Not Cap, Ziggy Stardust, mean and green, green and unseen, the terminator, and bitchin to the chat_

_sbider has named the chat **the hot goss**_

**bless the rains:** oh is this where we place bets

 **sbider:** no we’re actually gonna gossip here

 **bless the rains:** fuck even better

 **Ziggy Stardust:** I don’t understand

 **and bUCKY:** lmao is that just your default nature

 **sbider:** don’t @ him like this confusion is bisexual culture you should know you’re one

 **and bUCKY:** true true

 **leg of legs:** long story short for the newbies t’challa, strange, and rhodes have giant crushes on stark they think they’re slick but it’s just sad so we gossip abt it and root for someone to win

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Well he’s a pretty attractive dude

 **green and unseen:** There was a time Gamora, Peter, and I discussed propositioning him if we ever visit Terra.

 **mean and green:** That’s true.

 **sbider:** okay did not need to know that

 **sbider:** can i add my partners to the chat

 **sbider:** and ms potts and ms van dyne too

 **leg of legs:** sure you made it anyway

 **sbider:** idk ms van dynes contact tho

 **ridley scott:** i do ill add her

_sbider has added down w/ the bourgeoisie, guy ritchair, and salt to the chat_

_ridley scott has added bee movie stan to the chat_

**sbider:** hello loves!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** no

 **sbider:** :/

 **guy ritchair:** he’s just trying to get us in on the juice mj don’t be mean

 **sbider:** yeah mj don’t be mean you’re in a chat with most of the avengers

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i have a reputation

 **sbider:** sure

 **bless the rains:** nice to have you with us again mj

**\--**

**then perish**

_7:27pm_

**sbider:** excuse you

 **bless the rains:** i’m only being polite tf

 **sbider:** i’m watching you

**\--**

**the hot goss**

_7_ _:27pm_

 **bless the rains:** and you too ned

 **guy ritchair:** thanks!! i still feel overwhelmed but this is great!!

 **bee movie stan:** Scott, what have i told you about adding me to weird group chats

 **ridley scott:** BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT

 **salt:** Oh, what is this for?

 **sbider:** uhhhh

 **and bUCKY:** _l_ _eg of legs: long story short for the newbies t’challa, strange, and rhodes have giant crushes on stark they think they’re slick but it’s just sad so we gossip abt it and root for someone to win_

 **salt:** I like this.

 **salt:** I’m rooting for Rhodey.

 **sbider:** oh shit

 **sbider:** okay everyone rooting for rhodey rt

 **sbider:** rt

 **leg of legs:** rt

 **salt:** rt

 **tathor thots:** rt

 **jean valjean:** rt

 **Not Cap:** rt

 **bee movie stan:** rt

 **sbider:** okay how abt dr strange

 **guy ritchair:** rt

 **Ziggy Stardust:** rt

 **mean and green:** rt

 **green and unseen:** rt

 **the terminator:** rt

 **bitchin:** rt

 **sbider:** okay honestly you guardians are just saying rt bc quill said so

 **bitchin:** no it's because strange is the only one we’re familiar with

 **sbider:** okay i’ll give you that

 **sbider:** and king t’challa

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** rt

 **bless the rains:** rt

 **ms keisha:** rt

 **and bUCKY:** rt

 **pidgeot:** rt

 **eleven:** rt

 **sbider:** okay so far mr rhodey is winning

 **sbider:** we’ll just have to wait and see

 **sbider:** oh i have an idea

 **sbider:** what if everyone says nice things bt mr stark in the main chatt like what we did with steve a while ago

 **sbider:** also bc he deserves all the good things in the world

 **salt:** Yes, I like that.

 **sbider:** okay i’ll start

**\--**

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_7:48pm_

**sbider:** i feel like mr stark deserves recognition for being one of the softest people on earth

 **sbider:** send receipts

 **Stark™:** Wait what

 **sbider:** i’ll start

 **sbider:** after we came back from the soul world and i saw him again he didn’t let go of me for a long time and we just cried into each other and oh my god im starting to cry this was a bad idea

 **platypus:** the very second we came back from germany after the Chili’s Rumble all he could talk about was how he would make an exoskeleton to help me walk

 **platypus:** and one time he called me in the middle of the night just to tell me how much i meant to him and he wasn’t even drunk

 **and bUCKY:** he would never admit it but i know hes the one who vouched for me at the icc and the un

 **stranger things:** After the Thanos Incident, he built a set of exoskeleton like Rhodey’s except for my hands to help with the shaking even though I never asked him to.

 **pidgeot:** i found a check written to each of my kids with enough money to send them to whatever school they wanted

 **Stark™:** Guys what is this

 **leg of legs:** shh just let it happen tony

 **leg of legs:** he should hate me for lying to him in 2010 about who i was but he didn’t

 **eleven:** i blamed him for all the wrong things but he never held it against me. instead of throwing me out, he gave me a home and a family

 **ms keisha:** when i told him how little support veterans were getting from the government he donated a whole bunch of money to every charity made for helping vets

 **Pink Panther:** After the loss of my father, he came into a room I was in and sat with me. He didn’t say or do anything. He just sat with me to let me know I was not alone.

 **Stark™:** Guys what the fuck

 **tathor thots:** He was under no obligation to help us Asgardians, but he did. He gave us a new home and worked hard to get us that home. And for that, I can never thank him enough.

 **bless the rains:** the first time he came to wakanda and saw my work he didn’t act the way i thought he would all condescending and patronizing, instead he asked me so many question and told me that i did such an amazing job with the technology he even said he wanted to learn from me

 **ridley scott:** he was the one who worked with the united nations to get me a deal so i could be with my daughter again

 **jean valjean:** he just gets me, you know. when he talks science with me, it doesn’t feel like he’s competing with me but like he was working with me. he’s always willing to learn from other people and barely anyone recognizes that

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Me and the guardians would love to say something but we’re not really close

 **sbider:** that’s okay mr lord

 **Stark™:** Guys srsly where did this come from

 **Stark™:** You should know i’m crying right now

 **the terminator:** i actually have something to say

 **the terminator:** while we were on our way to terra from titan, we told each other about our pasts. one thing he said stuck to me and it was that we were not our fathers.

 **mean and green:** He said that?

 **the terminator:** it’s when i knew i should trust him

 **and bUCKY:** stevie?

 **Not Cap:** I remember when we first started dating, I told him that for a long time, I’ve wanted to walk around Central Park in the middle of the night and just look at what little stars were visible through all the pollution.

 **Not Cap:** One night, he was supposed be at a gala but he came home early. He told me to grab a jacket and then suddenly there we were in Central Park in the middle of the night holding hands and just walking around. It must have looked weird because he was wearing this expensive suit and looking like a million bucks while I was in an unwashed hoodie with 5 o’clock shadow.

 **Not Cap:** We talked about nothing and everything and all I could think about in that moment was how much I loved him. It was the first time I knew I loved him.

 **ms keisha:** i hate to like interrupt but im crying oh my god

 **and bUCKY:** this was so good and gay

 **sbider:** i think everyone’s crying tbh

 **Stark™:** I honestly don’t know what to say

 **Not Cap:** You don’t have to say anything. It was our turn to tell you how you make our lives amazing just by being there.

**\--**

**Incoming Call**

**Tony Stark > Steve Rogers**

_10:12pm_

**STEVE R.:** Tony?

 **TONY S.:** Hey, Steve.

 **STEVE R.:** Is there something wrong?

 **TONY S.:** **…**

 **TONY S.:** Did you mean it?

 **STEVE R.:** What do you mean?

 **TONY S.:** What you said about me.

 **STEVE R.:** Of course, I do, Tony.

 **TONY S.:** (small sniff)

 **STEVE R.:** Wait, Tony, are you crying?

 **TONY S.:** Maybe a little, heh.

 **TONY S.:** God, Steve, where did we go wrong?

 **TONY S.:** We could’ve been so good together.

 **STEVE R.:** (shaky laugh) I know. For what it’s worth, I was happy with you.

 **TONY S.:** I was happy with you, too. (more sniffling)

 **TONY S.:** God, fuck, why do I snot so much when I cry. (small laugh)

 **STEVE R.:** Maybe that’s why we didn’t work. Because we’re both snotters.

 **TONY S.:** That actually makes sense.

 **STEVE R.:** But, Tony, I just want you to know that I really am sorry. No excuses this time.

 **TONY S.:** I’m sorry, too.

 **STEVE R.:** I’ll always love you, you know. Even if it’s not the same kind of love as before. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.

 **TONY S.:** Steve, don’t. I, I’m not-

 **STEVE R.:** I’m gonna tell you again: you don’t have to say anything.

 **TONY S.:** **…**

 **TONY S.:** So, friends again?

 **STEVE R.:** I’d love that. Yeah.

 **STEVE R.:** Friends again.

 **TONY S.:** I’ll see you tomorrow, Steve.

 **STEVE R.:** I can’t wait. Go get some sleep

 **TONY S.:** In about two hours.

 **STEVE R.:** Tony-

 **TONY S.:** _Fine_. Good night, Steve.

 **STEVE R.:** Good night, Tony.

**END CALL**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried so much writing this chapter btw  
> FINAL VOTE COUNT  
> -rhodey=16  
> -stephen=9.5  
> -t'challa=4  
> -everyone=6  
> -thor=3  
> -bucky=1  
> -quill=4  
> -deadpool=1  
> AND THE WINNER IS RHODEY  
> please expect ironhusbands or the start of it in the next chapter  
> if you have any suggestions or criticism, again pls tell me i'd appreciate it


	8. you are the dancing groot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Stark™:** WHO THE FUCK JUST YELLED DADDY WHEN FERNANDO STEPPED OUT OF THE CAR
> 
>  **sbider:** it was mr lord lmao
> 
>  **Ziggy Stardust:** Be still my beating penis
> 
>  **sbider:** MR LORD NO
> 
>  **bless the rains:** WHY ARE YOU ON YOUR PHONES SHUT THE FUCK UP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi welcome to chili's  
> \- so to clear up any confusion regarding shit about age of ultron, basically i'm going with the comic book origin for ultron where hank pym made him bc fuck joss whedon but i'm keeping everything else where clint has a family and wanda and pietro got their powers from the mind stone and pietro's dead  
> \- basically with this history, thor never lifted tony 3 feet off the ground by the neck bc honestly FUCK joss whedon  
> \- long story short hank pym made ultron and joss whedon is the true villain of the mcu  
> \- OH and in case any of you aren't used to the guardians being here, these are their usernames:  
> \-- quill = Ziggy Stardust  
> \-- gamora = mean and green  
> \-- drax = green and unseen  
> \-- rocket = bitchin  
> \-- nebula = the terminator  
> \- i didn't put groot in this bc it feels like i'd just be forcing it at this point and i'm still unfamiliar with mantis' general disposition so i'm waiting until i get more of a feel for her before adding her to the fic  
> \- fuck joss whedon  
> ENJOY

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_5:12am_

**Stark™:** Today’s the day fuckos

 **Stark™:** Wait what time is it

 **Stark™:** Oh shit it’s 5 am

 **Stark™:** You’re all prob still sleeping then i’ll come back in 2 hrs

 **tathor thots:** I’m not sleeping

 **tathor thots:** Wanda and Vision have just arrived at the palace and we’ll be leaving for New York in 4 hours, moon of my life

 **Stark™:** My sun and stars

 **Stark™:** Don’t forget our thing

 **tathor thots:** Oh, how could I

 **tathor thots:** Did you sleep well?

 **Stark™:** A little

 **tathor thots:** How many hours?

 **Stark™:** 3??

**tathor thots: :/**

**Stark™:** Fine i’ll sleep some more have friday alert me when you’re near

 **tathor thots:** No promises

 **Stark™:** Don’t betray me like this babe

 **bless the rains:** im not in wknada anmyore quit it im slepeign

_6:02 am_

**Stark™:** Nope can’t do it

 **Stark™:** 3 hrs is enough sleep i need to do something

 **bless the rains:** go to sleep or i’m adopting all your bot-children

 **Stark™:** You wouldn’t dare

 **bless the rains:** try me bitch

\--

**aMEriCUH**

_6:24am_

**Not Cap:** Hey, Buck, you’re probably still sleeping but I’m just letting you know that Sam and I are leaving DC in a while.

 **and bUCKY:** mnmmm ok c u

 **and bUCKY:** sams ass bttr b redy

 **ms keisha:** it is are you

 **Not Cap:** Guys, it’s too early for this.

 **ms keisha:** thats not what u said when i woke you up with a bj literally 20 mins ago

 **and bUCKY:** lmao hrony ashols

 **Not Cap:** Okay, you know what? You’re in time out.

 **ms keisha:** i aint getting on top of the fridge

 **Not Cap:** Well, you’re definitely not getting on top of this ass if you keep it up.

 **and bUCKY:** y r u gys tlkng 2 echa othr in this caht ur lirelytly in th sme plce

 **ms keisha:** oh wow even through text youre incoherent this early in the morning

 **Not Cap:** I’m making breakfast and Sam is in the bathroom.

 **and bUCKY:** aww r u dochuing 4 me sam

 **Not Cap:** Stop this.

 **ms keisha:** im coming for you my white whale

 **and bUCKY:** oh ull b comign allryt

 **ms keisha:** i was talking to your dick but okay

 **Not Cap:** STOP THIS!

 **and bUCKY:** ur no fun :/

\--

**the q team**

_7:01am_

**sbider:** y’all wake up we need to go to the compound

 **sbider:** ,,,,,,,,,,

 **sbider:** i hope you will find it within yourselves to forgive me for the transgression i will soon be committing towards you

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **sbider:** WAKE UP

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY GOD ITS TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT

 **sbider:** you’re coherent you’ve been awake this whole time stop fucking lying

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[icantreadsuddenly.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/5ETs34G31iCAg/giphy.gif)]

 **sbider:** :/

 **sbider:** anyway get ready we’re leaving for the compound

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** but why

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** the movie isn’t until 9 pm and we don’t need to go to the compound bc the cinema’s literally right next fucking door

 **guy ritchair:** :/ i kinda agree with mj here

 **sbider:** so i’m assuming you guys don’t want to see the notebook scene mr stark and thor are gonna recreate in oh 2 hrs??

 **sbider:** and that you don’t in fact want to meet thor as soon as you can??

 **guy ritchair:** MMMMMMMMMMMMMM SHIT

 **guy ritchair:** tbh i can’t decide whether i want sleep or the gay

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** it’s a tough decision

 **sbider:** you can sleep in the car

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** how abt breakfast tho

 **sbider:** we can get the capitalist starbucks breakfast you hate so much on the way

 **sbider:** but not too much tho mr stark makes great pancakes surprisingly

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** can’t wait i’ll be ready in 10

 **guy ritchair:** will you pick us up or do we go to your place

 **sbider:** picking you guys up is a lot more convenient actually

 **guy ritchair:** okay see you!!

 **sbider:** SEE YOU BABES

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** see you losers

 **sbider:** well you are what you date

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [knife emoji x2]

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_7:26am_

**and bUCKY:** steve and sam are here

 **and bUCKY:** were leaving for the compound after i take care of some stuff

 **ms keisha:** im stuff

 **sbider:** Do Not

 **and bUCKY:** oh peter youre awake

 **sbider:** don’t you oh peter you’re awake me mr bucky

 **bless the rains:** woah you’re cranky today

 **sbider:** maybe it’s bc of the constant borderline sexting that’s always happening between mr falcon and mr bucky

 **bless the rains:** oh shit you never call them mr anything

 **and bUCKY:** IM SORRY MY CHILD WELL TONE IT DOWN

 **Stark™:** Yeah maybe that would work if it was actually believable

 **and bUCKY:** why do you hate me

 **Stark™:** We’ve already established that i don’t??

 **and bUCKY:** ba jdkhakbn

 **and bUCKY:** soft stark

 **sbider:**!! SOFT STARK

 **bless the rains:** SOFT STARK

 **platypus:** soft stark is the only stark that exists

 **leg of legs:** soft soft soft soft

 **jean valjean:** big ol softy

 **eleven:** big soft

 **eleven:** mad soft

 **Stark™:** WHAT THE FUCK SHUT UP

 **Not Cap:** Soft.

 **stranger things:** Soft Stark™

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Idk what’s happening but soft

 **Ziggy Stardust:** The rest of the guardians screamed soft too

 **Stark™:** NOT YOU GUYS TOO

 **pidgeot:** say soft too many times and it starts to sound and look weird

 **pidgeot:** BUT SOFT STARK

 **Pink Panther:** The softest.

 **ms keisha:** soft stark soft stark soft stark

 **tathor thots:** Soft Stark :’)

 **Stark™:** I will yeet myself into the sun

 **platypus:** pls don’t i don’t think i can catch you this time

 **Stark™:** I Am Betrayed

_Stark™ has set platypus’s name to Betrayal™_

**Betrayal™:** i’ve only ever loved you why would you do this to me

_Stark™ has set Betrayal™’s name to platypus_

**\--**

**[eyes emoji]**

_7:31am_

**leg of legs:** IM FUCKING CRYING TONY WHAT THGE FUCK

 **Stark™:** SHUT UP OH MY GOD

 **Stark™:** ITS BC WEVE BEEN FRIENDS OUR WHOLE LIVES OFC HE LOVES ME

 **bless the rains:** HES BLUSHING SO HARD

 **Stark™:** THATS IT NO MORE PANCAKES FOR YOU YOUNG LADY

 **bless the rains:** YOU WOULDNT DARE

 **bless the rains:** lmao t’challa’s big mad he’s typing on his phone really hard

 **sbider:** mr stark right now:

 **sbider:** [[isthisaplatonicstatement.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/d79651cc12101c59231980f8386630ed/tumblr_p49rhjhMbg1qkgmgko1_540.jpg)]

 **Stark™:** Peter [red angry face emoji x2]

 **sbider:** i regret nothing

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_7:32am_

**Pink Panther:** Rhodes, what the fuck.

 **stranger things:** [knife emoji x3]

 **Captain Deadpool:** whats happening

 **stranger things:** [avengersgcscreenshot.jpg]

 **platypus:** lmao y’all big mad

 **Pink Panther:** You keep calling me thirsty but the truth is you’re the thirstiest of us all.

 **platypus:** i mean

 **platypus:** i never said i wasn’t

 **Captain Deadpool:** thats gay i respect that

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_8:16am_

**sbider:** btw my partners and i are heading to the compound rn

 **sbider:** we also have ms widow with us

 **leg of legs:** [peace sign emoji x2]

 **Stark™:** That’s great but why

 **bless the rains:** YES PETER HOLY SHIT

 **sbider:** LETS MCFREAKIN LOSE IT

 **Stark™:** Yes but answer my question

 **Stark™:** You don’t need to come to the compound before we go to the theater you know

 **sbider:** yeah but i figured my partners would be less overwhelmed if they met you guys one by one

 **Stark™:** That’s not the real reason

 **sbider:** yes it is

 **Stark™:** No it isn’t

 **Stark™:** What are you hiding peter

 **sbider:** OKAY FINE WE WANNA WATCH YOU AND THOR REENACT THE NOTEBOOK SCENE

 **Stark™:** Then why didn’t you just say so tf

 **sbider:** tbh idk i expected more resistance from you

 **Stark™:** I’m not giving you umbrellas tho

 **sbider:** why would we need umbrellas??

 **Stark™:** You’ll see

 **pidgeot:** HEY DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY PLUS TWOS I CAN USE I HAVE FOUR KIDS AND 1 WIFE I NEED AN EXTRA PLUS THREE

 **Stark™:** I don’t think all the plus twos are gonna be used you can just bring your whole family

 **pidgeot:** okay good bc we just got in with sam and steve a while ago we’re heading there but sam and steve are staying behind with bucky

 **Stark™:** Well thanks for the heads up i guess

\--

**the hot goss**

_9:19am_

**eleven:** thor truly is a tathor thot

 **eleven:** [[tathorthot1.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DefQYP7VAAA7zFT.jpg)]

 **eleven:** [[tathorthot2.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/5738d557c475fb28ceaaa2913368820c/tumblr_inline_p8ql7gho9m1vjbiqi_1280.jpg)]

 **jean valjean:** oh my god I told him to stop doing that whenever he steps off an aircraft

 **pidgeot:** this is thotphobia

 **jean valjean:** remove yourself from this reality

 **pidgeot:** tbh i dont think theres a reality worse than this

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** big mood

 **jean valjean:** get out clint

 **jean valjean:** oh wait i can finally use the video Stephen sent me

 **jean valjean:** [[bitchgetthefuckout.mp4](https://video.twimg.com/ext_tw_video/1021829479990263809/pu/vid/640x360/cfaiRlu74qqKhJFD.mp4?tag=3)]

 **pidgeot:** rude

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Strange sends you videos huh

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Is there some unspoken thing going on here

 **jean valjean:** we live in the same house

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Okay i’ll give you that

_9:31am_

**bless the rains:** [thortonythenotebookkissscene.mp4]

 **leg of legs:** I DIDNT THINK THEYD ACTUALLY DO IT WTF

 **and bUCKY:** HOLY SHIT SAM STEVE WHY DID WE DECIDE TO FUCKING STAY IN THIS MORNING

 **and bUCKY:** I WOULDVE LOVED TO SEE THAT IRL

 **Not Cap:** Why is it raining?

 **ms keisha:** lmao i feel bad for mantis val and loki they look so confused

 **bee movie stan:** Is that an acoustic version of take on me playing in the background

 **sbider:** OKAY IT WAS AMAZING THE CHORUS STARTED JUST AS MR STARK JUMPED INTO THORS ARMS

 **bless the rains:** okay but quill off key singing along to the song is me tbh

 **guy ritchair:** it was just like a movie

 **guy ritchair:** i actually cried it was so beautiful

 **salt:** GET IT, BABE!

 **eleven:** is it possible for someone to look jealous and turned on at the same time bc

 **eleven:** rhodey and t’challa at 0:47 look just like that

 **mean and green:** Is…

 **mean and green:** Is this what you people usually do in your free time?

 **jean valjean:** ever since the Thanos Incident, there’s been a decline in supervillains around the world

 **jean valjean:** there’s still a few but it takes a long time for one to pop up

 **pidgeot:** we takee our entertainment however we can

 **bitchin:** okay but where was the music coming from

 **eleven:** lmao from vision

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Domo arigato mr roboto

_9:37am_

**down w/ the bourgeoisie:** they’re still going at it it’s been 10 minutes

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** and it’s still raining

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** vision’s just standing in the rain with an umbrella playing diff songs

 **and bUCKY:** whats he played so far

 **bless the rains:** i want to know what love is and total eclipse of the heart

 **bless the rains:** oh take my breath away just started

 **bitchin:** last i checked humies need to breathe right

 **bless the rains:** makes the song more appropriate imo

 **green and unseen:** Is it healthy for Terran humans to kiss for a long period of time?

 **Not Cap:** I don’t know and honestly, I can’t blame either of them.

 **Not Cap:** Tony kisses like it’s the last time he’s ever going to kiss you and Thor kisses like it’s the only time he’s ever going to kiss you.

 **leg of legs:** that’s poetic and beautiful but how’d you know how thor kisses like

 **ms keisha:** thats bc he and tony had a threesome with thor before they brokmnSB AVOFBKS DFJVNAMDSDAJL

 **and bUCKY:** oh my fucking god he fucking dead

 **sbider:** absolutely did not need to know that

 **guy ritchair:** oh wow peter i thought you were exaggerating whenever this happened

 **sbider:** fucking right

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** well /i/ absolutely DID need to know that

 **sbider:** MJ NO

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_11:16am_

**ms keisha:** ive managed to escape steves clutches

 **ms keisha:** in the wake of my freedom id like to inform everyone that thor and tony dped steve when they had a threesomjcNKAdjavhakdg vhadvjkBDD CANM

 **stranger things:** Truly, Steve Rogers is a bottom for the people.

 **jean valjean:** Sam’s sacrifice to share this information with us shall not be in vain

 **sbider:** really mr wilson in front of my fucking salad

 **bless the rains:** really peter ancient memes in my fucking lobby

 **Stark™:** What where’d this come from

 **and bUCKY:** sams salty bc steve forsaked? forsook? forsakened? his dick so hes telling everyone abt you guys’ former sex life

 **Stark™:** Seems fair

 **Not Cap:** Tony >:(

 **leg of legs:** well this is a new development

 **sbider:** DID YOU TWO FINALLY TALK MR STARK

 **Stark™:** Umm yeah

 **Not Cap:** There were a lot of things still left unsaid though.

 **Stark™:** We can talk abt it in the near future

 **sbider:** i can’t believe this chat worked [satisfied smile emoji x2]

 **bless the rains:** yo backstreet boys tf is this

 **bless the rains:** [[backstreetboyspapphoto.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DefQYP7VAAA7zFT.jpg)]

 **jean valjean:** cursed image

 **stranger things:** Where did you get this?

 **eleven:** nani the fuck

 **sbider:** lmao my last 4 brain cells

 **Stark™:** It’s a street performance can’t you tell

 **Stark™:** Also where do you get these photos?????

 **sbider:** LMAO SHURI THREW HER SOCK AT MR STARKS FACE IM CRYIN

 **sbider:** HES CHASING HER WITH A BROOM NOW

 **eleven:** t’challa’s not even trying to help shuri he’s just watching from the sidelines fucking tragic

\--

**the hot goss**

_11:21am_

**leg of legs:** ffs sake sam you almost blew our cover

 **ms keisha:** what i cant make mistakes now

 **pidgeot:** this is just like budapest

 **and bUCKY:** exactly what the fuck happened in budapest

 **leg of legs:** it’s none of your concern barnes

 **and bUCKY:** im legitimately scared

 **bless the rains:** yo bucky don’t you guys wanna come over

 **and bUCKY:** you just want someone to protect you from tony

 **bless the rains:** listen he deserved that stinky sock in the face im not apologizing how should i know he would chase me with a fucking broom

 **and bUCKY:** whatever were spending some quality time

 **and bUCKY:** A LOT of quality time

 **sbider:** that quality time better not be what i fucking think it is

 **Not Cap:** We’re watching Sam play Fortnite and heckling him.

 **ms keisha:** i have the worst boyfriends

 **jean valjean:** that’s surprisingly innocent and not at all what i expected

 **and bUCKY:** i know i was surprised too

 **pidgeot:** hey lang when are you and your daughter coming in

 **pidgeot:** lang

 **pidgeot:** scott

 **ridley scott:** uhhhh idk actually we dont have any means of transportation you know

 **salt:** I’ll have a jet ready for you in two hours.

 **salt:** Be at SI fifteen minutes before takeoff.

 **ridley scott:** you truly are a goddess amongst us mortals

 **salt:** I know.

\--

**backstreet’s back alright**

_1:02pm_

**Stark™:** Guys scott and his kid just arrived come over we’re about to have lunch

 **that is NOT correct:** But who will guard the Sanctum?

 **jean valjean:** oh thank god, i’m fucking hungry

 **stranger things:** I’ve spoken with Minoru, she’ll stay here while we’re gone.

 **stranger things:** So long as we bring her back some food after the movie.

 **Stark™:** I can work with that

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_2:18pm_

**Captain Deadpool:** hey so

 **Captain Deadpool:** what times the movie

 **platypus:** tf why would you want to know

 **Captain Deadpool:** tony said hed talking abt me joining but he hasnt gotten back 2 me yet

 **Pink Panther:** And for good reason.

 **Captain Deadpool:** hey [angry face emoji x4]

 **stranger things:** Fine, we'll ask.

_2:32pm_

**Captain Deadpool:** soooo?????????????

 **platypus:** he said you could come unfortunately

 **Captain Deadpool:** oh ill come alright

 **Pink Panther:** Despicable.

 **Captain Deadpool:** i think u meant despacito

 **Pink Panther:** Ndini.

 **Captain Deadpool:** wait what

 **Captain Deadpool:** what does that mean

 **stranger things:** Despicable but in Wakandan.

 **Captain Deadpool:**  [red angry face emoji x7]

\--

**the hot goss**

_4:47pm_

_tathor thots has added 2 shots of vodka, Captain Deadpool, and begone thot to the chat_

**tathor thots:** They wanted in

 **leg of legs:** wtf why is wilson here

 **ms keisha:** excuse you

 **ms keisha:** oh wait THAT wilson

 **Captain Deadpool:** IM FINALLY IN THE AVENGERS GROUP CHAT HOLY SHIT

 **sbider:** this isn’t the avengers gc pool

 **Captain Deadpool:** wtf y is everyone here then

 **guy ritchair:** it’s for gossiping mr pool sir

 **Captain Deadpool:** is this abt tony and the 3 stooges

 **Captain Deadpool:** im guessing it is

 **bless the rains:** THREE STOOGES IM CRYIN

 **bless the rains:** WE SHOULD HAVE CALLED THEM THAT FROM THE FUCKING START

 **eleven:** wait who’s begone thot

 **tathor thots:** I’ll give you one guess

 **eleven:** it’s loki isn’t it

 **and bUCKY:** dammit thor tony told you not to add him to the chat

 **tathor thots:** But this isn’t the main chat though

 **ms keisha:** hes got a point

 **begone thot:** I thought it was obvious at first glance that it was me.

 **begone thot:** There’s only one other person with thot in their username after all

 **sbider:** oh my god

 **begone thot:** Yes, I am a god.

 **Captain Deadpool:** do u guys usually talk to each other on ur phones even tho ur all in the same room

 **Captain Deadpool:** or is this some fanfiction type thing

 **leg of legs:** you know this is why tony didn’t want you in the main chat

 **Captain Deadpool:** well thats just rude

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_6:38pm_

**Stark™:** Time to get mcfuckin ready fuckos

 **Stark™:** Pregame is on

 **and bUCKY:** wait were drinking

 **eleven:** lmao no we’re just watching the first mamma mia

 **Stark™:** Like i said pregame

_7:49pm_

**sbider:** [quillonthecoffeetableshirtless.mp4]

 **bitchin:** fucking idiot

 **and bUCKY:** WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS THIS

 **and bUCKY:** AND THE /MOVES/

 **ms keisha:** IM FUCKING YELLING IS THAT A CUCUMBER HES USING AS A MIC

 **Not Cap:** What’s that song he’s singing to?

 **sbider:** super trouper

 **and bUCKY:** oh my god drax catching quill when he jumped at 0:21 is amazing

 **and bUCKY:** theyre so in sync

 **bless the rains:** i mean

 **bless the rains:** they are dating

 **leg of legs:** really if you guys were here we’d just be watching this all unfold but no you had to be horny pieces of shit

 **ms keisha:** you know what we dont need this kind of negativity in our lives

 **and bUCKY:** and hows trying to flirt with both val and nebula going for you nat

 **leg of legs:** we’re going to a wine bar tonight and brunch tomorrow so check fucking mate barnes

 **and bUCKY:** fuck

\--

**take on me, TAKE ME ON**

_8:21pm_

**Stark™:** Last chance to get here pep i can get strange to portal you

 **salt:** Tempting. It is only for 2 hours, I guess.

 **Stark™:** OMG PLEASE YOU CAN BRING HOPE TOO

 **salt:** Oh, I am, I’m not about to miss rewatching this with her.

 **salt:** Let me just give her a heads up.

 **Stark™:** OKAY

\--

**God is a Woman**

_8:22pm_

**salt:** Do you want to watch Mamma Mia 2 again?

 **bee movie stan:** Please oh my god I’ve been dying to watch it again

 **salt:** Great! Tony said he’ll ask Dr. Strange to portal us to New York for the movie then back again.

 **bee movie stan:** Well that’s a useful trick

 **salt:** I know, right.

 **salt:** I’ll let Tony know.

\--

**take on me, TAKE ME ON**

_8:25pm_

**salt:** She said yes. [smiley face emoji]

 **Stark™:** I’M ACTUALLY YELLING RIGHT NOW

 **salt:** I can tell.

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_8:35pm_

**Stark™:** We just finished the movie strange is portalling us to the theater now are you guys there yet

 **Stark™:** Pepper and hope are here too

 **Not Cap:** We’re five minutes away.

 **Stark™:** Okay any food orders??

 **and bUCKY:** just regular butter popcorn for me and a bottle of wine for the three of us

 **ms keisha:** i want cheese fries like the largest fucking bucket

 **Not Cap:** I’m okay with a hotdog.

 **Stark™:** Of course you are you big bottom

 **Not Cap:** STOP!

\--

**the hot goss**

_9:01pm_

**sbider:** MR STARKS SITTING NEXT TO MR RHODEY

 **sbider:** RHODEY STANS HAVE WON

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** is it really necessary for us to sit on the bed next to theirs

 **guy ritchair:** yes mj bc cuddling

 **bless the rains:** kids these days and their fulfilling romances

 **guy ritchair:** you know

 **guy ritchair:** we have a friend whos bi

 **guy ritchair:** her names liz and shes really great do you wanna meet with her?? she’s back in ny for the summer

 **bless the rains:** you’re my new favorite neddo

 **bless the rains:** and yes i would definitely fucking love to

 **sbider:** i’m not even mad bc ned is everyone’s favorite

 **2 shots of vodka:** movies abt to start turn off your phones

 **bless the rains:** anything for you my literal goddess

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_9:17pm_

**Stark™:** WHO THE FUCK JUST YELLED DADDY WHEN FERNANDO STEPPED OUT OF THE CAR

 **sbider:** it was mr lord lmao

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Be still my beating penis

 **sbider:** MR LORD NO

 **bless the rains:** WHY ARE YOU ON YOUR PHONES SHUT THE FUCK UP

_11:34pm_

**Stark™:** Everyone’s home and the movie’s over time to scream

 **and bUCKY:** lmao everybody screaming when fernando started playing was the biggest mood for the night

 **pidgeot:** and more screaming when cher started singing

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Cher’s still so beautiful it’s been almost 30 years since i last saw her face holy shit

 **bitchin:** she sounded really familiar was she the one who sang the if i could turn back time song

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Yeah

 **bitchin:** WHAT THE FUCK I LOVE HER

 **leg of legs:** mmmm mood

 **ms keisha:** she doesnt need to turn back time bc she still looks the same

 **bless the rains:** the casting was fucking spectacular

 **pidgeot:** THE SUPER TROUPER PARTY AT THE END

 **pidgeot:** HEY LET’S HAVE A PARTY LIKE THAT SOMETIME

 **Stark™:** SURE WHY FUCKING NOT

 **sbider:** okay but donna Sheridan is a known bi Don’t Change My Mind

 **Ziggy Stardust:** TRUE FUCKING FACTS

 **leg of legs:** i’m glad you guys are staying till tomorrow

 **Ziggy Stardust:** You’re only saying that bc you have a date with nebula and val tomorrow

 **the terminator:** keep talking quill and you’ll find something on your pillow tonight

 **Ziggy Stardust:** No pls i don’t wanna buy another pillow

 **Stark™:** I don’t wanna know

 **mean and green:** I'm surprised Groot put down his game to watch the movie and the one before.

 **mean and green:** Less thrilled when Mantis touched his arm and she started singing "You are the dancing Groot, young and Groot, only Groot and Groot" at the top of her lungs

 **stranger things:** What are you talking about, that was the best part.

 **ms keisha:** they should have let bill and harry kiss

 **bless the rains:** okay but think of it this way if they ever make a threequel they can ask hugh jackman to come in as harry’s boyfriend

 **and bUCKY:** WHAT THE FUCK YES

 **eleven:** hey is it just me or does wolverine look like a hairier shorter angrier version of hugh jackman

 **jean valjean:** huh i see it

 **sbider:** anyway guys i’m going for patrol

 **sbider:** THANKS TONY BTW

 **Stark™:** Yeah yeah

 **Stark™:** I’m assuming everybody else is grateful too??

 **bless the rains:** i’m not

 **Pink Panther:** Shuri.

 **bless the rains:** fine thanks i guess

_11:48pm_

**bitchin:** so we’re not gonna talk abt everyone crying in the end when the mother’s ghost started a duet with her daughter

 **bitchin:** okay then

\--

**the q team**

_11:57pm_

**sbider:** hey i’m really glad you guys came with me today

 **sbider:** i love you!!

 **guy ritchair:** soft [B]eter

 **guy ritchair:** and i love you too!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** love you guys too

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** so peter are we really not going to talk about you and mr stark crying and gripping each other’s hands during my love my life

 **sbider:** i wish i was jared, 19

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** fine be that way

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** btw should we give liz a heads up that you set her up on a blind date with a literal princess

 **guy ritchair:** maybe

 **sbider:** i’m going on patrol with deadpool in like 10 mins can you do the planning w/o me

 **guy ritchair:** sure!! stay safe okay!! be back home by 2!!

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** if you get hurt i’m literally going to kill you

 **sbider:** no promises!!

 **sbider:** [purple heart emoji x2]

 **guy ritchair:** [yellow heart emoji x2]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [black heart emoji x2]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ironhusbands oh feels good feels organic  
> \- here's a pic of what the theater they watched the movie in looks like: https: // static.ipictheaters .com/2011102503/cache/Content/images/locations/15/1.jpg  
> \- sam steve and bucky are literally so fucking horny all the time why are they like this  
> \- i still don't know how to feel abt mamma mia 2 being made for the gays and yet having only het characters with the exception of harry  
> \- oh and i have a playlist for songs thor and tony recreate the notebook scene to  
> i'm taking any suggestions and/or criticisms so pls feel free to let me know in the comments or through my tumblr: happywingswaywardthings


	9. [dutchmarriagecertificate.jpg]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **platypus:** isn’t life beautiful
> 
>  **platypus:** sometimes you do things when you’re 33 and drunk and lonely that you thought you’d regret forever
> 
>  **platypus:** but then those simple mistakes simple lapses of judgment turn out to be blessings in disguise
> 
>  **platypus:** i did not care to appreciate what had happened nor did i make an effort to fully remember the details
> 
>  **platypus:** but today i am a changed man and i am proud to say that it is for the better
> 
>  **platypus:** i am humbled by this experience and now i truly know the meaning of life
> 
>  **stranger things:** Okay, we get it, you’re legally married to Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG  
> i'll make it up to you guys with a new chapter a week from now i just feel so bad you guys had to wait so long  
> anyway i hope this update satisfies you
> 
> OH and i edited the format if you guys hadn't noticed yet; i just underlined all hyperlinks and put them in brackets
> 
> ENJOY

**God is a Woman**

_7:21am_

**bee movie stan:** Hey Pepper uhhh

 **salt:** Yes?

 **bee movie stan:** So I was practicing my hacking skills and

 **salt:** As one does but go on.

 **bee movie stan:** I found this??

 **bee movie stan:** [dutchmarriagecertificate.jpg]

 **salt:** Oh.

 **salt:** Well.

 **salt:** That’s…new.

 **salt:** I’m gonna ask Tony about it, maybe there’s an explanation.

 **bee movie stan:** Well I sure do hope there is

\--

**take on me, TAKE ME ON**

_7:28am_

**salt:** Tony.

 **salt:** Tony, I know you’re awake. FRIDAY sent me an alert when you woke up.

 **salt:** Although I’m not pleased that you woke up at 4 am like an old man.

 **Stark™:** Wow way to catch my attention by calling me an old man

 **Stark™:** Good morning to you too my love

 **salt:** Yes, good morning, but I have something more important.

 **Stark™:** Okay i’m scared now

 **salt:** [dutchmarriagecertificate.jpg]

_7:44am_

**Stark™:** Huh

 **Stark™:** Well that’s something

 **salt:** Care to explain?

 **Stark™:** I vaguely remember it considering it happened 17 yrs ago and i was really really drunk

 **salt:** Ask Rhodey then.

 **Stark™:** Wait before i do are you mad??

 **salt:** No?

 **salt:** Confused and a little annoyed that you never told me but I’m not mad?

 **Stark™:** You promise??

 **salt:** Of course, Tony. I love you.

 **Stark™:** Oh okay thank god

 **Stark™:** I love you too [heart emoji]

 **salt:** [heart emoji]

\--

**tony stop changing the chat name to salt n pepa lyrics**

_8:03am_

**Stark™:** Hey rhodey

 **Stark™:** Platypus

 **Stark™:** Honeybear

 **Stark™:** Light of my life

 **Stark™:** RHODEY

_8:14am_

**Stark™:** I’m gonna move this to the main chat if you don’t answer me in 15 mins

_8:29am_

**Stark™:** fINE BE THAT WAY

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_8:30am_

**Stark™:** So since rhodey’s ignoring me in our private chat everybody’s gotta have to know

 **sbider:**??

 **platypus:** i put our chat on silent bc i didn’t want to be distracted

 **leg of legs:** [eyes emoji]

 **Stark™:** Wow rude

 **Stark™:** I thought you loved me

 **platypus:** i never said i didn’t

 **Stark™:** Your recent actions suggest otherwise

 **platypus:** that was out of loving you wyd

\--

**[eyes emoji]**

_8:33am_

_bless the rains has named the chat **there was something in the air that night**_

**leg of legs:** THE STARS WERE BRIGHT

 **tathor thots:** FERNANDO

 **sbider:**!! THEY WERE SHINING THERE FOR YOU AND ME

 **ms keisha:** FOR LIBERTY

 **and bUCKY:** FERNANDO

 **Not Cap:** Guys, please.

 **Stark™:** Yes thank you steve

 **Not Cap:** No, I just didn’t have any other lines from the song to add.

 **Stark™:** [knife emoji x3]

 **Stark™:** HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO REPEAT THE FACT THAT WEVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS SO OF COURSE HE FUCKING LOVES ME????????

 **Stark™:** Oh gross more than 30 yrs i’m fucking old

 **bless the rains:** ah the typical Stark™ denial regarding anything romantic in his life

 **bless the rains:** feels good feels organic

 **Stark™:** Literally fuck off kyle

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_8:34am_

**Stark™:** ANYWAY

 **Stark™:** Wait what was i gonna say

 **Stark™:** Oh right

 **Stark™:** Het rhodey

 **platypus:** the fuck do you mean het rhodey

 **bless the rains:** ew no hets in my lobby

 **Stark™:** fkdeOUIJAjk I MEANT HEY

 **sbider:** no i’m pretty sure you meant ouija from that keyboard smash mr stark

 **sbider:** are you trying to send us a message

 **Stark™:** Sometimes i Cannot Control my fingers

 **platypus:** title of your sex tape

 **Stark™:** Well you would know

_\--_

**there was something in the air that night**

_8:38am_

**leg of legs:** IM SORRY WHAT

 **Stark™:** You know that actually was the title of one of my leaked sex tapes

 **Stark™:** I have 3 of them so like calm down maybe

 **and bUCKY:** i know [winky face emoji]

 **ms keisha:** excuse you

 **and bUCKY:** that wasnt me i was possessed by steve rogers

 **Stark™:** I appreciate it barnes

 **Not Cap:** Please let me forget my shame.

 **leg of legs:** wait 3 of them does that mean there’s more

 **sbider:** i do not like where this conversation is headed

 **Stark™:** That’s not for you to find out rushmanoff

 **leg of legs:** fuckin watch me

 **tathor thots:** We’re getting distracted

 **bless the rains:** YEAH SO STOP THIS

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_8:39am_

**Stark™:** GETTING BACK TO THE ORIGINAL POINT

 **Ziggy Stardust:** I wasn’t aware there was a point to all this

 **Stark™:** Fuck off oh my god let me finish my thing

 **Ziggy Stardust:** :/

 **platypus:** i wanna see where this is going so can people stop interrupting thanks

 **Stark™:** Thanks babe

 **bless the rains:** [eyes emoji]

 **Pink Panther:** Let the man speak, Shuri.

 **Stark™:** SO GETTING BACK TO BEFORE I WAS SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED SEVERAL TIMES

 **Stark™:** Rhodey do you remember that time the netherlands became the first country to legalize same sex marriage

 **Stark™:** And we were there the summer of 2001 on our friendversary and got really drunk and decided to have a maybe-fake-maybe-real wedding

 **platypus:** ,,,,,,,,,,

 **platypus:** i may recall some parts yes

 **Stark™:** So did we ever make sure that it wasn’t really legally binding or have we basically been married for the past 17 yrs

 **platypus:** uhhhhhh

 **jean valjean:** i have no idea what’s happening but i love it

\--

**there was something in the air that night**

_8:43am_

**bless the rains:** [eyes emoji]

 **sbider:** [eyes emoji]

 **leg of legs:** [eyes emoji]

 **and bUCKY:** [eyes emoji]

 **ms keisha:** [eyes emoji]

 **Stark™:** All at the same time really isn’t that a little over the top

 **tathor thots:** [eyes emoji]

 **Stark™:** ET TU MY SUN AND STARS

 **Not Cap:** …

 **Stark™:** Hoe don’t do it

 **Not Cap:** [eyes emoji]

 **Stark™:** OH MY GOD

_bless the rains has added jean valjean to the chat_

**jean valjean:** [eyes emoji]

 **Stark™:** BITVCH HOWD YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SENT BEFORE YOU WERE ADDED

 **jean valjean:** i didn’t, it just seemed appropriate

 **Stark™:** Nothing abt this is appropriate but sure

 **bless the rains:** okay then bitch how would finding out you’ve been legally married to rhodes this whole time change anything abt your relationship

 **Stark™:** WHAT THE FUCK SHUT UP??????

 **sbider:** but hey mr stark look at it this way if you guys do decide to get married you wouldn’t have to bc you know

 **sbider:** you already are

 **Not Cap:**  WAIT, SO THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE DATING, YOU WERE CHEATING ON RHODEY WITH ME?!

 **Stark™:** BITCH NOTHINGS EVEN OFFICIAL

 **leg of legs:** not /yet/

 **ms keisha:** i can’t believe tony stark is an adulterer (no mouth face emoji)

 **Stark™:** I’ve been dating my girlfriend faithfully since 2010 and dated steve with her permission 2013-2016 i’m no adulterer kindly fuck off

 **bless the rains:** i mean if rhodes already knew his literal husband was dating other people and was okay with it then i guess it’s fine

 **leg of legs:** wait you would’ve needed a witness to get married so you can technically ask them if the marriage was legally binding

 **Stark™:** Happy was there but he was also drunk otherwise he would’ve never let us do it in the first place

 **jean valjean:** it’s times like this that i wish i’d known you sooner

 **jean valjean:** all the things i could’ve been a part of

 **jean valjean:** and willingly let happen

 **Stark™:** Say what now

 **and bUCKY:** was there a

 **and bUCKY:** you know

 **and bUCKY:** a wedding night

 **and bUCKY:** ;;;;;;;))))))))))))))))))

 **sbider:** pls don’t

 **Stark™:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **leg of legs:** answer the question

 **Stark™:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **bless the rains:** answer the goddamn question stark

 **Stark™:** It is not information i am willing to divulge as of this moment

 **bless the rains:** YO WHAT THE FUCK

\--

**the q team**

_8:52am_

**sbider:** H-HEWWO?????

 **guy ritchair:** [[thenperish.jpg](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/342/448/526.jpg)]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** fucking disgusting erase yourself from this existence

 **sbider:** turning to dust is not as fun as you think it is

 **guy ritchair:** peter :(

 **guy ritchair:** no :(

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** Do Not

 **sbider:** y’all right sorry

 **guy ritchair:** ny’all

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** do you two losers want me to leave this chat

 **sbider:** ASFAOdjaphO PLSEAE DNOT

 **guy ritchair:** AND IIIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOUUUUUUUU

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** what were you gonna tell us anyway

 **sbider:** oh fuck right

 **sbider:** [avengersgcscreenshot1.jpg]

 **guy ritchair:** IM CRYING OH MY GOD

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE LITERALLY KEANU REEVES AND WINONA RYDER IM

 **sbider:** [fernandoscreenshot1.jpg]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** SO IS IT FUCKING REAL

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** IT BETTER BE

 **guy ritchair:** this is so beautiful i’m actually literally honest to thor crying??

 **guy ritchair:** they consummated the marriage so it must be real

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** no one is obligated to consummate a relationship to make or prove it’s real especially when one is ace

 **guy ritchair:** shit guess i’m not as unproblematic as i thought

 **guy ritchair:** i would like to make a formal apology to every ace person this was not my intention ignorance is not an excuse for me to make such a statement but it’s the only one i have and i am genuinely sorry

 **guy ritchair:** no srsly i feel so bad [sobbing face emoji x2]

 **sbider:** ned leeds proving once more that he is the Light of This World

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** he’s a good boy

 **guy ritchair:** pls don’t say that

 **sbider:** what the light of this world thing or the good boy thing

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** come on peter don’t pretend you don’t know the answer to that

 **sbider:** OHOHOHOHO REALLY NOW

 **guy ritchair:** GYUS SHUTST PUUP

 **sbider:** WHAT A GOOD BOY

 **guy ritchair:** okay but peter when /you/ say it i just feel like a golden retriever

 **sbider:** i can’t believe i’m dating a furry

 **guy ritchair:** IM NOT A FURRY

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** exposing ned’s praise kink took a turn

 **guy ritchair:** I DO NOT HAVE A PRAISE KINK

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you’re doing great love

 **guy ritchair:** FUCK

 **sbider:** how come when mj does it it works but when i do it i just expose one more furry

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** it’s just your general disposition i guess

 **guy ritchair:** stop saying i’m a furry im beg

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** well since you’ve been so good

 **guy ritchair:** OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT

 **sbider:** but ned you deserve every praise this world has to offer

 **guy ritchair:** i’ll take it

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i’m proud of you baby

 **guy ritchair:** vai vjsOIHOJNKD

 **sbider:** he nut

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** LMAO PETER WHAT THE FUCK

 **guy ritchair:** peter why

 **sbider:** this is payback for the begging for cream thing

 **guy ritchair:** okay that’s fair

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_9:17am_

**stranger things:** I TAKE ONE (1) BUBBLE BATH TO RELAX ON MY DAY OFF

 **stranger things:** AND I COME BACK TO THAT BULLSHIT IN THE MAIN CHAT

 **stranger things:** RHODES I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL PORTAL YOU TO THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE

 **platypus:** i was wondering when you’d see it lmao

 **platypus:** BUT IT HAPPENED YEARS AGO WHY YOU GOIN OFF

 **Pink Panther:** :/

 **Captain Deadpool:** uhhhhhhh

 **Captain Deadpool:** can someone explain

 **Captain Deadpool:** yo the writer still hasnt added me to the main chat

 **Captain Deadpool:** and i cant supervise this chat if i never know whats going on

 **Pink Panther:** [avengersgcscreenshot1.jpg]

 **Captain Deadpool:** LMAO I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I ROOTED FOR U RHODES

 **Pink Panther:** Excuse you.

 **Pink Panther:** I thought you were rooting for me. You said so.

 **Captain Deadpool:** bitch u have thor to thirst after

 **Captain Deadpool:** i cant help that im being realistic

 **Captain Deadpool:** ofc im going to support keanu reeves

 **platypus:** i’m winona ryder in this scenario so fuck off maybe

 **Captain Deadpool:** WOW THE AUDACITY

_9:23am_

**Captain Deadpool:** wait

 **Captain Deadpool:** wasnt winona the one who remembered the thing

 **Captain Deadpool:** so why are u her

 **Captain Deadpool:** unless,,,,

 **platypus:** don’t fucking say it wilson

 **Captain Deadpool:** UVE REMEMBERED THIS WHOLE TIME????????

 **stranger things:** ANSWER THE QUESTION RHODES

 **platypus:** THAT WASNT EVEN A QUESTION HE JUST PUT QUESTION MARKS

 **Pink Panther:** You know what, I can’t do this.

 **Pink Panther:** Fuck.

 **Pink Panther:** I forgot I can’t leave.

 **Captain Deadpool:** thats so sad alexa play the winner takes it all by abba

 **Pink Panther:** Rude.

 **stranger things:** Tell us the truth, Rhodes.

 **Captain Deadpool:** yeah rhodes tell us the truth

 **Pink Panther:** Do it.

 **platypus:** FUCK YALL I DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING

 **Captain Deadpool:** #CONFIRMED

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_10:31am_

**pidgeot:** any news im dying to know over here

 **stranger things:** I’m not.

 **pidgeot:** control your thirst cardcaptor sakura

 **stranger things:** Stop calling me that. Do you want a repeat of six days ago?

 **pidgeot:**  vabvwjkmwBLIKJM IM SORRY PLS DONT I DONT HAVE MY HEARING AIDS I WONT BE ABLE TO HEAR YOU

 **leg of legs:** do it strange he deserves it

 **pidgeot:** WHAT DID I DO

 **pidgeot:** THIS IS ABLEISM

 **leg of legs:** you drank all my wine you’re not as innocent in this as you think

 **pidgeot:** ILL BUY YOU TEN FOR EACH BOTTLE I DRANK

 **leg of legs:** you drank 3 bottles and one bottle costs $500 you don’t have anywhere near that kind of money

 **sbider:** fuckin savage omg

 **pidgeot:** this is just like fucking budapest

 **ms keisha:** oh my god someone pls tell me what happened in budapest

 **leg of legs:** no

_11:21am_

**Stark™:** It’s real

 **Stark™:** Rhodey and i are actually legally married

 **and bUCKY:** YO HOLY FUCK

 **bless the rains:** PRAISE THE POWERS THAT BE

 **bless the rains:** b ajkE ILSHKJBDQK

 **and bUCKY:** oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead

 **sbider:** aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY OTP IS VALID

 **sbider:** okay but shuri are you okay tho lmao

 **eleven:** T’CHALLA THREW A CHAIR AT HER OMG

 **eleven:** SHE RAN OUTSIDE TO AVOID HIM

 **eleven:** she’s just sitting next to groot in the grass now flipping him off through the window this is amazing

 **eleven:** now t’challa’s holding one of her blasters as hostage

 **eleven:** HE’S THREATENING TO RIP IT APART WITH HIS BARE HANDS

 **sbider:** his majesty really didn’t have to do that but he did wow

 **Pink Panther:** [[andwhataboutit.gif](https://78.media.tumblr.com/7b60f4cae8b52bc0fe6072336c245967/tumblr_inline_pdkdkiqJB91v3shpr_400.gif)]

 **sbider:** rip in pieces

 **bless the rains:** wow can you believe i’m an only child

 **Pink Panther:** I’ve always wished I was.

 **bless the rains:** EXCUSE YOU

 **sbider:** wait where’s mr stark he went offline

 **eleven:** he’s been in the lab all day so idk

 **mean and green:** I saw Rhodes head there when he arrived literally a minute ago.

 **leg of legs:** wait what now

 **bless the rains:** they’re fucking

 **bless the rains:** bet

 **Pink Panther:** Are you going to keep this up or am I going to cancel your date with Parker’s friend?

 **eleven:** SHURI THREW A ROCK AT THE GLASS

 **eleven:** okay now they’re both outside and they’re chasing each other around with sticks

 **eleven:** who will win

 **eleven:** top 10 anime fights

 **sbider:** wanda lmao your commentary is amazing

 **eleven:** i wouldn’t have to do any commentary at all if my toaster boyfriend stopped following thor around like a puppy and spent more time with me

 **eleven:** YO T’CHALLA LITERALLY YEETED GROOT AT SHURI IM

 **sbider:** i wanna be

 **sbider:** where the people are

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_1:41pm_

**platypus:** isn’t life beautiful

 **platypus:** sometimes you do things when you’re 33 and drunk and lonely that you thought you’d regret forever

 **platypus:** but then those simple mistakes simple lapses of judgment turn out to be blessings in disguise

 **platypus:** i did not care to appreciate what had happened nor did i make an effort to fully remember the details

 **platypus:** but today i am a changed man and i am proud to say that it is for the better

 **platypus:** i am humbled by this experience and now i truly know the meaning of life

 **stranger things:** Okay, we get it, you’re legally married to Tony.

 **Pink Panther:** No need to rub it in our faces.

 **Captain Deadpool:** wow

 **platypus:** hmmm how do you say,,,,,

 **Pink Panther:** English was your first language.

 **platypus:** I WIN BITCHES

 **platypus:** BOOM

_Captain Deadpool has set platypus’s name to sore winner_

**sore winner:** hey now don’t hate the player hate the game

 **stranger things:** That is not how that saying goes.

 **sore winner:** change it back wilson

 **Captain Deadpool:** but im having fun :(((((((((((((((((((((

 **Pink Panther:** Are the multiple chins really necessary?

 **sore winner:** change it or you’ll never join the main chat

 **Captain Deadpool:** ugh

_Captain Deadpool has set sore winner’s name to platypus_

**Captain Deadpool:** btw since rhodey won isnt this chat basically useless now

 **Captain Deadpool:** shouldnt we delete it

 **stranger things:** No.

 **Pink Panther:** But why?

 **stranger things:** It’s a testament to our shame.

 **platypus:** see this is why i won bc i see no shame in loving tony

 **Captain Deadpool:** oh that was beautiful i think im gonna cry

 **Captain Deadpool:** no srsly i think i really am

 **stranger things:** YOU KNOW THAT ISN’T WHAT I MEANT!

 **stranger things:** BACK ME UP, T’CHALLA!

 **Pink Panther:** No, Rhodes is right.

 **stranger things:** I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON??????

 **Pink Panther:** You may have it.

 **stranger things:** shid fknIOBPJOLI DKJFVDLAKBJS

 **platypus:** i think we broke him [prayer hands emoji x2]

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_3:11pm_

**tathor thots:** We’ve arrived in Asgard!!

 **sbider:** WHAT but thor you didn’t tell me

 **tathor thots:** But I told you all last night??

 **sbider:** still a heads up would’ve been nice

 **sbider:** at least i could’ve said goodbye properly :((((

 **tathor thots:** Oh, I didn’t realize :(

 **tathor thots:** I’m sorry, Peter :(

 **sbider:** nah as long as you guys come back soon

 **tathor thots:** But of course!! :)

 **Stark™:** Well you guys could’ve stayed longer you know

 **Stark™:** I miss you already my sun and stars :(

 **tathor thots:** I feel the same moon of my life :(

 **tathor thots:** I wish we didn’t have to leave so soon but a king has his duties

 **Stark™:** Yeah I know

 **Ziggy Stardust:** At least i finally have time to watch that show you recommended

 **eleven:**!!!!!!!!

 **eleven:** i can’t wait for rocket to be part of the stranger things crew

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Hey what about me :/

 **stranger things:** We prefer the raccoon.

 **bitchin:** i’m not a raccoon

 **stranger things:** We prefer the captain.

 **bitchin:** that’s better

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Okay first of allmkvsnk dfoaos

 **mean and green:** He says he’s sorry, Captain Rocket.

 **bitchin:** see this is why aside from groot you’re my favorite

 **mean and green:** I know.

 **leg of legs:** i miss my girlfriends already

 **mean and green:** Nebula says she misses you, too, Natasha.

 **leg of legs:** i am Soft in this chili’s tonight

 **green and unseen:** It was only the afternoon when we left?

 **bless the rains:** oh drax honey we’ve been through this

 **bless the rains:** remember that thing i taught you?

 **green and unseen:** That your brother was a thirsty ‘hoe’?

 **green and unseen:** I still find it confusing because as far as I know, tools of farming do not have the means of hydrating themselves.

 **stranger things:** BOIHABAOJBAOJFB YES T’CHALLA IS IN FACT A DEHYDRATED TOOL OF FARMING

 **bless the rains:** ns Isojbs KX JSKNDMX NO THE OTHER ONE I TAUGHT YOU

 **eleven:** LMAO SHURI SAVE YOURSELF T’CHALLAS ON HIS WAY TO YOU

 **bless the rains:** FUCK WAY TO BE A FUCKING SNITCH DRAX

 **bitchin:** FUCKIN RIGHT

 **bitchin:** he does that all the time

 **bitchin:** he’s caused so many intergalactic incidents because he never learned how to keep his mouth shut

 **mean and green:** That’s true.

 **green and unseen:** I did not ask to be attacked on this fine day.

 **sbider:** IM CRYING WHAT THE FUCK

\--

**the q team**

_3:14pm_

**sbider:** YO

 **sbider:** [avengersgcscreenshot2.jpg]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** DEHYDRATED TOOL OF FARMING LMAOOOOOOOOOO

 **guy ritchair:** PETER THATS YOU

_guy ritchair has set sbider’s name to Dehydrated Tool of Farming™_

**Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** I LOVE IT BUT ITS TOO LONG

 **Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** oh no

 **guy ritchair:** TITLE OF YOUR SEX TAPE

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** TITLE OF YOUR SEX TAPE

 **Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** i hate this

_down w/ the bourgeoisie has changed restrictions on Dehydrated Tool of Farming™_

**Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** pls don’t

 **Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** i’ll do anything just pls change my name

 **guy ritchair:** once more he Begs For The Cream

 **Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** IVE ONLY EVER LOVED YOU WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_3:16pm_

**Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** someone pls change my name

 **ms keisha:** who is this????

 **Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** it’s peter

 **Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** parker

 **and bUCKY:** oh you poor child did your partners do this to you

 **Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** yes :(

 **and bUCKY:** lmao then i’m not changing it

 **Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** I TRUSTED YOU BUCKY?????????

 **and bUCKY:** who the hell is bucky

 **Not Cap:** Do not.

 **bless the rains:** as much as i would love to give that name to t’challa i’m still restricted

 **Dehydrated Tool of Farming™:** fuck

_stranger things has set Dehydrated Tool of Farming™’s name to sbider_

**stranger things:** Do it, Shuri.

 **bless the rains:** I CANT IM STILL RESTRICTED

 **stranger things:** Fine, then I’ll do it.

_stranger things has set Pink Panther’s name to Dehydrated Tool of Farming™_

**bless the rains:** he’s not holding his phone he can’t see it this is a disaster

\--

**the q team**

_3:43pm_

**guy ritchair:** yeah peter kavinsky’s cute but the only peter in my life is peter parker

 **sbider:** what and this is supposed to make me forgive your sins

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** who in the diddly dack fetty wap knick knack slapjack fanny pack fuck changed your name

 **guy ritchair:** mj omg

 **sbider:** mr doctor strange is my only friend

 **sbider:** also bc he made it king t’challa’s new name

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** oh well in that case i love david blaine

 **sbider:** bsvaihk libhjsskjnAk DONT LET HIM SEE THAT

 **guy ritchair:** but she literally called him that when we all went to watch mamma mia 2??

 **sbider:** wait what

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i hold powers the world cannot comprehend

**\--**

**BICONS**

_3:52pm_

**bLIZzard:** Hey Peter do you have Shuri’s contact??

 **bLIZzard:** I just wanted to ask her if we’re still on for tonight (blushing smiley face emoji)

 **sbider:** oh yeah!! here

_sbider has sent contact details for bless the rains to the chat_

**bLIZzard:** Thanks!!

 **sbider:** have fun on your date!!

 **sbider:** btw anytime you’re free maybe we could go out on a double date sometime??

 **bLIZzard:** Omg i’d love that!!

 **sbider:** great!! we really miss you and it’s been so long since we last hung out (sad face emoji)

 **bLIZzard:** Aww I miss you guys too (single tear emoji)

 **bLIZzard:** Just text me the details whenever!! (blushing smiley face emoji x2)

 **sbider:** sure thing!!

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_3:57pm_

**bless the rains:** PETER

 **sbider:**????

 **bless the rains:** LIZ JUST MESSAGED ME

 **sbider:**!!!!

 **sbider:** hang on lemme add you to the q team

 **leg of legs:** wait why i wanna know what happens

 **bless the rains:** no can do widow this is a gen z only event

 **leg of legs:** :/

\--

**the q team**

_3:47pm_

**sbider:** heads up i’m adding shuri

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** NO

 **sbider:** uhhh why not

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** maybe bc we promised we wouldn’t add anyone to this chat who isn’t part of the relationship

 **sbider:** oh shit i forgot abt that

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** :/

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** let’s just make another group chat

 **guy ritchair:** god there’s so many now

 **sbider:** hmmm okay

\--

**New Chat**

_3:49pm_

_sbider has added down w/ the bourgeoisie, guy ritchair, and bless the rains to the chat_

_sbider has named the chat **Shuri’s Lesbian Crisis**_

**sbider:** we made a Pact not to add anyone to the q team so here we are

 **bless the rains:** okay yeah this is better actually

 **guy ritchair:** what are you guys gonna do for your date princess??

 **bless the rains:** we’re meeting at 6:30 then going to the botanical garden at around 7 you know walk around get to know more abt each other

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** uhh but doesn’t it close at 6 pm

 **bless the rains:** yeah but i’m the princess of the richest and most technologically advanced nation in the world so why shouldn’t they have it open for me

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** :/

 **sbider:** oh you shouldn’t have said that

 **bless the rains:** what the princess thing

 **guy ritchair:** no the “why shouldn’t they have it open for me” part

 **bless the rains:** oh uhhhh

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i’ll rip into that statement some other day but right now We Support the Gays

 **guy ritchair:** oh thank god

 **sbider:** so what are you gonna wear?

 **bless the rains:** FUCK

 **sbider:** uh huh

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_4:01pm_

**Not Cap:** Wait, Wanda, you and Vision didn’t go back to Scotland?

 **eleven:** nah figured we’d stay a while bc we’re not really doing much there

 **Not Cap:** Oh, that’s good! I don’t see you guys enough after all.

 **eleven:** awwwwww

 **Stark™:** Hey wanda

 **eleven:** you know it would be better for your old man physique to get in some exercise rather than using your phone to talk to someone who is literally a floor above you

 **Stark™:** You know what just for that i’m not telling you

 **eleven:** no pls i was joking

 **Stark™:** :/

 **Stark™:** Anyway your biological dad’s coming to visit in 2 days

 **eleven:** noooooooooooo shit maybe you shouldn’t have told me

 **eleven:** i hate it when he comes to visit

 **Stark™:** I know right uncle mags isn’t exactly a supportive guy

 **pidgeot:** lmao hes going to crush you in your tin can if he ever hears you call him that

 **Stark™:** I have called him that to his face he just facepalmed and walked away

 **leg of legs:** well that’s unlike him

 **eleven:** ugh any chance i could avoid him

 **Stark™:** Well you could go back to scotland

 **eleven:** but i don’t want to yeeeeeeetttt

 **sbider:** what did i miss what does wanda not want to yeet

 **eleven:** it’s yet you fool

 **sbider:** you know what i was actually debating adding you to shuri’s lesbian crisis chat but guess what

 **eleven:** NO I’M SORRY I WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR WORLD

 **bless the rains:** i’ll think about it if you help me with my outfit for my date

 **eleven:** DONE

 **leg of legs:** wait wanda’s a millennial like me why does she get to part of the chat [angry face emoji]

 **bless the rains:** she’s closer to our age

 **leg of legs:** you know what that’s rude

\--

**Shuri’s Lesbian Crisis**

_5:40pm_

_bless the rains has added eleven to the chat_

**eleven:** [[shurisoutfit.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BnzTy40hzhI/)]

 **sbider:** THATS SOME GOOD SHIT

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** oh but when i say it it’s an ancient meme

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** BUT YEAH GOOD SHIT

 **guy ritchair:** DISNEY PRINCESS

 **bless the rains:** YES COMPLIMENT ME MORE

 **sbider:** i’m out

 **bless the rains:** bitch

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** who took the photo tho

 **bless the rains:** my new bff wanda

 **sbider:** [knife emoji x2]

 **eleven:** get fucking rekt sbider boy

 **bless the rains:** btw i also have a nice candlelit dinner arranged in the rose garden inside that green gazebo

 **bless the rains:** i considered hiring a string quartet but i felt bad bc i didn’t want them to just play music and watch us eat dinner for like an hour straight maybe longer

 **bless the rains:** so i figured like an old record player with that weirdly shaped speaker would be good with a customized vinyl playlist stark helped me make

 **bless the rains:** guys??

 **sbider:** SHUT UP OKAY THATS SO GAY

 **guy ritchair:** i’m actually crying omg [sobbing face emoji]

 **eleven:** I KNOW I CRIED TOO WHEN SHE TOLD ME

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** everything is gay and good

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[oldmanheartattack.jpg](http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/HHHNNNNG_4945.jpg)]

 **bless the rains:** if everything is gay and good then why are you dying

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** bc it’s gay and good

 **bless the rains:** okay i’ll give you that

\--

**BICONS**

_5:52pm_

**bLIZzard:** [[lizsoutfit.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/29/ac/8d/29ac8d54356202c10c67a475cef66bed.jpg)]

 **bLIZzard:** Is this outfit okay??

 **sbider:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **bLIZzard:** Well I guess I’ll take that as a yes then

\--

**Shuri’s Lesbian Crisis**

_5:54pm_

**sbider:** SHURI HOLY FUCK

 **bless the rains:**?????

 **sbider:** YOU ARE NOT FUCKING READY FOR LIZS LOOK TONIGHT YOU WILL DIE

 **bless the rains:** HOLY SHIT SHOW ME

 **eleven:** what no don’t it peter that’ll ruin the surprise

 **guy ritchair:** she’s right princess do you really want your first words to your future girlfriend to be ‘oh wow you look exactly like your picture’

 **bless the rains:** okay first of all i’d tell her she looks even more beautiful in person

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** gay

 **bless the rains:** yes thank you mj

 **bless the rains:** AND SECOND OF ALL you’re right gotta keep some excitement and mystery in the relationship

 **sbider:** oh my god i’m so excited for you

_6:08pm_

**bless the rains:** oh yeah this is the playlist for dinner

 **bless the rains:** [[liz and shuri’s garden date](https://open.spotify.com/user/augustturnsblue/playlist/1wNyLV1uRSm7h7RTEspdo0?si=7dZgpeI6QjisZ2I0SSPENg)]

 **bless the rains:** is it like a good playlist or

 **bless the rains:** bc i probably still have time to get a new vinyl pressed

 **bless the rains:** y’all don’t have to listen just look at the titles

 **guy ritchair:** UMMM IM CRYING

 **guy ritchair:** PRINCESS THIS IS BEAUTIFUL????

 **bless the rains:** yo i literally told you yesterday you can call me shuri

 **guy ritchair:** yeah but it wouldn’t feel right

 **sbider:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

 **sbider:** FUCKING SUPERB YOU FUNKY LITTLE LESBIAN

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** SHES GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU SO FAST SHE LOVES LITERALLY EVERY SONG ON THAT PLAYLIST

 **bless the rains:** GOOD BC I LIED I WOULDNT HAVE ANY TIME AT ALL TO MAKE A NEW ONE

 **bless the rains:** oh shit i have to leave in literally 2 minutes wish me luck

 **sbider:** YOU WOULDNT NEED LUCK SHELL LOVE YOU IMMEDIATELY

 **bless the rains:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

**\--**

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_6:21pm_

**pidgeot:** hey wheres scott he hasnt been on the whole day

 **Stark™:** Probably spending time with his daughter

 **Stark™:** Speaking of i need you to come to the lab

 **pidgeot:** oh well mr stark sir i expected a little more wooing from you

 **pidgeot:** ;;;;;;;))))))))))

 **sbider:** stop this

 **platypus:** yeah that’s /my/ husband so stop this

 **Stark™:**  jba vdsodksbffOAKJSN

 **pidgeot:** I WAS JOKING WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TAKE MY JOKES SRSLY

 **sbider:** mr stark are you okay??

 **Stark™:** FINE IM FINE

 **Stark™:** CLINT YOUR KIDS ARE IN THE LAB AGAIN I NEED YOU TO COME GET THEM

 **pidgeot:** oooohhhh okay i get it now

 **pidgeot:** you sure you dont want me for something else ;;;;;;;;))))))))))

 **Stark™:** I am going to drop you into a volcano and laugh while watching you boil alive

 **pidgeot:** okay seems fair

 **bless the rains:** HEY CAN YALL LIKE IDK SHUT UP IM ABT TO MEET MY DATE AND YOUR CHATTERING IS MAKING ME MORE NERVOUS

_7:42pm_

**leg of legs:** so how’s the date going so far

 **bless the rains:** im gay im gay im gay im gay im gay

 **leg of legs:** lmao big mood

\--

**Shuri’s Lesbian Crisis**

_8:13pm_

**bless the rains:** OKAY WERE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER AND SHE LIKES THE PLAYLIST!!!!!!!

 **sbider:** binch stop texting and give her all your attention?????

 **sbider:** don’t make the same mistakes i did?????

 **guy ritchair:** oh

 **sbider:** what??

 **sbider:**???????? ned????

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** okay back to the q team

 **eleven:** [eyes emoji]

\--

**the q team**

_8:19pm_

**sbider:** ned what’s wrong???

 **guy ritchair:** nothing

 **sbider:** ned

 **guy ritchair:** no srsly it’s stupid

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** ned

 **guy ritchair:** come on guys it’s no big deal

 **sbider:** ned :/

 **guy ritchair:** ugh fine

 **guy ritchair:** it’s just

 **guy ritchair:** do you regret that you and liz didn’t last?

 **guy ritchair:** i mean

 **guy ritchair:** if it all went right then you guys would still be dating today

 **sbider:** oh ned :(

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** shit this is what i was expecting

 **sbider:** i don’t regret that we didn’t work just how we ended

 **sbider:** bc she deserved so much more than my bullshit

 **guy ritchair:** oh okay

 **guy ritchair:** that actually makes sense

 **sbider:** you know i love you and mj a lot right??

 **sbider:** dating you guys is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and that’s not gonna change

 **sbider:** and besides even if liz and i did work out we wouldn’t have lasted long together because we would’ve realized that we’d be better off as friends

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** and even if that wouldn’t have happened it’s not like she wouldn’t be part of our relationship

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** ned literally everyone in the whole school knew just how into each other you two losers were and still are apparently

 **guy ritchair:** aww shit now i just feel ridiculous bc that just makes so much sense

 **sbider:** hey what you feel isn’t ridiculous

 **sbider:** the only thing that’s ridiculous is that you didn’t tell me this sooner

 **sbider:** and mj you know you would’ve still been part of the relationship right

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** uh yeah duh why do you think i said /our/ relationship

 **sbider:** lmao yeah

 **sbider:** so ned are you,,,, okay now??

 **guy ritchair:** yeah much better [blushing smiley face emoji]

 **guy ritchair:** thanks

 **guy ritchair:** i love you two so much [yellow heart emoji x2]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i love you guys too [black heart emoji x2]

 **sbider:** [shocked face emoji]

 **sbider:** lmao jk i love you guys as far as i can yeet myself with my webs

 **sbider:** which is pretty far

 **sbider:** [purple heart emoji x2]

\--

**Shuri’s Lesbian Crisis**

_8:51pm_

**bless the rains:** HELLO GOOD EVENING I DROPPED LIZ OFF AND SHE KISSED ME I AM DEAD GOODBYE

 **sbider:** OH SHIT THATS BEAUTIFUL

 **eleven:** FUCKING SUPERB YOU FUNKY LITTLE LESBIAN

 **guy ritchair:** YOUVE FULFILLED YOUR WISH OF ACQUARING A GIRLFRIEND WOW

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** GAY

 **sbider:** wow real eloquent mj

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** bitch i know more words than you

 **sbider:** OH REALLY NOW BC MY FINALS IN ENGLISH SPANISH AND LIT SAY OTHERWISE

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** YOU WANNA FUCKING GO TWINK LETS FUCKING GO

 **guy ritchair:** guys pls let’s just celebrate shuri’s gay achievement in peace

 **guy ritchair:** also peter’s not a twink

 **sbider:** yes thank you ned

 **guy ritchair:** i wasn’t finished

 **sbider:** why would you do this

 **guy ritchair:** he’s a twunk

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** HA

 **eleven:** y’alls relationship confuses me

 **bless the rains:** y’alls

\--

**tony stop changing the chat name to salt n pepa lyrics**

_9:21pm_

**Stark™:** So uhh

 **Stark™:** You didn’t have to leave you know

 **Stark™:** I mean you have a room here and everything

 **platypus:** why would i need a room when we can share??

 **Stark™:** oh

 **Stark™:** hahahahahahahagashasash

 **platypus:** uhhh you okay?

 **Stark™:** yeah perfect great

 **platypus:** tones come on

 **Stark™:** So

 **Stark™:** We’re really doing this huh

 **Stark™:** I mean it’s not like i don’t want to bc i really do

 **Stark™:** It’s just

 **Stark™:** Do /you/ want to??

 **platypus:** tony i told you already i’m ready for whatever relationship you want

 **platypus:** platonic romantic it doesn’t matter because i’d rather you were in my life than not at all

 **platypus:** although i prefer romantic since i’ve literally been in love with you the entire time i’ve known you

 **Stark™:** UM FUCK YOU IM CRYING???

 **platypus:** we can decide who tops and who bottoms later but right now

 **Stark™:** bv ajkns jnmas

 **platypus:** what do you want us to be??

 **Stark™:** You literally handed me my goddamn heart and if you think i don’t want us to start the romance of the century then for a literal rocket scientist you’re pretty fucking dumb

 **platypus:** uh wow way to tell someone you love them

 **Stark™:** I LOVE YOU BITCH

 **platypus:** oh my god

 **Stark™:** I AIN’T NEVER GON STOP LOVING YOU

 **Stark™:** BITCH

 **platypus:** you know what i love you too but i take everything i said back

 **Stark™:** Excuse you good luck returning me without the receipt

 **Stark™:** Bc i found our marriage certificate and i will burn it to keep you

 **platypus:** THATS NOT HOW MARRIAGE CERTIFICATES WORK TONY

_9:32pm_

**platypus:** i’ll move the rest of my stuff from my parent’s house tomorrow

 **platypus:** you wanna help me with that??

 **Stark™:** Uh yeah?? been a while since i’ve seen mama rhodes after all

 **platypus:** she’s been hounding me on when you’re gonna see her again

 **Stark™:** D:

 **Stark™:** I’ll apologize tomorrow

 **platypus:** hey tones

 **Stark™:** yeah??

 **platypus:** i love you

 **Stark™:** [heart eyes emoji]

 **Stark™:** I love you too

 **Stark™:** [B]itch

 **platypus:** jesus

\--

**the hot goss**

_9:56pm_

**sbider:** hey so

 **sbider:** since mr rhodey and mr stark are in fact married

 **sbider:** the purpose of this chat has been fulfilled

 **sbider:** time to delete

 **Captain Deadpool:** Noooooooooooo

 **sbider:** sorry pool

 **Captain Deadpool:** :((((((((((((((

 **Captain Deadpool:** fine ill just get my info from the dumbass^3 chat

 **leg of legs:** don’t you mean dumbass^4

 **Captain Deadpool:** i dont think i like you anymore

 **leg of legs:** oh thank god

 **bless the rains:** yeah let’s fucking go

 **ridley scott:** WAIT WHAT HAPPENED

 **pidgeot:** oh youre alive

 **ms keisha:** man just scroll up on the main chat

 **ridley scott:** :/

 **ridley scott:** fine god

_sbider has removed 21 people from the chat_

**CHAT DELETED**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so yeah my laptop wouldn't turn on so i had to borrow my sister's old laptop before i buy a new one  
> again i'm sorry it took more than 3 weeks for me to update :(((  
> ANYWAY  
> -YES rhodey is a rocket scientist [here's the meta](http://phoenixrefs.tumblr.com/post/92018754104/rhodey-possibly-canon)  
> -also here's the playlist link for [tony and thor's notebook kissing scene](https://open.spotify.com/user/augustturnsblue/playlist/2WDpmIQUgYDZgEZFllQ6VG?si=wmCA6JweRgCcqA0HjZvdgg)  
> \--just take out the spaces  
> -come yell at me on my tumblr to update faster: [happywingswaywardthings](https://happywingswaywardthings.tumblr.com)  
> -comments (good or bad) and kudos make me happy and update faster!!  
> PS btw if you commented on the announcement update it got deleted along with the chapter i’m sorry :(( ao3 doesn’t let you keep comments on deleted chapters and i feel so bad bc you guys gave me so much support :((((


	10. THANK U DADDY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Stark™:** Hey we’re married you don’t have to jerk off to thoughts of me anymore
> 
>  **platypus:** YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA BUY YOU SOME FLOWERS BUT I GUESS I’M GONNA HAVE TO GIVE YOU GARBAGE BECAUSE YOU NASTY AF BOY
> 
>  **Stark™:** WAIT NO IM SORRY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahahahaha i have no excuse

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_8:28am_

**bless the rains:** it’s time for

 **bless the rains:** wanda’s food adventures

 **eleven:** pls no

 **bless the rains:** [[avocadont.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BncB0fnh7Ow/)]

**bless the rains:** [ [ihaveseenthethroneofthegods.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BX8S84jgSlc/) ]

**bless the rains:** [[andthedinosaurwentlikethis.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BYgXq6bgc0_/)]

 **bless the rains:** [[americanbutsokovian.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BZWukJ-gZRT/)]

 **bless the rains:** [[whoami.jpg](https://www.instagram.com/p/BXG3EEsA4Xb/)]

 **eleven:** but why would you do this what have i ever done to you

 **bless the rains:** okay but lbr do i ever need a reason to do anything

 **Pink Panther:** Wanda, you take her arms and I’ll take her legs.

 **Pink Panther:** Then we throw her into the Atlantic Ocean.

 **bless the rains:** YEAH IM A BAD BITCH YOU CANT KILL ME

 **eleven:** that’s a little extreme can’t we just dye her hair a ridiculous color

 **Pink Panther:** That won’t work.

 **bless the rains:** yeah i’d pull it off

 **sbider:** LMAO IM ALL OF THESE PICS THO

 **sbider:** BIG GODDAMN MOOD

 **Stark™:** Okay but srsly tho who tf takes these photos

 **eleven:** my guess is paparazzi but it’s probably just nat

 **leg of legs:** and you would be right

 **ms keisha:** man thats creepy

 **leg of legs:** i like keeping tabs on you children

 **leg of legs:** it’s the only thing that helps me sleep at night

 **pidgeot:** i thought it was the wine lmao

 **leg of legs:** …

 **pidgeot:** no im sorry i didnt mean it i love you very much

 **eleven:** oh clint when will you ever learn

_pidgeot has left the chat_

**leg of legs:** lmao i wasn’t actually gonna do anything to him but i’m glad he’s still scared of me

**Stark™:** [ [harrisonfordevil.gif](https://media1.tenor.com/images/3962ae07e949c3dc8b6ee13c93176899/tenor.gif?itemid=9232003) ]

**Stark™:** So is anyone gonna add barton back or

 **leg of legs:** nah let him suffer

 **Not Cap:** Evil.

\--

**tony stop changing the chat name to salt n pepa lyrics**

_9:12am_

_Stark™ has named the chat **IT’S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY YES**_

**platypus:** shame

 **Stark™:** None of that in this love story [kissy face emoji]

 **Stark™:** But fine

_Stark™ has named the chat **MY MY HOW CAN I RESIST YA**_

**platypus:** better

 **Stark™:** Anyway what time do i head to philly with my quinjet

 **platypus:** why would you need a quinjet tf

 **Stark™:** Uhhh it’s not like we can carry all your stuff with our suits

 **platypus:** i’m a military man tony i don’t have that much stuff

 **Stark™:** Yeah no knowing mama rhodes she’s gonna make us take back a shitton of food

 **platypus:** and for good reason

 **platypus:** but do we really need a whole quinjet for that

 **platypus:** and don’t you need permission from the rest of the avengers

 **Stark™:** Um excuse you i’m not the grown man still living with his parents

 **platypus:** YOU KNOW WHAT

 **platypus:** IM FILING FOR DIVORCE

 **Stark™:** JUST FUCKING TRY BITCH YOURE NEVER GETTING RID OF ME

 **platypus:** FUCK

 **platypus:** okay but no maybe around 4 pm?? i’m gonna head to the compound first before we get my stuff

 **Stark™:** Why so you can assert your dominance over his royal pantherness

 **platypus:** i’m not gonna ask how you know about that but no i’m not because he’s been over you ever since he saw thor in person again

 **platypus:** also yeah i want to assert my dominance

 **Stark™:** Okay first of all no one gets over me that fast

 **platypus:** i know i’ve tried

 **Stark™:** Fuck you you can’t just say things like that

 **platypus:** just try and stop me

 **Stark™:** And second he’s into thor????

 **platypus:** yeah he’s always been into thor you’ve always been just idk a distraction from him? a rebound that’s not a rebound because he and thor never got together? a redirection from his true feelings?

 **Stark™:** Wow way to make me feel good about myself

 **platypus:** if it helps he threatened to destroy our marriage so he can keep you all to himself

 **Stark™:** Lmao did he really

 **Stark™:** Awwwww

 **platypus:** don’t aww what the fuck man

 **platypus:** i’ll be there in a couple hours just gotta do something first

 **Stark™:** Hey we’re married you don’t have to jerk off to thoughts of me anymore

 **platypus:** YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA BUY YOU SOME FLOWERS BUT I GUESS I’M GONNA HAVE TO GIVE YOU GARBAGE BECAUSE YOU NASTY AF BOY

 **Stark™:** WAIT NO IM SORRY

\--

**the q team**

_9:33am_

**guy ritchair:** hey you guys have watched ariana grande performing god is a woman at the vmas right

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** is this abt the human transmutation circle that was projected behind her after the performance

 **guy ritchair:** SHE WILL STRIKE GOD DOWN AND BECOME THE PERFECT BEING

 **sbider:** but she already is the perfect being wym

 **guy ritchair:** well that’s true

_9:46am_

**sbider:** i want michael langdon to raw me

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** wow can you believe i have only one boyfriend now

 **guy ritchair:** [[hughjackmanwtf.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/8b43acf399484592a290bea6dc3741ac/tumblr_p4gq2wearj1u35kdho1_540.jpg)]

 **sbider:** IM ONLY JOKING WTF

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[deceptiondisgrace.gif](https://66.media.tumblr.com/e23ebd378425b0455d5e9bb2d567049f/tumblr_mklswdsb4r1s4fw1ho1_500.gif)]

 **sbider:** PLEASE FORGIVE MY SINS

 **guy ritchair:** *florence welch voice* holy water cannot help you now

 **sbider:** NOOOOOOOO

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[donttryitdemon.jpg](https://78.media.tumblr.com/2eca172fe8c76825a5fff9f5b9f07208/tumblr_oyv4wv29n31rhi7abo1_1280.png)]

 **sbider:** my kokoro is [B]rokoro

 **guy ritchair:** nani the fuck is this

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** every day i get closer to leaving this chat

 **sbider:** wait no pls no

 **sbider:** i [B]egret,,,, everything

 **sbider:** [B]lease,,,,,,,

 **sbider:** love [B]e once again,,,,,,,,

 **guy ritchair:** BABE I [B]ORGIVE YOU

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** go find yourselves a new girlfriend demons

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** it’s either me or the antichrist

 **sbider:** bold of you to assume you’re not actually the antichrist yourself

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** well

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** it’s either me the real antichrist

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** or the fictional evil twink antichrist

 **sbider:** hmmm it’s a tough choice

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[youstupidtwink.gif](https://66.media.tumblr.com/e9f9ab476db96686e60dfc296f7afa98/tumblr_pgexv4COrB1u2k2rio2_400.gif)]

 **guy ritchair:** guys pls let’s just focus on our lord and savior jessica lange

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** okay but all “joking” aside

 **sbider:** BUT I REALLY WAS JOKING

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** hush

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i can’t believe they gave a mass shooter a happy ending :/

 **guy ritchair:** oh worm??

 **guy ritchair:** i was so disappointed

 **sbider:** good news is polyamorous bisexual icon madison montgomery is finally getting the character development she deserves

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** eh she’s okay

 **sbider:** you take that back demon

 **guy ritchair:** peter i thought we’ve established that /you’re/ the demon for wanting to fuck the antichrist

 **sbider:** AS A JOKE WHAT THE FUCK

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** repent

 **sbider:** THERES NOTHING TO REPENT IF[!!] ITS[!!] FAKE[!!]

 **guy ritchair:** [[surejan.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/38fblIIrHLMPe/giphy.gif)]

 **sbider:** guys pls i’ve only ever loved you

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [[nicetryjan.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/HrWu04MHLrpAI/giphy.gif)]

 **sbider:** i’m never gonna live this down am i

 **sbider:** is this another begging for cream incident

 **guy ritchair:** speaking of begging for cream

 **sbider:** NO

 **guy ritchair:** lmao jk

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** but yeah it totally is

 **sbider:** :/

_10:01am_

**sbider:** anyway wanna come over and watch the haunting of hill house??

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i wanna keep an open mind abt the series but i’m a liitle skeptical bc it doesn’t seem faithful to the book at all

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** idk tho maybe i’ll be surprised i do hope they keep the same feminist theme

 **guy ritchair:** i saw the trailer and i’m v curious

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** but if it’s horror let’s just watch it tonight and watch something not that scary for now

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** it’s gonna be better in the dark

 **sbider:** ugh ugh ugh fine

 **guy ritchair:** so what’re we gonna watch first??

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** let’s just decide later

 **sbider:** sooooo

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** yeah sure why not i’ll be there in an hour or so just gotta shower first

 **guy ritchair:** stinky

 **sbider:** [barf face emoji]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** AS IF YOU TWO CAN TALK YOU WENT TWO DAYS WITHOUT SHOWERING WHEN YOU BINGE WATCHED BOTH FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 03 AND BROTHERHOOD

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** AND ITS ONLY 10 AM WTF LET ME LIVE

 **sbider:** yeah seems fair

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** in all honesty tho i haven’t showered in almost 24 hrs

 **guy ritchair:** stinky

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_10:12am_

**and bUCKY:** as much as i love thor and the chat name

 **and bUCKY:** are we ever gonna change it

 **tathor thots:** :(

 **and bUCKY:** you right you right this is perfect

 **Pink Panther:** I suggest we keep it.

 **Stark™:** [eyes emoji]

 **platypus:** [eyes emoji]

 **Pink Panther:** What does that mean.

 **Pink Panther:** Answer me, you two.

 **Stark™:** I don’t recall sending anything

 **Stark™:** How about you honeybear

 **platypus:** hmmm i don’t know it’s almost as if i completely forgot the last 20 seconds of my life

 **Stark™:** Right??

 **sbider:** oh my god they’re a monolith they’re too powerful now

 **Pink Panther:** You’re both capable of scrolling up, don’t lie to me.

 **Stark™:** [[icantreadsuddenly.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/5ETs34G31iCAg/giphy.gif)]

 **leg of legs:** oohh i’m liking this new development

 **bless the rains:** new ship new plot

 **bless the rains:** i am what?? loving it

 **tathor thots:** I have a vague idea of what’s going on but I do want to see how this turns out

 **Pink Panther:** What are any of you talking about?

 **stranger things:** You’re “cluelessness” isn’t fooling anyone, Your Majesty.

 **bless the rains:** quality content right here

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_10:15am_

**Pink Panther:** Rhodes, what does it mean.

 **platypus:** [[doyallheresumn.jpg](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/027/128/Screen_Shot_2018-09-11_at_11.33.56_AM.jpg)]

 **stranger things:** [[iainthearnuthn.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/GdvJcaa.jpg)]

 **Captain Deadpool:** i dont know whats going on but

 **Captain Deadpool:** [[mustvebeenthewind.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DlKKuItX0AAtcMj.jpg)]

 **Pink Panther:** Whatever is happening, I don’t like it.

 **Pink Panther:** Stop this.

 **Captain Deadpool:** okay im v curious so pls forgive me for this mr panther sir

_Captain Deadpool has removed Pink Panther from the chat_

**Captain Deadpool:** give me the deets

 **stranger things:** It’s nothing you don’t already know.

 **platypus:** we’re just making fun of him in the main chat for thirsting over thor

 **Captain Deadpool:** well thats fucking boring

 **platypus:** wait what if he messages us the main chat to add him back here

 **stranger things:** I don’t think so. I feel like he won’t want anyone to know about this chat.

 **platypus:** hmm true

 **Captain Deadpool:** heads up im adding him back

_Captain Deadpool has added Pink Panther to the chat_

**Pink Panther:** Excuse you.

 **Captain Deadpool:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Captain Deadpool:** btw jim

 **Captain Deadpool:** jiminy crickety

 **Captain Deadpool:** rocky rhodey

 **platypus:** i have half a mind to ignore you but i’m bored and i have 30 mins till i have to drop by the compound

 **platypus:** what

 **Captain Deadpool:** do you know why tonys mad at me

 **platypus:** hmm idk maybe because you flirted with spider-man despite the fact that he was a 17 year old boy

 **stranger things:** HE DID WHAT NOW

 **Pink Panther:** EXPLAIN YOURSELF WILSON

 **Captain Deadpool:** IT WAS A MISTAKE

 **Captain Deadpool:** I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS UNDERAGE

 **Captain Deadpool:** AND I APOLOGIZED WHEN I FOUND OUT

 **Captain Deadpool:** I WOULDNT HAVE EVEN TRIED IF I KNEW

 **Captain Deadpool:** also no thats not it

 **Captain Deadpool:** tony didnt mention it at all during the mamma mia thing

 **Captain Deadpool:** prob also bc he was avoiding me

 **platypus:** okay yeah there /is/ a real reason why he’s mad at you but he won’t tell me

 **platypus:** and that’s one of the very very few things he hasn’t told me

 **stranger things:** It may have been something really bad if he never told Rhodes.

 **Pink Panther:** What did you do.

 **Captain Deadpool:** I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I DID

 **Captain Deadpool:** okay but i may have lied to you guys abt us only hooking up once

 **platypus:** that’s my husband exfuckingcuse me

 **Captain Deadpool:** shh let me finish

 **Captain Deadpool:** we had like a pretty good relationship

 **Captain Deadpool:** something like a fwb type but also more??

 **Captain Deadpool:** just

 **Captain Deadpool:** there was a chance we could have gotten further if we were srs abt it

 **Captain Deadpool:** maybe even a real relationship and if that worked out

 **Captain Deadpool:** uhhhh

 **stranger things:** Spit it out, Wilson.

 **Captain Deadpool:** we could still prob be together today

 **platypus:** i’m sorry what now

 **Captain Deadpool:** okay look obv it didnt work out

 **Captain Deadpool:** but we were still on good terms

 **Captain Deadpool:** anyway rhodeyboi do u remember when i was in the special forces

 **Captain Deadpool:** and i was sent to do a top secret very classified mission in a very classified country

 **platypus:** of course i do i was the one who gave you the briefing

 **Pink Panther:** But, Rhodes, weren’t you in the Air Force?

 **platypus:** you saw nothing read nothing know nothing shhh

 **stranger things:** Ooooohhhhhh.

 **Captain Deadpool:** YES THANK YOU BACK TO MY THING

 **Captain Deadpool:** so we ended it before i left

 **Captain Deadpool:** bc u know there was a chance i might not come back alive

 **Captain Deadpool:** SURPRISE THO i lived

 **Pink Panther:** An unfortunate circumstance.

 **Captain Deadpool:** shut it im not the one named chadwick

 **Pink Panther:** My name isn’t? Chadwick?

 **Captain Deadpool:** whatever its still a lame white name

 **platypus:** okay “wade”

 **stranger things:** Please stop getting distracted.

 **Captain Deadpool:** okay mr cumberbatch sir

 **stranger things:** What the hell kind of name is Cumberbatch?

 **Captain Deadpool:** uhhhhh its ur name but okay

 **Captain Deadpool:** SO

 **Captain Deadpool:** we stayed in touch and everything

 **Captain Deadpool:** we reconnected when i came back but as friends

 **Captain Deadpool:** we even hung out a few times

 **Captain Deadpool:** he and my girlfriend at the time were even friendly

 **Captain Deadpool:** then the cancer happened

 **Captain Deadpool:** i disappeared in the middle of the night and then

 **Captain Deadpool:** oh

 **stranger things:** [[whatcanisayexceptyikes.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DjN4nILW4AAWkrs.jpg)]

 **platypus:** [yikes face emoji]

 **Pink Panther:** Please tell me you told him.

 **Captain Deadpool:** ummmmm

 **Captain Deadpool:** what if

 **Captain Deadpool:** hypothetically

 **Captain Deadpool:** i never told him abt the cancer or abt disappearing off the face of the earth

 **stranger things:** Well, if you want my hypothetical honest opinion on this hypothetical scenario.

 **Captain Deadpool:** not really but whatever

 **stranger things:** Hypothetically, I would say it’s because of that.

 **Pink Panther:** Also, it’s likely because he thought you were dead until he saw you again.

 **stranger things:** Wait, when /did/ he see you again?

 **Captain Deadpool:** uhhhh

 **Captain Deadpool:** about a month after the Thanos Incident™

 **platypus:** yo what the fuck??

 **platypus:** FUCKING YIKES

 **platypus:** NO WONDER HES FUCKING MAD AT YOU

 **Captain Deadpool:** OKAY I GET IT ILL APOLOGIZE

 **Captain Deadpool:** as soon as i figure out what to say first 

 **stranger things:** Yes, that might be a good idea.

 **Pink Panther:** We would pray for your survival but you’re functionally immortal and will most likely never die.

 **Captain Deadpool:** wow i feel the support

\--

**MY MY HOW CAN I RESIST YA**

_11:11am_

**Stark™:** Hey i’ve got a surprise for you when you get here just a heads up

 **platypus:** does it count as a surprise if i’ve already seen you naked dozens of times tho

 **Stark™:** YOU NASTY YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN

 **platypus:** idk why but i’m nervous what is it just tell me

 **Stark™:** Defeats the purpose of a surprise so no

 **platypus:** does it have something to do with me moving back to the compound

 **Stark™:** Honestly i don’t even know yet

 **platypus:** yeah i’m definitely nervous now

 **Stark™:** There probably won’t even be a surprise i’m too lazy i’ll think about it idk

 **platypus:** i can’t believe i married into this

 **Stark™:** Bitch you knew what you were getting into

 **Stark™:** Also what you were getting INto lmao

 **platypus:** YOU FUCKING NASTY I SWEAR TO GOD

\--

**Shuri’s Lesbian Crisis**

_12:36pm_

_guy ritchair has named the chat **peter wants to fuck the antichrist**_

**eleven:** SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME

 **bless the rains:** BIG FUCKING SHAME YOU TWINK SPIDER BITCH

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** lmao peter just tackled ned to the ground

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** oh no

 **bless the rains:** what did someone get hurt pls tell me it’s peter

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** no it’s actually getting kinda hot in here ha hahsah haah

 **eleven:** down girl

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** look i forget how strong peter actually is until i see shit like this okay

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** okay this is getting out of hand and may’s right in the next room

 **bless the rains:** yeah you better stop them

_12:42pm_

**sbider:** why would you do this to me

 **bless the rains:** you know the guardians are taking a really long time with stranger things

 **sbider:** don’t ignore me wtf

 **eleven:** ikr i was hoping to become bffs with rocket

 **sbider:** what abt me what abt the antichrist

 **bless the rains:** [[anniewithagun.jpg](https://66.media.tumblr.com/149b3a985dfb0cb1b1331e21f0c46f30/tumblr_inline_pfy4xhhvbe1tnwsae_1280.png)]

 **sbider:** [[ideserveitshootme.gif](https://66.media.tumblr.com/8861209d0b72250f0fe3d7341e5df34d/tumblr_inline_p2kqdlqCv61r9ygfb_1280.gif)]

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** if you ignore the furry he’ll go away

 **sbider:** i thought ned’s the furry what

 **guy ritchair:** UUHHHHH NO IM NOT

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** oh yeah add that to his praise kink

 **bless the rains:** Y’ALL HAVE YOUR OWN CHAT WTF

 **eleven:** IM IN MY MID20S I SHOULDNT BE LISTENING TO YOU MINORS TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS

 **sbider:** no you’re right here’s my apology but in morse code

 **sbider:**.- -.-. -.-. --- .-. -.. .. -. --. / - --- / .- .-.. .-.. / -.- -. --- .-- -. / .-.. .- .-- ... / --- ..-. / .- ...- .. .- - .. --- -. --..-- / - .... . .-. . / .. ... / -. --- / .-- .- -.-- / .- / -... . . / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. / -... . / .- -... .-.. . / - --- / ..-. .-.. -.-- .-.-.- / .. - ... / .-- .. -. --. ... / .- .-. . / - --- --- / ... -- .- .-.. .-.. / - --- / --. . - / .. - ... / ..-. .- - / .-.. .. - - .-.. . / -... --- -.. -.-- / --- ..-. ..-. / - .... . / --. .-. --- ..- -. -.. .-.-.- / - .... . / -... . . --..-- / --- ..-. / -.-. --- ..- .-. ... . --..-- / ..-. .-.. .. . ... / .- -. -.-- .-- .- -.-- / -... . -.-. .- ..- ... . / -... . . ... / -.. --- -. .----. - / -.-. .- .-. . / .-- .... .- - / .... ..- -- .- -. ... / - .... .. -. -.- / .. ... / .. -- .--. --- ... ... .. -... .-.. . .-.-.- /

 **bless the rains:** hey op release your address i just wanna talk

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** oh jesus

 **eleven:** what

 **eleven:** what does it mean

 **bless the rains:** IM LITERALLY TOO MAD TO EVEN TELL YOU

 **bless the rains:** COME HERE PARKER YOU LITTLE DUMBASS TWINK

 **sbider:** pls don’t kill me i’m just a good domesticated spider

 **guy ritchair:** he’s not and he should stop lying

 **sbider:** betrayed by my own love

_12:51pm_

**sbider:** shrek is love

 **sbider:** shrek is life

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** goddammit donkey

 **guy ritchair:** lmao am i the only one who read that in shrek’s voice

 **bless the rains:** GOTTDAHMMIT DOHNKEHHH

 **eleven:** i have no idea what any of these mean

 **guy ritchair:** it’s from this shrek game designed after the original slenderman game and there’s this guy just saying lines from the movie and also allstar lyrics in a scottish accent as shrek gets closer

 **sbider:** don’t forget the part where they changed the pages to onion layers lmao

 **eleven:** oh my god i wanna play this now

 **eleven:** WAIT holy shit do you guys think jump scares work on vision

 **bless the rains:** DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** stream it on twitch blessed pansexual gamer queen

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** make sure the camera focuses on vision

 **eleven:** this is amazing omg i’ll stream tomorrow

 **sbider:** holy shit what if he shuts down for good

 **sbider:** i can’t lose my only sibling

 **sbider:** i’ve already had so much taken away from me

 **sbider:** like my food

 **guy ritchair:** he’s salty bc mj stole his bagel

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** only bc he stole my salt and vinegar chips

 **sbider:** salty vinny

 **bless the rains:** are you guys high literally what the fuck is happening

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** you know funny thing about that

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** we actually did smoke some weed a little while ago

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i guess it’s just starting to kick in

 **eleven:** drugs

 **eleven:** [[mrkrabs.jpg](https://images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/c_limit,w_680/fl_lossy,pg_1,q_auto/krabs_rag3do.jpg)]

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_12:56pm_

**eleven:** stark your son is smoking grass again

 **Stark™:** He’s doing WHAT now

 **sbider:** pls don’t do this to me i’m just a little orphan child

 **eleven:** so are we what is your point

 **sbider:** FUCK

 **Not Cap:** What the fuck did I just say about making orphan jokes.

 **Stark™:** Hey don’t take the orphan jokes away

 **Stark™:** We’ve already had a lot taken from us

 **Stark™:** Like our parents

 **and bUCKY:** I THOUGHT YOU FORGAVE ME FOR THAT

 **Stark™:** AND I DID THATS JUST MY SENSE OF HUMOR

 **ms keisha:** that’s fucked up

 **platypus:** you just gotta learn to live with it

 **Stark™:** Well that’s just rude

 **Ziggy Stardust:** IM AN ORPHAN BOY TOO

 **Not Cap:** Guys, no.

 **sbider:** MR LORD

 **sbider:** HAVE YOU FINISHED STRANGER THINGS YET

 **Ziggy Stardust:** NOT YET BUT ILL TELL YOU AS SOON AS WE DO

 **bless the rains:** do not entertain him when he’s high

 **bless the rains:** we wouldn’t want another antichrist fucking incident

 **ridley scott:** we wouldn’t want a WHAT now

 **stranger things:** Don’t you mean a “fucking antichrist incident”?

 **bless the rains:** i said what i said cardcaptor sakura

 **leg of legs:** it’s not often that something disturbs the hell out of me but this sure fucking does

 **sbider:** WHAT THE FUCK SHURI THAT WAS A JOKE

 **Stark™:** That was you??????!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Stark™:** Well then

 **Stark™:** I no longer have a son suddenly

 **sbider:** mr stARK NO

 **sbider:** I TAKE EVERYTHING BACK

 **sbider:** FUCK THE ANTICHRIST

 **sbider:** NO WAIT

 **bless the rains:** someone remove him before he does anything else he’ll regret

 **bless the rains:** i’m still restricted so y’all better do it instead

_eleven has removed sbider from the chat_

**leg of legs:** i feel like there should be a rule in this chat that high drunk and/or sleep deprived people should be removed or muted until they’re sober again

 **Stark™:** I’m always sleep deprived don’t do this to me

_leg of legs has removed Stark™ from the chat_

**platypus:** seems fair

_1:13pm_

_jean valjean has added sbider and Stark™ to the chat_

**sbider:** HEY GHOULS

 **sbider:** THE BOYS ARE HERE

_eleven has removed sbider from the chat_

**Stark™:** So when he’s high peter acts like he’s drunk good to know

 **Stark™:** Also what the fuck

 **jean valjean:** speaking of people getting high

 **tathor thots:** It’s not nice talking about people who aren’t here, Bruce

 **jean valjean:** for the last time I’m sorry for stealing your asgardian weed

 **tathor thots:** Are you, though

 **Stark™:** Wow can you believe my qpp doesn’t share his exclusive asgardian weed with me

 **tathor thots:** I WILL SEND SOME RIGHT OVER

 **Stark™:** Awww my sun and stars that’s so sweet

 **tathor thots:** Anything for you, moon of my life

 **bless the rains:** JUST SPIT IT OUT BANNER GOD BEFORE I KILL THESE TWO

 **jean valjean:** FINE

 **jean valjean:** this was Stephen when he found out Tony was married

 **stranger things:** NO DONT

_Pink Panther has changed restrictions on stranger things_

**stranger things:** ET FUCKING TU

 **Pink Panther:** And what about it?

 **jean valjean:** [[highstephen.mp4](https://twitter.com/i/videos/1013982991645859840)]

 **bless the rains:** [[sarahpaulsonahshotel.jpg](https://66.media.tumblr.com/911825998dfbd5e06600aa044ee4f565/tumblr_inline_pgbe71IZ3N1vkpig5_1280.jpg)]

 **and bUCKY:** oh my god this is amazing

 **and bUCKY:** thor is this what valhalla feels like

 **tathor thots:** More or less but you get to watch it happen in real time

 **and bUCKY:** beautiful

 **platypus:** the most beautiful emotional breakdown i have ever seen

 **Stark™:** Hey thor don’t bother sending over the asgardian weed this already made me high just by watching it

 **tathor thots:** I’m still sending it

 **Stark™:** :’)

 **Stark™:** God what a babe

 **Stark™:** That’s my qpp y’all

 **platypus:** hey since we’re married can thor be my qpp too

 **Stark™:** No fuck off i saw him first

 **platypus:** yeah fair enough

 **tathot thots:** Now, now, don’t fight. There’s a lot of me to go around

 **stranger things:** I bet T’Challa can appreciate that.

 **Pink Panther:** Well, I didn’t realize you were already sobered up.

 **stranger things:** What the fuck, go away.

 **Pink Panther:** Oh, I’m sorry, Cardcaptor Sakura, were you trying to distract from your shame?

 **stranger things:** Fuck.

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Question: was it really necessary to shave your face cut your hair and speak in a british accent to deal with your loss??

 **stranger things:** But I didn’t lose anyone?

 **platypus:** you lost tony lmao

 **stranger things:** SOMEBODY REMOVE ME FROM THIS CHAT I DONT WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE

 **bless the rains:** fuckin tragic

\--

**peter wants to fuck the antichrist**

_2:15pm_

**sbider:** shuri wtf put me back in the main chat

 **bless the rains:** are you all sobered up

 **guy ritchair:** we just hit another blunt

 **bless the rains:** then no

 **sbider:** ughughugh WANDA PLS ONLY YOU CAN SAVE ME

 **eleven:** lmao nah

 **eleven:** wait i thought your aunt was only in the next room why is she letting you smoke weed??

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** she only lets peter smoke weed when she’s in the apartment so she can supervise him

 **bless the rains:** honestly you guys are way too coherent when you’re high

 **guy ritchair:** it’s how we rooooollllll

_2:33pm_

**guy ritchair:** lmao btw do you guys know abt that one time peter was playing pokemon go while spidermanning

 **eleven:** no tell us

 **eleven:** tell us tell us tell us tell us

 **sbider:** how about no wtf

_down w/ the bourgeoisie has changed restrictions on sbider_

**down w/ the bourgeoisie:** he was swinging around the city and he hit the side of a building with his body

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** then he fell down an alley and just laid on the ground for 15 mins

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** i know bc the building he hit was my apartment

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** and to be even more specific he hit my window

 **guy ritchair:** she has video proof

 **down w/ the bourgeoisie:** [letthebodieshitthefloor.mp4]

 **bless the rains:** aww instead of rocks he just yeeted his whole body at your window that’s so romantic who new parker had it in him

 **eleven:** wow he really did stay down for 15 mins

_down w/ the bourgeoisie has changed restrictions on sbider_

**sbider:** i am [B]etrayed

 **sbider:** btw it was one of the worst things that ever happened to me i got banned for a week bc the devs thought i was cheating

 **bless the rains:** it’s what you deserve you demon

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_3:34pm_

**Ziggy Stardust:** I WOULD DIE FOR WILL BYERS

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Wait where’s lil pete

 **bless the rains:** i’ll check if he’s sober enough

\--

**peter wants to fuck the antichrist**

_3:35pm_

**bless the rains:** okay parker are you sober now

 **sbider:** yeah i feel like i’m almost there why

 **bless the rains:** quill’s done watching stranger things but i can’t add you bc i’m still restricted

 **sbider:** OH FUCK WANDA ADD ME BACK

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_3:35PM_

_eleven has added sbider to the chat_

**sbider:** DARLING YOU’VE GOT TO LET ME KNOW

 **Ziggy Stardust:**!! SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO

 **eleven:** IF YOU SAY THAT YOU ARE MINE

 **stranger things:** I’LL BE HERE TILL THE END OF TIME

 **bless the rains:** SO YOU’VE GOT TO LET ME KNOW

 **Stark™:** SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO

 **Stark™:** Sorry i’m just a casual fan of the show but i really love this song soooo

 **Pink Panther:** Please stop, all of you. I can’t handle more of whatever this is.

 **tathor thots:** But it’s good, T’challa!! Haven’t you watched it yet?

 **Pink Panther:** Well, it wouldn’t hurt to try.

 **bless the rains:** [eyes emoji]

\--

**I Want To Know What Love Is**

_3:56pm_

**platypus:** hey wilson change the chat name to t’challa would succ thor’s dick for free

 **Captain Deadpool:** okay but tbh who wouldn’t

 **Pink Panther:** Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you should say it.

_Captain Deadpool has named the chat **T’CHALLA WOULD SUCC THOR’S DICK FOR FREE**_

**platypus:** SUCC

 **Captain Deadpool:** SUCC

 **platypus:** SUCC

 **Captain Deadpool:** SUCC

 **platypus:** SUCC

 **Captain Deadpool:** GIVE THOR THE SUCC ITS WHAT HE DESERVES

 **Pink Panther:** I WOULD IF WE WERE ACTUALLY IN THE SAME CONTINENT

 **stranger things:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **platypus:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Captain Deadpool:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Pink Panther:** SHUT UP

 **stranger things:** I love having the power and knowledge to screenshot things.

 **Pink Panther:** WAIT NO

 **stranger things:** THIS IS VENGEANCE

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_3:57pm_

_stranger things has removed tathor thots from the chat_

**Stark™:** Yo wtf why would you remove one of the only three good things in this chat

 **sbider:** why only three

 **Stark™:** You thor and rhodey my honeybear

 **platypus:** nice

 **Stark™:** [heart emoji]

 **platypus:** [knife emoji]

 **Stark™:** Aww you remembered our first emoji convo

 **platypus:** of course babe

 **bless the rains:** disgusting

 **sbider:** IM CRYING RN TONY THANKS A LOT

 **Stark™:** Eh

 **stranger things:** Hello, yes, I would like to redirect your attention to something more important.

 **stranger things:** [tchallawouldsuccthorsdickforfree.jpg]

 **Pink Panther:** WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK DELETE THIS

_platypus has changed restrictions on Pink Panther_

**bless the rains:** I DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 **sbider:** what abt yesterday should i break the news to liz that you don’t in fact like her as much as you led her to believe

 **bless the rains:** uhh if you do i’ll expose you to the chat

 **sbider:** i have no shame fuckin try me

 **bless the rains:** thirsting over the antichrist

 **sbider:** mj’s the antichrist what the fuck is up kyle

 **eleven:** pokemon go

 **sbider:** you know the devs did me dirty try harder

 **Stark™:** begging for cream

 **sbider:** WOW CAN YOU BELIEVE MY FATHER WOULD BETRAY ME LIKE THIS

 **Ziggy Stardust:** I thought we were gonna talk about stranger things :(

 **sbider:** we will mr lord dw this is just more important

 **Ziggy Stardust:** You right this is pretty big

 **Stark™:** That’s exactly what i said when i saw thor’s dick for the first time

 **Stark™:** Hey your royal pantherness you sure you can fit that monster in your mouth

 **sbider:** WOW GOODBYE

_sbider has left the chat_

**bless the rains:** coward

 **Pink Panther:** Let me leave, too.

 **Pink Panther:** Please.

 **and bUCKY:** lmao nah

 **Pink Panther:** I WILL TEAR ALL OF YOUR LIMBS OFF

 **and bUCKY:** wow pretty violent if we put thor back in the chat will you calm down

 **Pink Panther:** SHUT UP

 **platypus:** okay we better pretend strange removed him and peter by accident

 **Not Cap:** :/

 **jean valjean:** oh so this is how it’s gonna go

_platypus has added tathor thots and sbider to the chat_

**platypus:** hey strange watch it you just removed thor and spiderboy from the chat

 **stranger things:** My apologies, Thor. My hands had a small spasm and I accidentally removed you.

 **tathor thots:** All is forgiven!! Don’t worry

 **bless the rains:** notice how t’challa went silent tho lmao

 **tathor thots:** Oh

 **tathor thots:** Have I done something to make him mad

 **Pink Panther:** WHAT NO

 **Pink Panther:** YOU’RE NOT CAPABLE OF THAT

 **Stark™:** Wow that jumped out real quick

 **Pink Panther:** You’re making me regret ever finding you attractive.

 **Stark™:** HA so you STILL think i’m attractive!!

 **Stark™:** Rhodeybear i TOLD you

 **Pink Panther:** What is happening.

 **Pink Panther:** Rhodes, what did you tell him.

 **platypus:** nothing he didn’t already know you thirsty ho

 **bless the rains:** LMAO HE FUCKING DEAD HE THREW HIS PHONE AT THE WALL AND JUST DROPPED BONELESS TO THE FLOOR

 **Stark™:** Well shit good thing starkphones are durable

 **Stark™:** But if it got fucked up bc of his super strength i’ll just give him a new one

 **bless the rains:** excuse you i can make it better

 **Stark™:** You right but tell him anyway

 **bless the rains:** well i hear some muffled screaming of either regret and/or elation so it looks like he’s still into you

 **Stark™:** Nice

\--

**T’CHALLA WOULD SUCC THOR’S DICK FOR FREE**

_4:12pm_

**Pink Panther:** RHODES TELL YOUR HUSBAND TO STOP

 **platypus:** oh would you look at that your phone’s not broken

 **Pink Panther:** DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT

 **stranger things:** I don’t know if you’re out of character or if this is how you really are.

 **Captain Deadpool:** UHHH BITCH IM THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO BREAK THE 4TH WALL

 **stranger things:** I… wasn’t? Breaking the fourth wall? Is that a thing?

 **Captain Deadpool:** oh

 **Captain Deadpool:** carry on then

 **Captain Deadpool:** BY THE WAY ADD ME TO THE MAIN CHAT

 **Captain Deadpool:** IVE GOT SOME BEEF WITH SPIDERBOY

 **platypus:** why can’t you just tell us here

 **Captain Deadpool:** HE NEEDS TO BE SHAMED

 **platypus:** god fine let me ask tony

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_4:18pm_

_platypus has added Captain Deadpool to the chat_

**Captain Deadpool:** LOOK MA I MADE IT

 **leg of legs:** oh jesus lord no

 **Stark™:** I’ll keep you in the chat if you behave

 **Captain Deadpool:** THANK U DADDY

 **Stark™:** Pls don’t

 **bless the rains:** NO DADDY CULTURE IN MY FUCKING LOBBY I WILL YEET YOU

 **Ziggy Stardust:** Stark /is/ daddy tho

 **Stark™:** PLS DONT

 **Stark™:** POOL LOOK WHAT YOU DID

 **Captain Deadpool:** IM SORRY DADDY

 **Not Cap:** STOP!

 **Captain Deadpool:** okay daddy

 **Not Cap:** NO!!

 **and bUCKY:** how is steve daddy tho hes a bottom

 **Not Cap:** I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS JAMES

 **Stark™:** JUST DO WHAT YOU CAME TO DO SO THIS CAN ALL STOP

 **Captain Deadpool:** ANYWAY

 **Captain Deadpool:** SPIDERKID WHERE ARE YOU

 **sbider:** ummm

 **sbider:** who are you

 **sbider:** i don’t know any dearpoop

 **leg of legs:**!!!!!!!!!

_leg of legs has set Captain Deadpool’s name to dearpoop_

**dearpoop:** OH SO ITS LIKE THAT HUH

 **dearpoop:** SPIDERS ARE ASSHOLES

 **leg of legs:** we’ll live

 **sbider:** not me though

 **dearpoop:** SQUARE UP SPIDER BONG BOI

 **sbider:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

 **sbider:** ILL CHANGE YOUR NAME BACK JUST PLS DONT TELL THEM

 **and bUCKY:** literally what the fuck is happening

_dearpoop has set their name to Captain Deadpool_

_Captain Deadpool has changed restrictions on sbider_

**Captain Deadpool:** TOO LATE 16TH MALE BRITISH ACTOR WITH THE NAME TOM AND A LAST NAME STARTING WITH H

 **Captain Deadpool:** so spiderboy here was out patrolling with me and my boyfriend

 **Captain Deadpool:** and also venom

 **sbider:** no no no no no pls no

 **bless the rains:** omg i can’t wait to hear this

 **Captain Deadpool:** then pls let me finish before i turn into a pikachu

 **Captain Deadpool:** anyway

 **Captain Deadpool:** sbider was joking around with venom until he accidentally called them a parasite

 **Captain Deadpool:** little shit spidey sensed venom was abt to blow up

 **Captain Deadpool:** and u know what ur innocent spider baby did stark

 **Stark™:** I can guess but i wanna hear it

 **Captain Deadpool:** HE FUCKING USES ME AS A SHIELD AND VENOM BITES MY ARM OFF

 **Captain Deadpool:** AND MY STUPID ONE EYED WILLY BOYFRIEND JUST STARTS CACKLING INSTEAD OF CHECKING TO SEE IF IM OKAY

 **and bUCKY:** okay but in peters defense you have a healing factor

 **sbider:** WHAT THE FUCK BUCKY

 **sbider:** POR QUÉ DICES MI NOMBRE REAL

 **and bUCKY:** what the fuck spanish isnt one of the languages i know

 **Captain Deadpool:** ummmm

 **Captain Deadpool:** i know spanish

 **Captain Deadpool:** in fact i didnt even think the peter he was referring to was u spidey

 **sbider:** FUCK

 **sbider:** SOMEONE REMOVE ME FROM THIS CHAT

 **bless the rains:** congratulations you played yourself

 **eleven:** live with the shame antichrist fucker

 **Captain Deadpool:** wait wait wait wait

 **Captain Deadpool:** antichrist WHAT now

 **sbider:** MUST YOU DEMONS SHAME ME FURTHER

 **sbider:** that’s it goodbye

_sbider has left the chat_

**bless the rains:** why must he be so weak

\--

**take on me, TAKE ME ON**

_5:07pm_

**salt:** How’s it going with the move, love?

 **Stark™:** [heart eyes emoji x2]

 **Stark™:** Sorry i just get excited when you use terms of endearment

 **salt:** Okay, salty ho.

 **Stark™:** Literally why must you be so perfect

 **salt:** I’ll never understand this but I love you anyway.

 **Stark™:** I love you tooooooo

 **Stark™:** Anyway i think rhodey and i are gonna take longer mama rhodes is really pissed that i haven’t visited her in a while

 **salt:** Oh, did she make you her apple pie.

 **Stark™:** Yes holy shit

 **salt:** Save me some! I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon anyway.

 **Stark™:** Of course tf who do you think i am

 **salt:** I know, I know.

 **salt:** By the way, before I forget.

 **salt:** Um.

 **salt:** There’s no easy way to say this.

 **Stark™:** Is this,,, you saying you’re breaking up with me

 **salt:** What? Tony, no. I wouldn’t be flying across the entire country for our anniversary if I’m only going to break up with you.

 **Stark™:** Okay okay sorry i feel secure in our relationship but sometimes i get paranoid

 **salt:** That’s fine, honey. I understand.

 **Stark™:** Anyway what were you gonna tell me

 **salt:** So, remember how you and Jim got married.

 **Stark™:** What really no way i’m so surprised how could this happen i never knew about this wow

 **Stark™:** [[surprisedpikachu.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/4o7EcAk.jpg)]

 **salt:** [[unimpressedoprah.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/fugXDimv2nI5i/giphy.gif)]

 **Stark™:** Sorry pls continue

 **salt:** I might have found out your marriage isn’t legally binding.

 **salt:** Tony?

 **salt:** Tony, please say something.

 **salt:** I’m sorry but I figured you deserved to know. You were so happy when we talked about it yesterday.

 **salt:** Tony, you’re scaring me.

 **salt:** Do you want me to call?

 **Stark™:** no dont friday says youre gonna be in a meeting soon

 **salt:** Only for a short while. It’s just a magazine interview; I don’t mind postponing and I’m sure they won’t either.

 **Stark™:** No really it’s fine

 **Stark™:** I guess it just surprised me

 **Stark™:** Shit so all my stupid fucking college dreams of being married to my best friend is just not real apparently

 **salt:** Tony…

 **salt:** Are you with Jim right now?

 **Stark™:** No i’m in the bathroom actually

 **Stark™:** It’s why i didn’t want you to call they could hear

 **Stark™:** Rhodey was so happy

 **salt:** You could get married again if you want.

 **Stark™:** What no that wouldn’t be fair

 **salt:** I don’t understand. Why not?

 **Stark™:** It wouldn’t be fair to you

 **salt:** Oh, I’m not worried about that.

 **Stark™:** [[confusedmathlady.gif](https://media1.tenor.com/images/fb3f2d1e814190100a4ae401b1660d5b/tenor.gif?itemid=6081931)]

 **salt:** Good to know you’re not upset enough to not send memes.

 **Stark™:** No seriously i’m so fucking confused

 **salt:** Let’s get married.

 **salt:** You marry Rhodey and also me.

 **Stark™:** Uhhhh wouldn’t that be like only legal in certain religions and also illegal in this whole country

 **salt:** Not if I marry Hope, too.

 **salt:** And also not if it’s performed in the Latverian Embassy.

 **Stark™:** Wait so you already planned this

 **salt:** Only if you say yes.

 **Stark™:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Stark™:** Bvgaj BKlsankmsc

 **Stark™:** PEPPER WHAT THE FUCK

 **Stark™:** THIS IS RHODEY BTW

 **Stark™:** BUT WHAT THE FUCK

 **salt:** Hi, Jim.

 **Stark™:** YOURE TOO CALM

 **Stark™:** WOULD DOOM BE OKAY WITH THIS

 **salt:** He may owe me a favor or two.

 **Stark™:** honestly you scare me sometimes

 **salt:** Good.

 **Stark™:** Hey bunny it’s me again we’re gonna head to the compound in a couple hours then we’re gonna have a video call abt this

 **salt:** Of course. I can’t wait. [lipstick kiss emoji]

 **Stark™:** Ugh my fucking heart

\--

**Thirsting Over Thor Thing™**

_9:31pm_

_Stark™ has added sbider and pidgeot to the chat_

**pidgeot:** wow someone finally remembers i exist

 **leg of legs:** keep that up and this is gonna end up just like Budapest

 **pidgeot:** no pls dont

 **ms keisha:** SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN BUDAPEST

 **Stark™:** I NEED EVERYBODYS ATTENTION RIGHT NOW OKAY SO CAN YALL SHUT UP

 **and bUCKY:** typical

 **Stark™:** You shut your whore mouth

 **and bUCKY:** what the fuck

 **Stark™:** SO

 **and bUCKY:** here we go

 **Stark™:** I will cut you

 **and bUCKY:** fuckin try me bitch

 **Stark™:** [knife emoji x3]

 **ms keisha:** do it its what he deserves

 **Stark™:** Tomorrow maybe but now

 **Stark™:** Everyone in this chat yes even you wade is invited to the stark-rhodes stark-potts potts-van dyne triple wedding tomorrow 4 pm at the latverian embassy

 **Stark™:** Reception takes place 6 pm at my place in the hamptons

 **Stark™:** Wait maybe you guys should just go the reception we all probably won’t fit in the building

 **Stark™:** Whatever you can go to the wedding too that’s doom’s problem

 **Stark™:** Anyway y’all know the rules you can bring plus ones and yes they are transferrable whatever bye [peace sign emoji x2]

 **Stark™:** You know what bring whoever you want idc just as long as pepper gets the guest list 6 hrs before the reception

 **platypus:** uh yeah what he said

 **Not Cap:** I’m sorry, what now?

 **Stark™:** Why is 4 pm too late for you grandpa?? are you gonna fall asleep at my fucking wedding??? if you do i will fucking yeet you don’t test me

 **Not Cap:** One more fucking time, Tony, I swear to god.

 **Stark™:** You’ll do what steve are you gonna whap me with your walking stick

 **sbider:** YO HOLY SHIT WTF WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD THE FRONT FUCKING DOOR

 **sbider:** IM FUCKING CRYING WHAT

 **sbider:** ALSO IM SO CONFUSED I THOUGHT YOU AND MR RHODES WERE ALREADY MARRIED

 **platypus:** apparently it wasn’t legally binding

 **platypus:** we were both drunk and the courthouse we went to in the netherlands doesn’t issue official marriage licenses to inebriated couples

 **platypus:** it’s only superficially legal in their database

 **tathor thots:** I feel like this should be a sad circumstance but since there’s going to be a wedding

 **Stark™:** Three weddings my sun and stars

 **tathor thots:** Will it be possible for me to officiate moon of my life

 **Stark™:** If doom says no he’s gonna have another thing coming

 **tathor thots:** GOOD

 **and bUCKY:** this is all very confusing but idc as long as theres food and booze

 **platypus:** what the hell kind of wedding doesn’t have food and booze

 **and bUCKY:** im 100 y/o dont @ me

 **bless the rains:** well good thing we’re still here

 **eleven:** you wanna bring your new gf with you

 **bless the rains:** WTF ITS TOO EARLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP

 **sbider:** she can come us my plus 4

 **bless the rains:** OKAY OH SHIT OKAY COOL COOL COOL COOL COOL OKAY COOL COOL COOL

 **and bUCKY:** wow calm down maybe

 **bless the rains:** fuck off colonizer

 **and bUCKY:** i thought we were friends tf

 **bless the rains:** not if you disrespect me like this we’re not

_9:46pm_

**ridley scott:** ummm how am i gonna get there

 **Stark™:** Pepper offered to bring you and your plussomethings along

 **ridley scott:** nice

 **Captain Deadpool:** IM LATE TO THE SHOW BUT THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME DADDY

 **Stark™:** IF YOURE GONNA KEEP CALLING ME THAT THEN IM UNINVITING YOU

 **Captain Deadpool:** lmao k

\--

**T’CHALLA WOULD SUCC THOR’S DICK FOR FREE**

_9:49pm_

**Captain Deadpool:** RHODES WTF HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO APOLOGIZE NOW

 **Captain Deadpool:** I CANT APOLOGIZE AT A WEDDING

 **stranger things:** Then apologize the next day, what the big deal?

 **platypus:** hmmmm you and his majesty were Strangely silent during the announcement hmmmmmmmmmmmm

 **Captain Deadpool:** banner was also mysteriously silent hmmmmmm

 **stranger things:** Embarrassingly, I was already asleep. I can’t say the same for T’Challa though.

 **platypus:** he’s probably freaking out over the fact that he’s gonna see thor again tbh

 **Pink Panther:** NO IM NOT

 **platypus:** case in point

 **Captain Deadpool:** its still suspicious that banner was absent

 **platypus:** you know what yeah strange why is that

 **stranger things:** I have nothing to tell you.

 **Pink Panther:** That’s Strangely suspicious.

 **stranger things:** Fuck off, I saw you trip over thin air when Thor smiled at you.

 **Captain Deadpool:** this chapter really doesnt have a concrete plot at all huh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -okay YES wade and tony used to be in a good place (not THE good place) but due to wade NOT telling tony about being alive all this time until the thanos incident,,,,, well,,,,  
> -i also may have wanted to do a wedding chapter which is why i changed up the ironhusbands marriage legitimacy or whatever the fuck you call it  
> -in this fic time doesn't exist it's still summer kinda like game of thrones but this time winter will never come  
> -any guesses what the morse code passage translates to lmao pls dont kill me  
> -ANYWAY I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT 2 FUCKING MONTHS WHAT THE FUCK I CAN'T GUARANTEE THIS WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN BUT I'LL TRY MY BEST  
> -come yell at me [on tumblr](https://happywingswaywardthings.tumblr.com) to write the next chapter


	11. NOT AN UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this isn't an update sorry

hey guys!!

first off, i'd like to say that i am VERY grateful for all the support and love you guys have for this fic. it's been so overwhelming ❤️❤️

second, i won't be updating this fic for a few weeks, i know a lot of you are excited and i'm sorry. trust me, i feel really bad D: 

also you guys deserve an explanation why i haven't updated recently and there are 2 reasons for that: 1. it's a really long chapter and i do not want to half ass what i know is going to being a big chapter; and 2. i'm going on vacation to south africa mid-march and we're currently working on our visa so it's been really busy around here.

i promise i'll update before march ends or in early april so pls bear with me.

thanks so much for understanding!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps if you guys comment on this update, chances are it's gonna get deleted when i replace it with the real chapter. so if you want your comment to stay in the work, comment on the most recent chapter instead!!

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr's [happywingswaywardthings](https://happywingswaywardthings.tumblr.com) if you want to talk (i need attention or else i'll die)
> 
> twitter: [ThatKindofBlue](https://twitter.com/ThatKindofBlue)
> 
> ALSO comments and kudos make me update faster!! (srsly i have a milestone before i start writing a new chapter)


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